Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not cut my mom out of my life, but my mother is a lot like yours.

My advice based on what you describe is to emotionally disconnect from her completely and embark on a civil and cordial relationship. She's some lady you know who comes to visit you and your kids once a year. Whatever she says to you or your SIL, it doesn't really matter because she should have zero influence over your emotions. Don't think about her when she's not around. Don't share intimate details with her. Just keep it very superficial.

Why keep any connection at all? What you describe is a mockery of a relationship.

I cut my physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive mother off. I have not missed her at all. It has been painful because I wish I had a better mother, but I felt this way even when I was in touch with her. Life is so much better without her drama, mood swings, lies, mean spiritedness, and vindictiveness. She is an awful person and I thank heavens every day she is no longer in my life.

A note of caution: My mother did not go easy. She called and left me nasty voicemails (screaming rants sometimes as long as three minutes) and then when I blocked her calls, she sent me nasty emails (I'm talking pages and pages of lies and accusations). And then when I blocked her emails, she started sending my then-boyfriend (now DH) nasty emails and voicemails, threatening to make up lies and call the police on him. And then when he blocked her, she tried Facebook friending his family and Facebook stalking me. The whole time, she kept up a victim narrative with my relatives, many of whom are as mentally ill and unhappy as she is, so that they would barrage me too. What worked was firm no contact and rebuffing the attempts of manipulative, drama-loving relatives to intervene and "reunite" us.

It took two years for her to tire of her weekly, sometimes daily onslaught. By the time she was done, there was no chance I would ever again have anything to do with her. It has been over three years since I last saw her and SO MUCH good has happened in my life without that vampire in it. You just don't realize what people like that are costing you in energy, confidence, and optimism that can power you to a truly successful life. My career has soared, DH and I are now married and so happy (she tried everything to scare him off), and I have given birth to two beautiful children who she has never met. I am killing it on every level and just so grateful for the life I live. The depression I had struggled with all my life lifted as soon as I cut her off. I may always carry a certain sadness about not having the parental support others do, but I will never let that woman back in my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a ton of entitled millennials here picking apart every little slight they perceive from their parents. There are tons of online support groups discussing this current estrangement phenomenon......grandparents being cut off for the stupidest things.

OP, if you want real advice, you will have to explain, otherwise how can you actually expect advIce. The fact that you have blind supporters here only reinforces the syndrome of "My Mom doesn't get me and I'm gonna punish her."

You openly admit you had some argument or something when she was at your house, yet you are dumbfounded that she felt that you snapped at her. You probably DID! In fact, you know you did, but it's her behavior that is on trial and you are ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT CUTTING HER ENTIRELY OUT IF YOUR KIDS' LIFE. For what? You are engaging in revenge tactics. That's a clue more about you than her.

If you do that...it's huge. There better be a really good reason such as drug addiction, sexual divorce, physical...real physical abuse, serious mental illness that is untreated for something so severe. It's cruel and life changing. And you are also punishing your kids.

Check yourself...and try again. Are you in a negative pattern with her? Is there something you are resentful about? Counseling? Therapy?

Getting blind support from a forum where no one knows you or your Mom is immature.
BINGO.

Wow pp. Clearly something touched a nerve for you. I'm guessing your children cut you off for very good reasons!

You would be guessing incorrectly! No issues at home- everything is actually just fine. Mine is just a perspective built from watching this age group manage life as adults. I know there are many exceptions, of course, because I work with many who are doing pretty well, but by far, this estrangement thing is celebrated currently-almost as if it is an empowerment message. One too many after school specials?

It is truly unfortunate, and this thread clearly defines a lot of it. Pay attention to the part about how OP feels about her mother as a grandmother. She says her mother is a good grandmother, yet, because she is mad at her, she will consider cutting her off from the family. Think about it. This is huge- her children will be denied grandparents, and the message they get is that this is how to solve conflicts. It's already clear that she considers blow ups normal in relating to each other, ( they aren't), and I suspect that because she didn't accuse Mom of starting the blow ups, it is implied that she thinks it is normal for her ( self) to behave that way. It was only until she got a bad review of her whatever behavior from her SIL, ( which ironically she is doing HERE about her Mom) that she decided she doesn't want to see her again. She's, (and I mean this in a descriptive way- not trying to be harsh) quite immature. Let's fast forward 20 years to see if her then adult children are writing about their mother's sketchy approach to relationships. (" Well, she cut off her mother for a fight they had when we were young.") Maybe it is time that this family works to resolve family and relationship differences- stop the cycle that permeates through generations.

For the rest of you, consider reading about the ridiculous amount of estrangement and immature approaches to being an adult child at the same time as being a parent -for those in their 20s and 30s. It's staggering. Your young children are not pawns to use when you get pissed off. If your parents are mentally ill with no recourse, if there has been sexual abuse, if they get into drunken rages, if they hit....of course this is another matter. That's not what this is.

OP: Try this:

Mom- I heard from Larla that you thought I was rude to you last week. I am hurt that you would discuss this with Larla and not me, but since I don't feel that I was rude, can you tell me why you thought that?

OR

You can write your vague case on an anonymous online forum- and pick out the responses that you like from other folks who have cut off their parents, even though you don't know them / vice versa, to validate your actions- and don't forget to denigrate all who disagree with you to further bolster your intended actions.


Signed,
Nope, My Kids Have Not Ousted Me At All, We're All Good, But I'm Sick of This Generation's Whining And I'm Worried About The Next Generation.
(I could put that into a hashtag if you would like...)

OP is not considering cutting her mother off for one fight. People standing up for themselves in the face of abuse is not "whining," it's taking care of themselves emotionally. Sorry this wasn't seen as a viable option for earlier generations.

Having an argument is not abuse. Come on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a ton of entitled millennials here picking apart every little slight they perceive from their parents. There are tons of online support groups discussing this current estrangement phenomenon......grandparents being cut off for the stupidest things.

OP, if you want real advice, you will have to explain, otherwise how can you actually expect advIce. The fact that you have blind supporters here only reinforces the syndrome of "My Mom doesn't get me and I'm gonna punish her."

You openly admit you had some argument or something when she was at your house, yet you are dumbfounded that she felt that you snapped at her. You probably DID! In fact, you know you did, but it's her behavior that is on trial and you are ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT CUTTING HER ENTIRELY OUT IF YOUR KIDS' LIFE. For what? You are engaging in revenge tactics. That's a clue more about you than her.

If you do that...it's huge. There better be a really good reason such as drug addiction, sexual divorce, physical...real physical abuse, serious mental illness that is untreated for something so severe. It's cruel and life changing. And you are also punishing your kids.

Check yourself...and try again. Are you in a negative pattern with her? Is there something you are resentful about? Counseling? Therapy?

Getting blind support from a forum where no one knows you or your Mom is immature.
BINGO.

Totally agree with this. No OP, you don't cut off your own parent who you admit is a good grandparent because they said something you didn't like. Man up. Familial estrangements should be reserved for major issues like true mental illness and abuse only.

This. In my culture you do not cut off relatives, you just don't. You limit contact. It's shocking how people will immediately cut off a grandparent from their lives and their children's lives for ridiculous reasons.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a ton of entitled millennials here picking apart every little slight they perceive from their parents. There are tons of online support groups discussing this current estrangement phenomenon......grandparents being cut off for the stupidest things.

OP, if you want real advice, you will have to explain, otherwise how can you actually expect advIce. The fact that you have blind supporters here only reinforces the syndrome of "My Mom doesn't get me and I'm gonna punish her."

You openly admit you had some argument or something when she was at your house, yet you are dumbfounded that she felt that you snapped at her. You probably DID! In fact, you know you did, but it's her behavior that is on trial and you are ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT CUTTING HER ENTIRELY OUT IF YOUR KIDS' LIFE. For what? You are engaging in revenge tactics. That's a clue more about you than her.

If you do that...it's huge. There better be a really good reason such as drug addiction, sexual divorce, physical...real physical abuse, serious mental illness that is untreated for something so severe. It's cruel and life changing. And you are also punishing your kids.

Check yourself...and try again. Are you in a negative pattern with her? Is there something you are resentful about? Counseling? Therapy?

Getting blind support from a forum where no one knows you or your Mom is immature.
BINGO.

Wow pp. Clearly something touched a nerve for you. I'm guessing your children cut you off for very good reasons!

You would be guessing incorrectly! No issues at home- everything is actually just fine. Mine is just a perspective built from watching this age group manage life as adults. I know there are many exceptions, of course, because I work with many who are doing pretty well, but by far, this estrangement thing is celebrated currently-almost as if it is an empowerment message. One too many after school specials?

It is truly unfortunate, and this thread clearly defines a lot of it. Pay attention to the part about how OP feels about her mother as a grandmother. She says her mother is a good grandmother, yet, because she is mad at her, she will consider cutting her off from the family. Think about it. This is huge- her children will be denied grandparents, and the message they get is that this is how to solve conflicts. It's already clear that she considers blow ups normal in relating to each other, ( they aren't), and I suspect that because she didn't accuse Mom of starting the blow ups, it is implied that she thinks it is normal for her ( self) to behave that way. It was only until she got a bad review of her whatever behavior from her SIL, ( which ironically she is doing HERE about her Mom) that she decided she doesn't want to see her again. She's, (and I mean this in a descriptive way- not trying to be harsh) quite immature. Let's fast forward 20 years to see if her then adult children are writing about their mother's sketchy approach to relationships. (" Well, she cut off her mother for a fight they had when we were young.") Maybe it is time that this family works to resolve family and relationship differences- stop the cycle that permeates through generations.

For the rest of you, consider reading about the ridiculous amount of estrangement and immature approaches to being an adult child at the same time as being a parent -for those in their 20s and 30s. It's staggering. Your young children are not pawns to use when you get pissed off. If your parents are mentally ill with no recourse, if there has been sexual abuse, if they get into drunken rages, if they hit....of course this is another matter. That's not what this is.

OP: Try this:

Mom- I heard from Larla that you thought I was rude to you last week. I am hurt that you would discuss this with Larla and not me, but since I don't feel that I was rude, can you tell me why you thought that?

OR

You can write your vague case on an anonymous online forum- and pick out the responses that you like from other folks who have cut off their parents, even though you don't know them / vice versa, to validate your actions- and don't forget to denigrate all who disagree with you to further bolster your intended actions.


Signed,
Nope, My Kids Have Not Ousted Me At All, We're All Good, But I'm Sick of This Generation's Whining And I'm Worried About The Next Generation.
(I could put that into a hashtag if you would like...)

OP is not considering cutting her mother off for one fight. People standing up for themselves in the face of abuse is not "whining," it's taking care of themselves emotionally. Sorry this wasn't seen as a viable option for earlier generations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a ton of entitled millennials here picking apart every little slight they perceive from their parents. There are tons of online support groups discussing this current estrangement phenomenon......grandparents being cut off for the stupidest things.

OP, if you want real advice, you will have to explain, otherwise how can you actually expect advIce. The fact that you have blind supporters here only reinforces the syndrome of "My Mom doesn't get me and I'm gonna punish her."

You openly admit you had some argument or something when she was at your house, yet you are dumbfounded that she felt that you snapped at her. You probably DID! In fact, you know you did, but it's her behavior that is on trial and you are ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT CUTTING HER ENTIRELY OUT IF YOUR KIDS' LIFE. For what? You are engaging in revenge tactics. That's a clue more about you than her.

If you do that...it's huge. There better be a really good reason such as drug addiction, sexual divorce, physical...real physical abuse, serious mental illness that is untreated for something so severe. It's cruel and life changing. And you are also punishing your kids.

Check yourself...and try again. Are you in a negative pattern with her? Is there something you are resentful about? Counseling? Therapy?

Getting blind support from a forum where no one knows you or your Mom is immature.
BINGO.

Wow pp. Clearly something touched a nerve for you. I'm guessing your children cut you off for very good reasons!

You would be guessing incorrectly! No issues at home- everything is actually just fine. Mine is just a perspective built from watching this age group manage life as adults. I know there are many exceptions, of course, because I work with many who are doing pretty well, but by far, this estrangement thing is celebrated currently-almost as if it is an empowerment message. One too many after school specials?

It is truly unfortunate, and this thread clearly defines a lot of it. Pay attention to the part about how OP feels about her mother as a grandmother. She says her mother is a good grandmother, yet, because she is mad at her, she will consider cutting her off from the family. Think about it. This is huge- her children will be denied grandparents, and the message they get is that this is how to solve conflicts. It's already clear that she considers blow ups normal in relating to each other, ( they aren't), and I suspect that because she didn't accuse Mom of starting the blow ups, it is implied that she thinks it is normal for her ( self) to behave that way. It was only until she got a bad review of her whatever behavior from her SIL, ( which ironically she is doing HERE about her Mom) that she decided she doesn't want to see her again. She's, (and I mean this in a descriptive way- not trying to be harsh) quite immature. Let's fast forward 20 years to see if her then adult children are writing about their mother's sketchy approach to relationships. (" Well, she cut off her mother for a fight they had when we were young.") Maybe it is time that this family works to resolve family and relationship differences- stop the cycle that permeates through generations.

For the rest of you, consider reading about the ridiculous amount of estrangement and immature approaches to being an adult child at the same time as being a parent -for those in their 20s and 30s. It's staggering. Your young children are not pawns to use when you get pissed off. If your parents are mentally ill with no recourse, if there has been sexual abuse, if they get into drunken rages, if they hit....of course this is another matter. That's not what this is.

OP: Try this:

Mom- I heard from Larla that you thought I was rude to you last week. I am hurt that you would discuss this with Larla and not me, but since I don't feel that I was rude, can you tell me why you thought that?

OR

You can write your vague case on an anonymous online forum- and pick out the responses that you like from other folks who have cut off their parents, even though you don't know them / vice versa, to validate your actions- and don't forget to denigrate all who disagree with you to further bolster your intended actions.


Signed,
Nope, My Kids Have Not Ousted Me At All, We're All Good, But I'm Sick of This Generation's Whining And I'm Worried About The Next Generation.
(I could put that into a hashtag if you would like...)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a ton of entitled millennials here picking apart every little slight they perceive from their parents. There are tons of online support groups discussing this current estrangement phenomenon......grandparents being cut off for the stupidest things.

OP, if you want real advice, you will have to explain, otherwise how can you actually expect advIce. The fact that you have blind supporters here only reinforces the syndrome of "My Mom doesn't get me and I'm gonna punish her."

You openly admit you had some argument or something when she was at your house, yet you are dumbfounded that she felt that you snapped at her. You probably DID! In fact, you know you did, but it's her behavior that is on trial and you are ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT CUTTING HER ENTIRELY OUT IF YOUR KIDS' LIFE. For what? You are engaging in revenge tactics. That's a clue more about you than her.

If you do that...it's huge. There better be a really good reason such as drug addiction, sexual divorce, physical...real physical abuse, serious mental illness that is untreated for something so severe. It's cruel and life changing. And you are also punishing your kids.

Check yourself...and try again. Are you in a negative pattern with her? Is there something you are resentful about? Counseling? Therapy?

Getting blind support from a forum where no one knows you or your Mom is immature.
BINGO.

Totally agree with this. No OP, you don't cut off your own parent who you admit is a good grandparent because they said something you didn't like. Man up. Familial estrangements should be reserved for major issues like true mental illness and abuse only.

This. In my culture you do not cut off relatives, you just don't. You limit contact. It's shocking how people will immediately cut off a grandparent from their lives and their children's lives for ridiculous reasons.

Yawn. Only sanctimonious assholes make such blanket statements. If your father raped your children, you wouldn't call the police and cut him off? It's a mark of low intelligence that you cannot imagine scenarios outside your narrow experience that justify proceeding differently than you have had to in your life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a ton of entitled millennials here picking apart every little slight they perceive from their parents. There are tons of online support groups discussing this current estrangement phenomenon......grandparents being cut off for the stupidest things.

OP, if you want real advice, you will have to explain, otherwise how can you actually expect advIce. The fact that you have blind supporters here only reinforces the syndrome of "My Mom doesn't get me and I'm gonna punish her."

You openly admit you had some argument or something when she was at your house, yet you are dumbfounded that she felt that you snapped at her. You probably DID! In fact, you know you did, but it's her behavior that is on trial and you are ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT CUTTING HER ENTIRELY OUT IF YOUR KIDS' LIFE. For what? You are engaging in revenge tactics. That's a clue more about you than her.

If you do that...it's huge. There better be a really good reason such as drug addiction, sexual divorce, physical...real physical abuse, serious mental illness that is untreated for something so severe. It's cruel and life changing. And you are also punishing your kids.

Check yourself...and try again. Are you in a negative pattern with her? Is there something you are resentful about? Counseling? Therapy?

Getting blind support from a forum where no one knows you or your Mom is immature.
BINGO.

Wow pp. Clearly something touched a nerve for you. I'm guessing your children cut you off for very good reasons!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a ton of entitled millennials here picking apart every little slight they perceive from their parents. There are tons of online support groups discussing this current estrangement phenomenon......grandparents being cut off for the stupidest things.

OP, if you want real advice, you will have to explain, otherwise how can you actually expect advIce. The fact that you have blind supporters here only reinforces the syndrome of "My Mom doesn't get me and I'm gonna punish her."

You openly admit you had some argument or something when she was at your house, yet you are dumbfounded that she felt that you snapped at her. You probably DID! In fact, you know you did, but it's her behavior that is on trial and you are ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT CUTTING HER ENTIRELY OUT IF YOUR KIDS' LIFE. For what? You are engaging in revenge tactics. That's a clue more about you than her.

If you do that...it's huge. There better be a really good reason such as drug addiction, sexual divorce, physical...real physical abuse, serious mental illness that is untreated for something so severe. It's cruel and life changing. And you are also punishing your kids.

Check yourself...and try again. Are you in a negative pattern with her? Is there something you are resentful about? Counseling? Therapy?

Getting blind support from a forum where no one knows you or your Mom is immature.
BINGO.

Totally agree with this. No OP, you don't cut off your own parent who you admit is a good grandparent because they said something you didn't like. Man up. Familial estrangements should be reserved for major issues like true mental illness and abuse only.

This. In my culture you do not cut off relatives, you just don't. You limit contact. It's shocking how people will immediately cut off a grandparent from their lives and their children's lives for ridiculous reasons.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a ton of entitled millennials here picking apart every little slight they perceive from their parents. There are tons of online support groups discussing this current estrangement phenomenon......grandparents being cut off for the stupidest things.

OP, if you want real advice, you will have to explain, otherwise how can you actually expect advIce. The fact that you have blind supporters here only reinforces the syndrome of "My Mom doesn't get me and I'm gonna punish her."

You openly admit you had some argument or something when she was at your house, yet you are dumbfounded that she felt that you snapped at her. You probably DID! In fact, you know you did, but it's her behavior that is on trial and you are ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT CUTTING HER ENTIRELY OUT IF YOUR KIDS' LIFE. For what? You are engaging in revenge tactics. That's a clue more about you than her.

If you do that...it's huge. There better be a really good reason such as drug addiction, sexual divorce, physical...real physical abuse, serious mental illness that is untreated for something so severe. It's cruel and life changing. And you are also punishing your kids.

Check yourself...and try again. Are you in a negative pattern with her? Is there something you are resentful about? Counseling? Therapy?

Getting blind support from a forum where no one knows you or your Mom is immature.
BINGO.

Totally agree with this. No OP, you don't cut off your own parent who you admit is a good grandparent because they said something you didn't like. Man up. Familial estrangements should be reserved for major issues like true mental illness and abuse only.