Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 15:53     Subject: My boyfriend has a "Friend"

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can certainly see why you, as his girlfriend, would be intimidated by this. However, he's been friends with her for years and you've only been in his life for a few months. I would be pretty pissed if a new boyfriend started telling me that I shouldn't be friends with my close male friends because he was concerned that our texting about work BS and Game of Thrones was a threat to our relationship.

If I wanted to text my husband about these things, I would (and do!). Doesn't change that I'm also going to talk to other people in my life that I'm close to.

I think you need to figure out what exactly bothers you so much. That he chooses to talk to her instead of you? Do you want to talk to him for 3 hours while he's driving to see you? Do you want to text him incessantly?


I know this is my own insecurities. She is educated, I am not, she is single living extremely well(saw pictures of her home), I am back living with parents with son from previous relationship, she is well traveled, I haven't been off the east coast. I ask myself why has he picked me over her and if she isn't interested now but changes her mind and snaps her fingers does he just disappear out of my life. I feel like a second fiddle, like he settled for me cause he couldn't have her.


Let me reframe this for you. You are a single mother who has prioritized your child over your own advancement. Without a coparent it's nearly impossible to go to college, or go globe hopping, or advance in a career. Parenting changes you and makes you grow in ways that no other experience does. I've been to college, Europe, have a decent job and none of that changed me as a person more than having kids. It's a giant leap in life experience. Plus, you're younger. That will always be an advantage you have over her.

To me this level of communication seems like they're best friends. Maybe he sees as her not relationship potential because of her age and level in the company so he feels comfortable being friends and asking for advice. Does he see her in person? It sounds like that would be possible but it isn't happening.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 15:24     Subject: Re:My boyfriend has a "Friend"

Anonymous wrote:The fact that the texts haven't crossed into inappropriate territory is what makes each think that what they're doing is all fine and innocent. Just friends. Despite the frequency and the timing (all day until "good night") and they also get to see each at the office.

Op- they're both hooked on each other.


Then what is he doing with me? Is this just entertainment for him. Why trudge across states to see me only to immediately connect back with her when in town. I found several text that corresponded to him leaving me getting home and telling her he is back home. WTF!!
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 15:19     Subject: Re:My boyfriend has a "Friend"

The fact that the texts haven't crossed into inappropriate territory is what makes each think that what they're doing is all fine and innocent. Just friends. Despite the frequency and the timing (all day until "good night") and they also get to see each at the office.

Op- they're both hooked on each other.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 15:14     Subject: My boyfriend has a "Friend"

I don't think this is a good relationship for you -- you seem very insecure about it and like you have low self confidence. If moving closer to be near him would force you to be dependent on him, that will only make the situation worse. You have a child, don't you? I think you should focus on your child and your education and career and consider this relationship to be a casual one.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 15:07     Subject: My boyfriend has a "Friend"

Anonymous wrote:What is your long-term plan with the boyfriend? Do you both talk about the future, or is it just casual? Long-distance relationships are hard enough when there is a plan to live closer together.


There have been some discussions to live closer if not together but I would have to become completely dependent on him if I did that. He wants long term and almost like SAHM. When we are together it is great. I assumed it was great till I read those text. I think the biggest problem is the level of intimacy and how if she says or mentions something he jumps on it. Like I saw a text where he was talking about shirt he brought. Thinking of sending one back because didn't like that color. She said not to that that color suits him. Then when he was up here once we were shopping and he selects that very color and says "I have been told this color looks good on me". I didn't think anything of it till I read that text.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 15:03     Subject: Re:My boyfriend has a "Friend"

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Super hot? And what about your boyfriend. Good looking?

OP - the sheer volume of texting for the past year has created an intimacy between them that both enjoy. A lot. Even if talk never went beyond pop culture or whatever show they like, they have already developed a bond and I bet the sexual tension is thick between them.



He works out daily, incredible body. Great face and jawline. Big sigh....so this maybe one of those things where opportunity just hasn't been there. One office party with booze, one lunch with drinks and game on. I really need to think about this. He has chosen to be with me. He comes a great distance to be with me but he has his day to days with her. Best of both worlds


Have you just straight up asked him? Or are you just snooping through his text messages and feeling insecure? It sounds like there is plenty of opportunity for him to have a romantic relationship with this woman, but he still chooses to be with you.


Nope have just casually asked him about her. His response doesn't reflect the level of intimacy that I detect from the text. I haven't asked probing questions cause I don't want to come off as jealous(though I am).


You either need to own your feelings or get over them, OP. If you're jealous, you're jealous. Asking general questions about her and their relationship is not going to reassure you, since you could just be asking to know. You're not just asking to know. You're sizing up what you believe is the competition.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 15:01     Subject: Re:My boyfriend has a "Friend"

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Super hot? And what about your boyfriend. Good looking?

OP - the sheer volume of texting for the past year has created an intimacy between them that both enjoy. A lot. Even if talk never went beyond pop culture or whatever show they like, they have already developed a bond and I bet the sexual tension is thick between them.



He works out daily, incredible body. Great face and jawline. Big sigh....so this maybe one of those things where opportunity just hasn't been there. One office party with booze, one lunch with drinks and game on. I really need to think about this. He has chosen to be with me. He comes a great distance to be with me but he has his day to days with her. Best of both worlds


OP...what do you do for a living? Any way you can get more local and then maybe he can let her go?


I am in school to do something she use to do, how is that for a laugh. She makes some rude amount of money that is like 2x what he makes. No end to this.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 15:01     Subject: My boyfriend has a "Friend"

What is your long-term plan with the boyfriend? Do you both talk about the future, or is it just casual? Long-distance relationships are hard enough when there is a plan to live closer together.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 14:57     Subject: Re:My boyfriend has a "Friend"

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Super hot? And what about your boyfriend. Good looking?

OP - the sheer volume of texting for the past year has created an intimacy between them that both enjoy. A lot. Even if talk never went beyond pop culture or whatever show they like, they have already developed a bond and I bet the sexual tension is thick between them.



He works out daily, incredible body. Great face and jawline. Big sigh....so this maybe one of those things where opportunity just hasn't been there. One office party with booze, one lunch with drinks and game on. I really need to think about this. He has chosen to be with me. He comes a great distance to be with me but he has his day to days with her. Best of both worlds


Have you just straight up asked him? Or are you just snooping through his text messages and feeling insecure? It sounds like there is plenty of opportunity for him to have a romantic relationship with this woman, but he still chooses to be with you.


Nope have just casually asked him about her. His response doesn't reflect the level of intimacy that I detect from the text. I haven't asked probing questions cause I don't want to come off as jealous(though I am).
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 14:54     Subject: Re:My boyfriend has a "Friend"

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Super hot? And what about your boyfriend. Good looking?

OP - the sheer volume of texting for the past year has created an intimacy between them that both enjoy. A lot. Even if talk never went beyond pop culture or whatever show they like, they have already developed a bond and I bet the sexual tension is thick between them.



He works out daily, incredible body. Great face and jawline. Big sigh....so this maybe one of those things where opportunity just hasn't been there. One office party with booze, one lunch with drinks and game on. I really need to think about this. He has chosen to be with me. He comes a great distance to be with me but he has his day to days with her. Best of both worlds


Have you just straight up asked him? Or are you just snooping through his text messages and feeling insecure? It sounds like there is plenty of opportunity for him to have a romantic relationship with this woman, but he still chooses to be with you.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 14:54     Subject: Re:My boyfriend has a "Friend"

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Super hot? And what about your boyfriend. Good looking?

OP - the sheer volume of texting for the past year has created an intimacy between them that both enjoy. A lot. Even if talk never went beyond pop culture or whatever show they like, they have already developed a bond and I bet the sexual tension is thick between them.



He works out daily, incredible body. Great face and jawline. Big sigh....so this maybe one of those things where opportunity just hasn't been there. One office party with booze, one lunch with drinks and game on. I really need to think about this. He has chosen to be with me. He comes a great distance to be with me but he has his day to days with her. Best of both worlds


OP...what do you do for a living? Any way you can get more local and then maybe he can let her go?
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 14:52     Subject: Re:My boyfriend has a "Friend"

Anonymous wrote:Super hot? And what about your boyfriend. Good looking?

OP - the sheer volume of texting for the past year has created an intimacy between them that both enjoy. A lot. Even if talk never went beyond pop culture or whatever show they like, they have already developed a bond and I bet the sexual tension is thick between them.



He works out daily, incredible body. Great face and jawline. Big sigh....so this maybe one of those things where opportunity just hasn't been there. One office party with booze, one lunch with drinks and game on. I really need to think about this. He has chosen to be with me. He comes a great distance to be with me but he has his day to days with her. Best of both worlds
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 14:48     Subject: Re:My boyfriend has a "Friend"

Super hot? And what about your boyfriend. Good looking?

OP - the sheer volume of texting for the past year has created an intimacy between them that both enjoy. A lot. Even if talk never went beyond pop culture or whatever show they like, they have already developed a bond and I bet the sexual tension is thick between them.

Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 14:47     Subject: My boyfriend has a "Friend"

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can certainly see why you, as his girlfriend, would be intimidated by this. However, he's been friends with her for years and you've only been in his life for a few months. I would be pretty pissed if a new boyfriend started telling me that I shouldn't be friends with my close male friends because he was concerned that our texting about work BS and Game of Thrones was a threat to our relationship.

If I wanted to text my husband about these things, I would (and do!). Doesn't change that I'm also going to talk to other people in my life that I'm close to.

I think you need to figure out what exactly bothers you so much. That he chooses to talk to her instead of you? Do you want to talk to him for 3 hours while he's driving to see you? Do you want to text him incessantly?


I know this is my own insecurities. She is educated, I am not, she is single living extremely well(saw pictures of her home), I am back living with parents with son from previous relationship, she is well traveled, I haven't been off the east coast. I ask myself why has he picked me over her and if she isn't interested now but changes her mind and snaps her fingers does he just disappear out of my life. I feel like a second fiddle, like he settled for me cause he couldn't have her.


Well, think about it this way. She's a lot older than him and also is his superior at work. My husband has a pretty strong relationship with a woman who used to be his boss, but she's 15 years older than him and he definitely sees her on the same level as his aunt. He likes her, they talk regularly about mutual interests, and she has definitely played a really important role in his life, but he doesn't see her romantically.

Do you have anything other than a lot of communications to indicate that your boyfriend sees this woman romantically?


BTW...not his boss, just same company and in higher position than him. Not a mentor.

Well the only thing that does bother me is when I asked him what she looked like....first he hesitated then went on to say basically that she is super hot. This isn't a motherly, aunty, or sisterlyl type of relationship. I have seen a bad fuzzy picture of her, all I saw was a long slender leg and a lot of hair.


You know, honestly, there is no good that can come of asking a man about the physical appearance of another woman. Either he's going to tell you that she's ugly (and describe that) and he will seem like a jerk, or he will tell you that she's attractive, which will cause you to worry that he's attracted to her. None of that is a recipe for anything good.

He chose to be with you because he wants to be with you. Think about the things you have in common with him and stop focusing on what he might see in her. Alternatively, break up with him and sort out your self esteem issues before getting into a relationship. If you feel bad about yourself for your supposed flaws now, you will feel bad about them later too unless you address them.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2016 14:38     Subject: My boyfriend has a "Friend"

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can certainly see why you, as his girlfriend, would be intimidated by this. However, he's been friends with her for years and you've only been in his life for a few months. I would be pretty pissed if a new boyfriend started telling me that I shouldn't be friends with my close male friends because he was concerned that our texting about work BS and Game of Thrones was a threat to our relationship.

If I wanted to text my husband about these things, I would (and do!). Doesn't change that I'm also going to talk to other people in my life that I'm close to.

I think you need to figure out what exactly bothers you so much. That he chooses to talk to her instead of you? Do you want to talk to him for 3 hours while he's driving to see you? Do you want to text him incessantly?


I know this is my own insecurities. She is educated, I am not, she is single living extremely well(saw pictures of her home), I am back living with parents with son from previous relationship, she is well traveled, I haven't been off the east coast. I ask myself why has he picked me over her and if she isn't interested now but changes her mind and snaps her fingers does he just disappear out of my life. I feel like a second fiddle, like he settled for me cause he couldn't have her.


Well, think about it this way. She's a lot older than him and also is his superior at work. My husband has a pretty strong relationship with a woman who used to be his boss, but she's 15 years older than him and he definitely sees her on the same level as his aunt. He likes her, they talk regularly about mutual interests, and she has definitely played a really important role in his life, but he doesn't see her romantically.

Do you have anything other than a lot of communications to indicate that your boyfriend sees this woman romantically?


BTW...not his boss, just same company and in higher position than him. Not a mentor.

Well the only thing that does bother me is when I asked him what she looked like....first he hesitated then went on to say basically that she is super hot. This isn't a motherly, aunty, or sisterlyl type of relationship. I have seen a bad fuzzy picture of her, all I saw was a long slender leg and a lot of hair.