Anonymous
Post 07/25/2016 10:42     Subject: Re:What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Things we did:
told the kids to expect to lose their voices/get colds within the first month of arriving. Sent them with honey, tea, hot water kettle thingy, mug
showed each (boy and girl) were nearest planned parenthood was. gave DD Plan B.
arranged for twice-weekly check-ins, and once weekly family Facetimes.

We brought each kid to school and helped them set up their dorm rooms. We then took them out for a meal, and then left.

So your kids don't have enough self control/restraint to abstain from having sex until marriage?


Hahahahaha

We will be encouraging our children to test drive a number of cars before they buy one.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2016 10:38     Subject: What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
Our son had a roommate who would come in with abdifferent drunk girl every night. Our son found himself in the middle of some complicated ethical scenarios from the get go. Do i leave and give them their privacy? Ask the girl questions to determine if she is lucid? Get an RA? Warn the other girls in the dorm? So proud of how he handled this difficult scenario but ultimately he moved out because the policeman role waa too much. Rapey roommate was someones son too.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2016 10:24     Subject: What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
I look at the results. So I know that lots of parents aren't raising their boys to be trustworthy in the sense PP has described. They're busy with other things and some of those other things work at cross-purposes.

Since you're an anonymous poster, I don't start out assuming anything about how YOU raise your kids. It's only when you bristle that I wonder. Kind of an "if the shoe fits" scenario. You could have assumed you fell in the people doing it right category, but instead you took umbrage and implicitly identified with those who weren't. Your call -- not mine.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2016 10:11     Subject: What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Right. Because the rest of us raise our sons to be the guy girls don't trust.


No, because a lot of you don't focus on how your sons treat other people. Lots of boys are raised to be a-holes. Aggression, getting/taking what you want, looking out for yourself (often to the exclusion of others) are seen as traits that help men get ahead in this culture. Girls are still often raised to be observant, considerate, kind, and helpful/supportive. Boys -- not so much. Family dynamics (spousal, sibling) also model these roles and relationships. So what you're saying and what you're teaching can be two different things. And if you're not saying anything, then the default messages (school, media) aren't great. So, yeah, it takes a conscious effort to produce decent guys and PP's post was applauding a parent for having made that effort. My take is that, to the extent that you bristle at such a compliment (rather than feel similarly appreciated), it's because you haven't addressed these issues head-on.


Thank you for the sociology lesson.

In fact, I bristle at the comment precisely because of all of the assumptions you and the PP made about how any of us, including me, raise our sons and daughters.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2016 08:18     Subject: What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
Anonymous wrote:Right. Because the rest of us raise our sons to be the guy girls don't trust.


No, because a lot of you don't focus on how your sons treat other people. Lots of boys are raised to be a-holes. Aggression, getting/taking what you want, looking out for yourself (often to the exclusion of others) are seen as traits that help men get ahead in this culture. Girls are still often raised to be observant, considerate, kind, and helpful/supportive. Boys -- not so much. Family dynamics (spousal, sibling) also model these roles and relationships. So what you're saying and what you're teaching can be two different things. And if you're not saying anything, then the default messages (school, media) aren't great. So, yeah, it takes a conscious effort to produce decent guys and PP's post was applauding a parent for having made that effort. My take is that, to the extent that you bristle at such a compliment (rather than feel similarly appreciated), it's because you haven't addressed these issues head-on.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2016 07:59     Subject: What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
Anonymous wrote:Right. Because the rest of us raise our sons to be the guy girls don't trust.
Most likely judging from your asinine comment.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2016 22:50     Subject: What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
Anonymous wrote:Right. Because the rest of us raise our sons to be the guy girls don't trust.


Exactly. What a ridiculous comment PP made.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2016 21:39     Subject: What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Meningitis vaccine


and gardasil

and birth control



Agree with the people who say this. When I was an RA in a girls dorm, I made sure to keep the bathroom stocked, but you never know if kids will have easy access otherwise.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2016 21:37     Subject: What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
Organize to get them a flu shot when it becomes available or drag them off to the pharmacy to get it done during parents weekend.

Get them to register to vote.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2016 20:55     Subject: What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well too late now, but I hope you have sent them away on overnight enrichment camps that simulates going off to college or a summer abroad. This makes the transition a bit easier I think. I disagree with the parents who want to dump and leave at drop off for college. I think it's nice to go a few days early and explore campus and the surrounding area together. Let them know where the restaurants, drug stores, grocery and coffee shops are. If they don't feel quite so disoriented then they are more likely to go out and explore instead of staying in a pattern of the same dinning hall and same smoothie shop for a whole year. Make sure they get on the freshman FB page and ask if anyone is from their area. Make sure they reach out to roommates before the start of classes. Get a nespresso.


A proud "dump and run" parent here. And that was because both my DCs were thrilled to finally be at college and the last thing they wanted was mom and dad hanging around. Unpack, shop for whatever else is needed, out for a meal, a hug and a kiss telling them how proud we were and that we're available any time they need us.


I agree. Pretty much dump and run with both our kids.
I feel like we spent the first 18 years getting them ready to leave the house and succeed at college.
No reason to try to cram all the learning into the summer before their freshman year.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2016 20:48     Subject: What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
Right. Because the rest of us raise our sons to be the guy girls don't trust.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2016 20:07     Subject: Re:What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
Anonymous wrote:Buy bare bones dorm crap, don't go for everything. Let them tell you in a month what else they may need. Each kid is differnt, some are best do the set up the room, take out to lunch/dinner and OG, others may need more time. You know your child best. If the college has a freshman orientation thingie before the rest of the school gets to campus, they will separate the parents and kids the first event. You leave, the kids stay.

I have boys, so my list will be different.

They will need a credit card. Low max balance
They will need a bank account with an ATM card.
They will need sheets, blanket/comforter, shower bucket, two sets of towels/wash clothes, beach towel, rug(frequently required),small fridge (no need for a microwave), shower shoes, a cup/fork/knife/spoon,plate,mug, small cutting board.
Buy them new underwear and new socks every fall.
Make sure they have detergent for clothes washing and deodorant to last until winter break, and Clorox wipes.
Don't worry about snack and drinks- they can get them.
Don't worry about what should be on the walls, they will figure that out themselves.
Buy them some university logo stuff. (T-shirt, shorts?)

Have a few conversations over the summer about safety. Talk to them about being the guy that girls trust and to look out for anyone who may be making inappropriate choices and help them in the moment get to a safe place. Being kind and helpful goes a long way. Do not leave your drink, have it in your hand at all times. No sex when drunk or with anyone who is. Join a fun club that interests you. [/quote

How I wish more parents raised their sons like this! Thank you!
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2016 13:47     Subject: Re:What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Things we did:
told the kids to expect to lose their voices/get colds within the first month of arriving. Sent them with honey, tea, hot water kettle thingy, mug
showed each (boy and girl) were nearest planned parenthood was. gave DD Plan B.
arranged for twice-weekly check-ins, and once weekly family Facetimes.

We brought each kid to school and helped them set up their dorm rooms. We then took them out for a meal, and then left.

So your kids don't have enough self control/restraint to abstain from having sex until marriage?


Np- WTF pp?!? These are teenagers. Weren't you one before?
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2016 13:32     Subject: Re:What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
Anonymous wrote:Things we did:
told the kids to expect to lose their voices/get colds within the first month of arriving. Sent them with honey, tea, hot water kettle thingy, mug
showed each (boy and girl) were nearest planned parenthood was. gave DD Plan B.
arranged for twice-weekly check-ins, and once weekly family Facetimes.

We brought each kid to school and helped them set up their dorm rooms. We then took them out for a meal, and then left.

So your kids don't have enough self control/restraint to abstain from having sex until marriage?
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2016 12:24     Subject: Re:What should I/we make sure to do before child leaves for college?
Don't linger. I just dropped my son off at camp this morning and I felt bad for the kids whose parents were there for hours. Even the camp paper they give parents with the camp map on it lists "Don't linger" as their #1 tip. You don't need to spend days with them ahead of time showing them everything.