Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:57     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op, you cannot give up your rights as a father without an adoption. If they are asking for an adoption, and get it, he would not have to pay child support. Make sure there is a paternity test. They will not reduce your child support and take it from the remaining amount. She can ask for all he wants but it is up to the judge.


Exactly. How in the world is she able to double dip? It's like she is trying to achieve the best of both worlds by having two fathers. One for the emotional support and one for the financial. Crazy



OP here. Bingo! This is exactly the case. However, if my husband is paying child support, he will also have legal rights to the child including some physical custody. This child really does not know my husband except playing in the park with him 2 times a week for about 6 months. He is over 2 now.

What I can't believe is that a mother would give her 2 year old over to a man for 10 days or so a month. What I can't believe is her husband is okay with giving up legal rights. If they are to divorce, he has zero rights to a child he has raised.


You are confusing the issue. If husband is on the birth certificate, then he gets legal rights, but he is not the biological father. I would guess things are not good and they want to split up so that is why she wants your ex to be the legal husband so she can get child support from him. She may not have a choice as to visitation if she insists he is dad (assuming a paternity test confirms this) if he is paying child support, etc. It is not her husband's child and he may not have parental feelings toward this child,

She will get her child support calculated after yours, if you have an order. It probably will not be as much as she things it will be.


They are 100% not splitting up. This information has come from her lawyer. He will continue to parent the child as is. The legal father's entire family thinks this is his child. I have messages from him saying how much he loves this child and in his heart it is his child. As far as I know, he is an active dad.

Yes, he will have visitation. Not sure how to explain to my kids why this 2 and 1/2 year old is with their dad 10 days a month. They have no idea at this point.
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:54     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hope you have your child support in place first. Good luck to you.
i

I do. Thank you. He is paying way more to us than the court would demand considering that child support is a formula based on income differentiation. Guilt is a powerful emotion. Unfortunately, if she gets what she wants including back child support, my husband will have a difficult time meeting both obligations (she makes around 11-12 dollars an hour).

Basically, to pay us and her (and her husband), he will be living with his mom in a two bedroom crummy condo for the next 20 years. My concern is where are my kids going to stay when they are with him, especially if he has this other child 10 days a month.


I recall that your husband wanted to stay married and you were torn about divorce. I'm not trying to peddle moral superiority but, as a mother, I will always put my child's welfare first and that includes maintaining a two-parent household. We need both the parenting and the income - the loss of both is a cost to the child.

So I don't understand how you could choose this outcome for your kids. He made a serious mistake, he's paying for it in every possible way, but now your kids have to visit their dad in their dad in this crummy situation? Obviously the facts are now out in the open - do they hate him as much as you do?
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:50     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, did your husband ever get a paternity test done?


The court will order it on August 11th. For some reason, she really wants him to take one now. His lawyer says absolutely not until court ordered. Not sure why.


Because if your husband isn't the father, it's all over and the attorney can't make any more money off the case.


I believe it is because she would have to pay for it once it is ordered by the court. His lawyer had written to her lawyer that the burden of proof was on her.

Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:47     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:You know, I don't think she's ever answered the question about the paternity test on any of the threads. Does this mean that your husband has just accepted his paternity without a test, OP?

I hope your husband is using some of his money for good lawyers. Also, if he does end up with shared custody, that should reduce his child support obligation, as will his prior family. Yes, he will live very frugally himself, but you should be ok.

Are you going to try to makeup the difference in income yourself?



There is no paternity test. The judge will order the paternity test on the court date. She wants him to take one now but his lawyer says absolutely not.

Obviously, he will take one once ordered by the judge. He has an excellent lawyer.

Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:47     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op, you cannot give up your rights as a father without an adoption. If they are asking for an adoption, and get it, he would not have to pay child support. Make sure there is a paternity test. They will not reduce your child support and take it from the remaining amount. She can ask for all he wants but it is up to the judge[google]


The legal system can't just give up his rights but the courts can take them from him. It would not be considered an adoption. she has also filed for an order of filiation which would change his birth certificate to our last name.


She can request the courts do an adoption and terminate his rights but that is not what it sounds like she is doing. She is trying to get him legally the father and to pay child support. She and her husband are probably headed to divorce or why do all this. A reasonable judge is not going to legally make him the father, pay child support and terminate his rights. At that point, husband is legally the father, so she doesn't need to do all that if husband wants to be the father, etc.
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:44     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hope you have your child support in place first. Good luck to you.
i

I do. Thank you. He is paying way more to us than the court would demand considering that child support is a formula based on income differentiation. Guilt is a powerful emotion. Unfortunately, if she gets what she wants including back child support, my husband will have a difficult time meeting both obligations (she makes around 11-12 dollars an hour).


How could she get back child support when the child was living with her and her husband as if he was theirs, and the husband is named on the birth certificate? That seems like an easy thing for your husband to fight. At the very least, the back child support wouldn't go back to the beginning of the child's life, but possibly some later date. Good luck to you.



OP here. She wanted 38,000 in back child support. My husbands lawyer has said hell to the no on that but it is up to the court to decide.
I agree though. Her husband is the legal father and has raised him since birth. Very different some a single mom situation. Most likely, child support would start from the day she filed.


She can ask for what ever she wants. Usually child support is only retro active to the date of filing, not birth. My husband's ex asked for a huge increase in court plus a portion of my salary. The judge responded by taking two of the three kids over 18 off child support and removing alimony which he overpaid for both for several years. She got much less in the end plus a huge attorney bill. It can go either way but a reasonable judge (which is an issue as he may not get a reasonable one) might be annoyed she lied about paternity, etc.
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:42     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op, you cannot give up your rights as a father without an adoption. If they are asking for an adoption, and get it, he would not have to pay child support. Make sure there is a paternity test. They will not reduce your child support and take it from the remaining amount. She can ask for all he wants but it is up to the judge.


Exactly. How in the world is she able to double dip? It's like she is trying to achieve the best of both worlds by having two fathers. One for the emotional support and one for the financial. Crazy



OP here. Bingo! This is exactly the case. However, if my husband is paying child support, he will also have legal rights to the child including some physical custody. This child really does not know my husband except playing in the park with him 2 times a week for about 6 months. He is over 2 now.

What I can't believe is that a mother would give her 2 year old over to a man for 10 days or so a month. What I can't believe is her husband is okay with giving up legal rights. If they are to divorce, he has zero rights to a child he has raised.


You are confusing the issue. If husband is on the birth certificate, then he gets legal rights, but he is not the biological father. I would guess things are not good and they want to split up so that is why she wants your ex to be the legal husband so she can get child support from him. She may not have a choice as to visitation if she insists he is dad (assuming a paternity test confirms this) if he is paying child support, etc. It is not her husband's child and he may not have parental feelings toward this child,

She will get her child support calculated after yours, if you have an order. It probably will not be as much as she things it will be.
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:42     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, did your husband ever get a paternity test done?


The court will order it on August 11th. For some reason, she really wants him to take one now. His lawyer says absolutely not until court ordered. Not sure why.


Because if your husband isn't the father, it's all over and the attorney can't make any more money off the case.
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:39     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:OP, did your husband ever get a paternity test done?


The court will order it on August 11th. For some reason, she really wants him to take one now. His lawyer says absolutely not until court ordered. Not sure why.
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:37     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hope you have your child support in place first. Good luck to you.
i

I do. Thank you. He is paying way more to us than the court would demand considering that child support is a formula based on income differentiation. Guilt is a powerful emotion. Unfortunately, if she gets what she wants including back child support, my husband will have a difficult time meeting both obligations (she makes around 11-12 dollars an hour).


How could she get back child support when the child was living with her and her husband as if he was theirs, and the husband is named on the birth certificate? That seems like an easy thing for your husband to fight. At the very least, the back child support wouldn't go back to the beginning of the child's life, but possibly some later date. Good luck to you.



OP here. She wanted 38,000 in back child support. My husbands lawyer has said hell to the no on that but it is up to the court to decide.
I agree though. Her husband is the legal father and has raised him since birth. Very different some a single mom situation. Most likely, child support would start from the day she filed.
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:33     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hope you have your child support in place first. Good luck to you.
i

I do. Thank you. He is paying way more to us than the court would demand considering that child support is a formula based on income differentiation. Guilt is a powerful emotion. Unfortunately, if she gets what she wants including back child support, my husband will have a difficult time meeting both obligations (she makes around 11-12 dollars an hour).


How could she get back child support when the child was living with her and her husband as if he was theirs, and the husband is named on the birth certificate? That seems like an easy thing for your husband to fight. At the very least, the back child support wouldn't go back to the beginning of the child's life, but possibly some later date. Good luck to you.
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:32     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op, you cannot give up your rights as a father without an adoption. If they are asking for an adoption, and get it, he would not have to pay child support. Make sure there is a paternity test. They will not reduce your child support and take it from the remaining amount. She can ask for all he wants but it is up to the judge.


Exactly. How in the world is she able to double dip? It's like she is trying to achieve the best of both worlds by having two fathers. One for the emotional support and one for the financial. Crazy



OP here. Bingo! This is exactly the case. However, if my husband is paying child support, he will also have legal rights to the child including some physical custody. This child really does not know my husband except playing in the park with him 2 times a week for about 6 months. He is over 2 now.

What I can't believe is that a mother would give her 2 year old over to a man for 10 days or so a month. What I can't believe is her husband is okay with giving up legal rights. If they are to divorce, he has zero rights to a child he has raised.
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:27     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:Op, you cannot give up your rights as a father without an adoption. If they are asking for an adoption, and get it, he would not have to pay child support. Make sure there is a paternity test. They will not reduce your child support and take it from the remaining amount. She can ask for all he wants but it is up to the judge[google]


The legal system can't just give up his rights but the courts can take them from him. It would not be considered an adoption. she has also filed for an order of filiation which would change his birth certificate to our last name.
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:25     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:Why do you have access to both attorney's communications? Disengage! This is his circus and his monkeys.
. That's a great image. Funny. I'm going to use this phrase.
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2016 11:23     Subject: Husband had a baby with assistant update
Anonymous wrote:Why do you have access to both attorney's communications? Disengage! This is his circus and his monkeys.



OP here. I have asked to see the correspondence because the outcome effects my kids future. I do not want to be in the dark and have some major surprise August 11th. I have been blindsided enough. I do not trust what my husband says so have asked to "see with my own eyes" what is going on.