Anonymous
Post 07/21/2016 14:17     Subject: No one is a talker!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes! Will never forget the first time I visited DH's family and at dinner no one said a word. I couldn't believe it. In my family you are lucky to get a word in and we have big boisterous meals, almost couldn't marry him for this reason. Sadly, I am used to it now. But still find it weird.

They also sit around and watch tv and don't speak. This still blows my mind. The few times my family get s together during the year we actually talk to one another. I chalk it up to being a Midwestern thing.


+1

Same here. I don't go on "vacation", because it feels like sitting in a morgue. The television is on constantly early morning to late night - it is insane how much television one family can watch - without saying a word. DON'T interrupt shark week! Holy crap.

No thanks, I'll stay home. The best part is how they go on about how much "fun" they had. Meanwhile I'm thinking, yeah, right. I don't go on "vacation" to stick my nose in a book, with the television on the entire time, and ignore everyone around me. Weirdos.


Agreed. One Christmas DH's mom made a big thing of the whole family being together. Then all anyone did was sit around and watch tv. I actually lost my shit on them about it. I couldn't believe they were spending Christmas Eve glued to the TV. It was not the message I wanted conveyed to my kids.


So the message YOU conveyed to your kids was, "When people don't behave the way you want them to, lose your shit on them about it?" Got it. Stay classy!

Here's a thought: PLAN SOME ACTIVITIES. When they make a move to turn on the TV yet again, NICELY suggest that you play a game or go for a walk or go out to dinner or bake cookies or whatever instead. Like a grown-up.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2016 14:17     Subject: No one is a talker!
My father is like this with my grandparents. Visits were always torture once my brother and I got older and realized that we were the only ones trying to carry on a conversation. Every now and then someone would make a comment and everyone else would go "mmm" and then we'd all sit around some more silently looking at the end tables or something. It was extremely draining.

But then a few months ago, I visited them alone for the first time ever, without my father, and it was completely different. They asked questions, told stories, kept conversations going--it was like bizarro world. We talked more in those 5 hours than in the last few decades. I've had to reassess everything I thought I knew about their personalities. Neither my father nor my grandparents are taciturn people on their own, but put them together and something happens.

Just to say, it's probably not you, OP. And it might not even be them, either.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2016 14:07     Subject: No one is a talker!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes! Will never forget the first time I visited DH's family and at dinner no one said a word. I couldn't believe it. In my family you are lucky to get a word in and we have big boisterous meals, almost couldn't marry him for this reason. Sadly, I am used to it now. But still find it weird.

They also sit around and watch tv and don't speak. This still blows my mind. The few times my family get s together during the year we actually talk to one another. I chalk it up to being a Midwestern thing.


+1

Same here. I don't go on "vacation", because it feels like sitting in a morgue. The television is on constantly early morning to late night - it is insane how much television one family can watch - without saying a word. DON'T interrupt shark week! Holy crap.

No thanks, I'll stay home. The best part is how they go on about how much "fun" they had. Meanwhile I'm thinking, yeah, right. I don't go on "vacation" to stick my nose in a book, with the television on the entire time, and ignore everyone around me. Weirdos.


Agreed. One Christmas DH's mom made a big thing of the whole family being together. Then all anyone did was sit around and watch tv. I actually lost my shit on them about it. I couldn't believe they were spending Christmas Eve glued to the TV. It was not the message I wanted conveyed to my kids.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2016 13:53     Subject: No one is a talker!
Anonymous wrote:Am home on maternity leave and my MIL is staying 3 weeks to help and FIL shows up the final week of the visit.

My husband and his family are "people of few words," and they are not super close. so I end up babbling some story or carrying the dinner conversations and questions All The Time. It is getting exhausting. Besides my portmortem exhaustion.
I tried out a couple meals where I deliberately said nothing and sure enough, no one else said anything either!
It's bizarre, I grew up in a family of four where there was always talking going on at the table, in the car, at the ballgame. And certainly when we get together nowadays. But here, this week, it's like no one has a thought or opinion or whatever.

Can anyone relate??


OMG! I can. I dread dinners with my IL's. They don't make conversation and it drives me crazy. My FIL is worse on his own. It is like pulling teeth to get them to say anything and when they do it is usually such a mundane topic that I just want the whole thing to end. They are nice people, really, but still.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2016 12:16     Subject: No one is a talker!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes! Will never forget the first time I visited DH's family and at dinner no one said a word. I couldn't believe it. In my family you are lucky to get a word in and we have big boisterous meals, almost couldn't marry him for this reason. Sadly, I am used to it now. But still find it weird.

They also sit around and watch tv and don't speak. This still blows my mind. The few times my family get s together during the year we actually talk to one another. I chalk it up to being a Midwestern thing.


+1

Same here. I don't go on "vacation", because it feels like sitting in a morgue. The television is on constantly early morning to late night - it is insane how much television one family can watch - without saying a word. DON'T interrupt shark week! Holy crap.

No thanks, I'll stay home. The best part is how they go on about how much "fun" they had. Meanwhile I'm thinking, yeah, right. I don't go on "vacation" to stick my nose in a book, with the television on the entire time, and ignore everyone around me. Weirdos.


They're called "introverts" not "weirdos." Do you get that THEY think YOU are weird for talking all the darn time? Guess what? When the TV is on, WATCH TV! No one wants your commentary during a show. If you don't want to watch TV, don't watch TV! Life is pretty simple.
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2016 23:08     Subject: No one is a talker!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes! Will never forget the first time I visited DH's family and at dinner no one said a word. I couldn't believe it. In my family you are lucky to get a word in and we have big boisterous meals, almost couldn't marry him for this reason. Sadly, I am used to it now. But still find it weird.

They also sit around and watch tv and don't speak. This still blows my mind. The few times my family get s together during the year we actually talk to one another. I chalk it up to being a Midwestern thing.


I thought it was more of a waspy upper class northeast thing.

Midwesterners tend to be very friendly.

Maybe it is a small family thing?


I'm from a WASPY Northeastern family!


+1

It is definitely NOT a NE thing. Everyone I know from the NE is chatty, upbeat, outgoing and friendly. And not everyone I know from the midwest is terribly sociable, so there is that.
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2016 23:06     Subject: No one is a talker!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am home on maternity leave and my MIL is staying 3 weeks to help and FIL shows up the final week of the visit.

My husband and his family are "people of few words," and they are not super close. so I end up babbling some story or carrying the dinner conversations and questions All The Time. It is getting exhausting. Besides my portmortem exhaustion.
I tried out a couple meals where I deliberately said nothing and sure enough, no one else said anything either!
It's bizarre, I grew up in a family of four where there was always talking going on at the table, in the car, at the ballgame. And certainly when we get together nowadays. But here, this week, it's like no one has a thought or opinion or whatever.

Can anyone relate??


I can empathize. My spouse and his family have little to say about anything, ever. It's been about 5+ years of visits and I never know what they think about anything - dinner, a day-trip, the city, etc. I too got trained not to talk around them, and frankly stopped trying or caring.

Two bad things - My husband does not know how to talk about anything but his office work. I believe this started at home growing up, not hearing normal conversations about the day, scheduling, household matters (hi honey, let's do our taxes this evening. Hi honey, let's plan that spring break trip. Hi honey, want to teach your son to ride a bike or throw a ball?). He seems to think it's all woman's work and checks out.

Other bad thing - No conflict resolution skills. If there is a mistake, it is ignored. If someone brings it up, they are ignored. If that angers them, then they become the mistake. The actual mistake never gets addressed. Too much avoidance of needed conversations.

Nowadays with two kids, we continue to never have even a semi-meaningful conversations with them. They skype and just GooGoo GaaGaa with the toddlers, I ask my spouse how they're doing, he doesn't know. Seems to suit everyone but me, I found it sad and hope my children don't think this is normal way to not communicate.


+1

Anonymous
Post 07/20/2016 23:03     Subject: No one is a talker!
Anonymous wrote:Listening and communicating. Two important life skills.


+1

Anonymous
Post 07/20/2016 23:01     Subject: No one is a talker!
Anonymous wrote:Yes! Will never forget the first time I visited DH's family and at dinner no one said a word. I couldn't believe it. In my family you are lucky to get a word in and we have big boisterous meals, almost couldn't marry him for this reason. Sadly, I am used to it now. But still find it weird.

They also sit around and watch tv and don't speak. This still blows my mind. The few times my family get s together during the year we actually talk to one another. I chalk it up to being a Midwestern thing.


+1

Same here. I don't go on "vacation", because it feels like sitting in a morgue. The television is on constantly early morning to late night - it is insane how much television one family can watch - without saying a word. DON'T interrupt shark week! Holy crap.

No thanks, I'll stay home. The best part is how they go on about how much "fun" they had. Meanwhile I'm thinking, yeah, right. I don't go on "vacation" to stick my nose in a book, with the television on the entire time, and ignore everyone around me. Weirdos.
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2016 22:24     Subject: Re:No one is a talker!
I am from a WASPy family; DH similar background. There's a bit of reserve on both sides and some introverts (myself included).. But I literally have never experienced anything like what OP describes. A whole meal in (near) silence? A trip to the mall without talking? I can't believe so many PPs are trying to paint this as normal. No way!
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2016 22:14     Subject: No one is a talker!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes! Will never forget the first time I visited DH's family and at dinner no one said a word. I couldn't believe it. In my family you are lucky to get a word in and we have big boisterous meals, almost couldn't marry him for this reason. Sadly, I am used to it now. But still find it weird.

They also sit around and watch tv and don't speak. This still blows my mind. The few times my family get s together during the year we actually talk to one another. I chalk it up to being a Midwestern thing.


I thought it was more of a waspy upper class northeast thing.

Midwesterners tend to be very friendly.

Maybe it is a small family thing?


I'm from a WASPY Northeastern family!
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2016 22:13     Subject: No one is a talker!
Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with companionable silence. You don't have to fill the air. People who talk just to talk are exhausting.


This. It's nice when you feel comfortable enough around other people that you all feel you don't have to talk the whole time. Although if you don't know them well or have that kid of relationship, I can see how someone would feel uncomfortable.
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2016 22:04     Subject: No one is a talker!
I really wish I had a houseful of silent people right after I had my baby. My ILs talk super loud and bang around in the kitchen. They do NOTHING quietly. I bet you can't imagine how someone could be loud just getting up from a chair, but oh it can be done.

And THE TALKING. It's like they have no inner monologue. They give voice to every little thought.

STFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPP!
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2016 22:01     Subject: No one is a talker!
Anonymous wrote:silence driving them about, silence while shopping, silence in the house. WTF?

ask your DH once they leave, what is up.

i remember going to a friend's house for dinner in 5th grade and the parents didn't say a word for the whole dinner. I assumed they all hated each other and/or did not know how to socialize. I never had been to a dinner like that before nor since then. I recall feeling sorry for my friend Becky.


Don't feel sorry for her! She's got the good hurr!!
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2016 21:59     Subject: No one is a talker!
I'm LOL at postmortem too. It probably feels like it's postmortem around those people.

I can't stand dull people. I would try to invite friends to randomly popping in on me so that I wouldn't have to be alone in a house full of dimwits. I definitely agree that you're probably as annoying to them as they are to you but sweet Jesus you poor thing. Nothing says "exciting to have a new baby" like a houseful of silence.