I don't agree with the assumption that an October birthday is always going to be the oldest in the grade, that is certainly nowhere near true in my childrens' elementary school classes with all the red shirting.
There are kids held back with April, May, June birthdays, at least 4 of them per grade at our school, and the spread is 18 months at my younger child's K class.
If you want to leave the school, fine, that's one hell of a commute, and I'm not sure what religous instruction
a 2-3 year old is really getting/understanding anyways that would make it worth it.
But to insist your October birthday is going to be the oldest always is simply not even close to being true, and the spread at Elememtary schools these days is Huge!!!

She is not being held back. They want to place her in the age appropriate class!?

Never let the school pressure you into holding your kid back. Tell them she'll move up or you'll go elsewhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's the thing--the kids they want to put her with are going to be her peer group throughout school it sounds like--she has a Fall birthday, right? She will always be in the older side, so may as well put her with those kids now. That said, the school doesn't sound too great and no preschool is worth that type of commute in my mind, though I am not religious so I can't speak to that aspect of it. If it were me, I'd probably change, but not because they want to hold her back to be in the class she should have been in had they not let her start early. Eventually, she would need to repeat a class, right? Sounds like she has another three years before Kindergarten, right?

Right, she has a fall birthday. And I can see how repeating Pre-K would be worse if they will be aging up with the same kids, but she won't be - what we would plan to do is have her do Pre-K at this school then repeat it nearer to our home where the kids she'll meet will be in her public school. I am not so on board with the idea of "class of X" in preschool though, I tend to prefer the preschools that e.g., are either so big that each kid is in a class with only kids within 6 months of their specific age, or have widely mixed-age classrooms where there are both younger and older kids together.

So if you put her in the correct class next year, she will be in a smaller age range than her current class.

You are being difficilt about the age thing. You want the older class to have a larger age spread of which your daughter is several months after the cut off, but are insulted by the idea of your daughter being in a class of kids her age or a few months to maybe ten months younger.

That is being difficult.

You want them to make an accomodation to let your daughter into the older class, but are indignant at the idea of her being placed in the correct class with an age spread less than what you are requesting.

Huh? I don't think I'm making myself clear. I'm not "insulted" at all - I totally get why they want to put her in the 2 year old class. (And for the record, I was only asking that she be moved up when she turned 3, not before.) I just don't want to pay and drive that much unless she is getting development-appropriate education, which I have observed that she is not currently. I suppose it would appear I am biased when I say that she's verbally advanced/not getting appropriate stimulation - I get how that sounds, but it's true. This is why I'm not going to "fight/be difficult," but just going to leave.

Are you a first time parent?

OP, I can't speak to the age situation, but let me reassure you about moving around. Because we moved twice in 3 years my children actually attended 3 different preschools. Totally didn't phase them AT ALL. They made the transition very smoothly.
The three months in the summer is like a lifetime to them.

Even if you are really talking about a 12-month daycare situation, I still wouldn't give it another thought. Move her back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just based on your posts you sound really difficult. There might be more to this story of why they are not agreeing to what you want.

I'm curious why you think I sound difficult - because if I am coming across that way here I probably am with them too and I definitely don't mean to be. I have not yet found a way to say "I think my child's developmental peers must include older kids" that doesn't come across as gross - is there one?

But if the answer is "they're not giving you what you want because you're a difficult bitch," that is probably even more reason to leave and start over where I'm not paying so much and driving so far that I feel entitled to be WOWED, as another PP put it!

Have you looked at (certified) Montessori preschools? They do mixed age classrooms for all of the kids. They think both older kids and younger kids benefit from mixed age classrooms.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's the thing--the kids they want to put her with are going to be her peer group throughout school it sounds like--she has a Fall birthday, right? She will always be in the older side, so may as well put her with those kids now. That said, the school doesn't sound too great and no preschool is worth that type of commute in my mind, though I am not religious so I can't speak to that aspect of it. If it were me, I'd probably change, but not because they want to hold her back to be in the class she should have been in had they not let her start early. Eventually, she would need to repeat a class, right? Sounds like she has another three years before Kindergarten, right?

Right, she has a fall birthday. And I can see how repeating Pre-K would be worse if they will be aging up with the same kids, but she won't be - what we would plan to do is have her do Pre-K at this school then repeat it nearer to our home where the kids she'll meet will be in her public school. I am not so on board with the idea of "class of X" in preschool though, I tend to prefer the preschools that e.g., are either so big that each kid is in a class with only kids within 6 months of their specific age, or have widely mixed-age classrooms where there are both younger and older kids together.

If you want to move because of the commute that is a valid reason (that is a really long commute for pre school!), even if you want to stay on the board of your religious place. We go to a religious based preschool where some members of the congregation have chosen other preschools for various reasons, and some preschool attendees are members of other congregations.

However, most preschools outside of Montessories or maybe daycares, place the children based on their age/grade. For example, at our preschool, the 2s program is for children who turn 2 by September 1. So if your bday is in October, you have to do the transition program, not the 2s. It was nice they let your daughter in last year, but I do not think iti s wrong to put them in the age appropriate class now. At our school they wouldn't have even allowed your daughter into the 2s. They keep everyone at grade level. And if your daughter's frustrations are more than the other children's or if she is having trouble working things out with peers, as much as YOU want her to work through those, it could be putting strain on the teacher who are there to teach the kids at grade level. It could also be frustrating for the parents of the other children in the class who feel extra resources are given to your child, who as you admitted, is young to be in the class.

You sound very particular about the kind of class you one your child in, and if you can't get past that you should move. You should not expect the school to change their policies because of your preferences.

Anonymous wrote:I am also a director and do not agree with the pp director. Your child is going to be the oldest because of her birth date. Get used to it. The school you are at now made a mistake by admitting a child that does not fit in to their stated guidelines which is why you are in the pickle you're in now. It is clear that you are not happy with the school. I would advise that you move your child now to a place that fits your whole family's needs. Good luck.

Yes, when schools do things outside their guidelines (like letting a child in who is too young), they end up in this "pickle!" I started at a preschool where the previous director had let too young kids in, and I had to be the person who had a hard conversation with 2 families about whether to move their child up or not because I was trying to get them in the right-age classroom. I vowed I wouldn't do this so I wouldn't put myself in this pickle.

Anonymous wrote:I am also a director and do not agree with the pp director. Your child is going to be the oldest because of her birth date. Get used to it. The school you are at now made a mistake by admitting a child that does not fit in to their stated guidelines which is why you are in the pickle you're in now. It is clear that you are not happy with the school. I would advise that you move your child now to a place that fits your whole family's needs. Good luck.

+1. DD's birthday is days after the cutoff and I think she would be better off in the older class but she will always be the oldest and things will even out later. Your DD probably will not have potty issues. DD was the only kid in her class last year who was potty trained. They did a great job of taking her to the potty, etc. and there was no impact. She talked about diapers but had no desire to be put back in one. Your school's mistake was moving her up last year and I agree that it's better to transition her to the right class now instead of later. I would leave her there.

I am also a director and do not agree with the pp director. Your child is going to be the oldest because of her birth date. Get used to it. The school you are at now made a mistake by admitting a child that does not fit in to their stated guidelines which is why you are in the pickle you're in now. It is clear that you are not happy with the school. I would advise that you move your child now to a place that fits your whole family's needs. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would move because of the commute even if you were happy with every other aspect. Just not worth it IMO.

On the class/age group issue...I get that it feels weird having your Fall birthday 3yr old in a class with mostly 2 yr olds. My DD has an Oct. birthday so she just misses the age cutoff. In her "2 yr old" class, where she was 3 for most of the year, she was in some ways the 'teacher's helper' because there is so much difference between a recently turned 2 and recently turned 3 yr old, esp. when you add in that DD is very big for her age. But, it really was fine. Her best friend in the class (and for a few years after that) was 10 mos younger than her. And a preschool day at either 2 or 3 is (or should be!) mostly play. I'd have had no problem with her being in that room as both a young 2 yr old and a 3 yr old. That would be much more preferable to repeating a preK year. At that point they are learning more academics and a 5 yr old doing a 2nd yr of Pre K is going to be bored. Unless you can figure out a way to get her ES to let her skip a year (not likely) or plan to home school, she will always be the oldest in class and it's best to get in sync with that rather than putting yourself in a situation where she needs to repeat PreK.

Thanks, and this is very reassuring--I really appreciate it! And yes, those are the exact reasons they want to keep her back. It's hard to explain, but the school as a startup is what exacerbates the 2 year old/3 year old thing. The classes aren't full yet and the mix of kids they have makes her fit much better with the 3 year olds. But more than the age thing it's that she has been with those kids since day 1 and she'd be the only one staying back. The school is suggesting this transition will be harder for her if she does it later, but I never planned to have her do 2 Pre-K years at the same school - I would move her for her 2nd year to the local public pre-K, which would then hopefully smooth out the transition to kindergarten and help her meet the friends she'll be with there. But this thread is helping me understand the disconnect a bit.

I'm a director of a preschool. I see both points of view - the one saying have her stay in the classroom to "right age her" now, but I can see the mother's point of view, that with the current mix of children, she fits in better with the 3's room. AND I'd tell the director your plans, that you will be moving her for her last year of preschool no matter what, that she will be leaving for her prek year to make friends in her local school zone. So whether they move her forward to the 3's room now, you would leave for her "2nd year" of PreK. But if you didn't move her forward, then she'd do the 2's room this year, 3's next year, and then the last year she'd leave for PreK.

But it also seems that the long commute just is so hard for the family. As someone with a long commute, I hear you! So look at other choices and choose the school that makes the most sense.

Frnakly, with a child who is always going to be the oldest in her class, I would also be intrigued by mixed age grouping at this point, so she has the experience of being younger than others, before always being the oldest. So I think you are right about your instincts to move to the 3's-5's room. There is lots of good stuff to say about mixed age grouping (multi-age grouping), and one is that kids don't have to keep making transitions every year. So put this into the thought process along with the other concerns, like commute, cost, etc. Believe me, in preschool they aren't learning so much about their religious faith that you can't teach by telling stories, going to church/temple/synagogue/mosque or having them learn later.

Anonymous wrote:I would move because of the commute even if you were happy with every other aspect. Just not worth it IMO.

On the class/age group issue...I get that it feels weird having your Fall birthday 3yr old in a class with mostly 2 yr olds. My DD has an Oct. birthday so she just misses the age cutoff. In her "2 yr old" class, where she was 3 for most of the year, she was in some ways the 'teacher's helper' because there is so much difference between a recently turned 2 and recently turned 3 yr old, esp. when you add in that DD is very big for her age. But, it really was fine. Her best friend in the class (and for a few years after that) was 10 mos younger than her. And a preschool day at either 2 or 3 is (or should be!) mostly play. I'd have had no problem with her being in that room as both a young 2 yr old and a 3 yr old. That would be much more preferable to repeating a preK year. At that point they are learning more academics and a 5 yr old doing a 2nd yr of Pre K is going to be bored. Unless you can figure out a way to get her ES to let her skip a year (not likely) or plan to home school, she will always be the oldest in class and it's best to get in sync with that rather than putting yourself in a situation where she needs to repeat PreK.

Thanks, and this is very reassuring--I really appreciate it! And yes, those are the exact reasons they want to keep her back. It's hard to explain, but the school as a startup is what exacerbates the 2 year old/3 year old thing. The classes aren't full yet and the mix of kids they have makes her fit much better with the 3 year olds. But more than the age thing it's that she has been with those kids since day 1 and she'd be the only one staying back. The school is suggesting this transition will be harder for her if she does it later, but I never planned to have her do 2 Pre-K years at the same school - I would move her for her 2nd year to the local public pre-K, which would then hopefully smooth out the transition to kindergarten and help her meet the friends she'll be with there. But this thread is helping me understand the disconnect a bit.