Anonymous wrote:op: Having my parents come will not help me. They stress me out and are not helpful with the kids.

Youre a horrible mother. People have given good ways to work around this. Hire an aid to help you. Send DH with your DD. Or dont be surprised when DS hates you and cuts you out of her life as soon as shes able. Parents like you disgust me. You have children other than your SN one. Be a parent to them too

Anonymous wrote:I understand what others are saying about making sure siblings of children with SN have their own attention BUT I have an 8 yo and there is no way I would pay for a Disney trip now unless it was a family vacation. The sports/dance/activities are all out of hand and they are too young.

OP is a rich Doctor. $$$ not an issue

OP- you're becoming more dislikeable with each post- not sure why you even posted as it's pretty clear that you are unwilling to make this opportunity happen for your daughter and are bent on shooting down every solution offered. Your story about the peanut allergy also sound really fishy...hard to believe your daughter had never come into contact with peanuts in 8 years (or that such a control freak would never have thought to do the peanut butter test to explore/rule out such a common allergen earlier on).

I do feel really bad for your daughter, who has probably already gotten her hopes up. It would be one thing if the trip was financially unfeasible or there were other legitimate obstacles, but you're just not willing to make it work, and given your controlling tendencies I'm sure it's not the first time she's had to miss out on opportunities. I hope you realize you're setting your kids up to resent you down the road.

I totally respect not wanting to send your child to Disney, but only if it is the marketing ploy or you are against Disney. This is not the last time something like this will happen. You need to consider ways it could work. Can't your DH go, with or without your parents? Could you find info online about how good Disney is with peanut allergies to ease your parents concerns?

I think it is ok to say no to something because it is too much stress, but unfortunately your reasons will never go away. You need to find a way to care for all of your children. I do not mean to make it sound like it is easy. You are carrying a huge burden. Maybe it is time to find some help, either through training your husband or hiring a nurse.

She says she's never eaten peanuts because of how they smell. Incredibly picky eater. Touched some PB that we were giving her little brother, touched her face, we couldn't see her eyes again until the next day with Benadryl around the clock.

Anonymous wrote:op: We discovered my 8 yo dd is peanut allergic a few months ago. Didn't know before.

So, she recently developed the peanut allergy? Or had she never had peanuts before? Did she break out in hives that cleared up with Benadryl? Or did she have full anaphylaxis from the peanut exposure?

The reason I'm asking is I can't figure out why your parents can't handle her peanut allergy. Obviously, they are flipped out by the idea of using an epi-pen but how severe could the allergy be if she didn't have it until she was 8?

op: Having my parents come will not help me. They stress me out and are not helpful with the kids.

Anonymous wrote:Send DH, and have parents come to you. They had the 4 days blocked out anyway.

I agree with this and another poster who suggested the same thing. May be easier for them to spend quality time with the 2 kids when the third is not there but being fully attended to and having a great time. They--your parents-- can make her Disney trip happen one way or another.

I understand what others are saying about making sure siblings of children with SN have their own attention BUT I have an 8 yo and there is no way I would pay for a Disney trip now unless it was a family vacation. The sports/dance/activities are all out of hand and they are too young.

I think you need to figure out a way to make it happen. And here's why: your one son who has chronic medical issues, is always going to have those issues. You can't let the rest of your family stop living because of this. You have to find a way to make it work.

There are several months and plenty of time for your daughter and your parents to get comfortable with the peanut allergy. A peanut allergy is manageable.

Send DH, and have parents come to you. They had the 4 days blocked out anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you parents just now discovered your DD has peanut allergies? I would really like to know the history of your interactions about this topic.

OP is over reactionary. She has her parents scared to death because OP has convinced them that NO ONE can care for her kids like she can. I don't blame her parents for not wanting to take this on--too much stress.

I feel for your husband and children, OP

+100

op: We discovered my 8 yo dd is peanut allergic a few months ago. Didn't know before.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question really has nothing to do with whether it's a marketing ploy or not. The question is: how can you accommodate the needs of your other children with a medically fragile child?

The answer needs to be: you find a way. If you are too worried about DH's ability to manage care, you need to work on it. You have 7 months. Train DH, hire an aid. Practice on a weekend. You need to be able to help your other kids when they need it too.

I think this is the bigger question. Today it's this Disney trip, but tomorrow it will be something else. Siblings of children with high needs have spoken eloquently on this board about the frustration/resentment they felt as again (spilling over to this day) at ALWAYS having the other kids come first, and never feel like parents focused on them. This is not to throw stones at you, OP--I can imagine how challenging things are for you. I'm just saying that you are going to need to put some effort into figuring out strategies that will serve ALL your children.

I totally agree with this. I'm the now adult sister with a sibling who is SN. Don't forget your other kids. They need your attention (which means one-on-one time) with parents too. Also, you really need someone who is able to handle your DS - just for your own sanity. Seriously, you must need a break.

All of this x1000!!!

You need to find a way to make this happen for your DD. If you've never been the sibling to a SN brother/sister, you can't possibly understand. You're always either the kid who can't go or the kid who goes but as a tag-along with another friend's family. And the amount of guilt you feel for being sad/upset you can't do something fun or adventurous is just horrible.

Anonymous wrote:So you parents just now discovered your DD has peanut allergies? I would really like to know the history of your interactions about this topic.

OP is over reactionary. She has her parents scared to death because OP has convinced them that NO ONE can care for her kids like she can. I don't blame her parents for not wanting to take this on--too much stress.

I feel for your husband and children, OP