Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH just returned from 5 months away. He came back two weekends and we went for a week (although he wasn't available to spend any significant amount of time with us) kids are 4 and 6. It was tough at first but we did fine. It's no big deal.

Fair or not I think there's a huge difference between dad going for 5 months and mom going.

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This

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? I would pass on the assignment, up to and including resigning. I know it's not what you want to hear, but there's no way I'd leave my kids (2 and 5) for three months.

My DH did a 3-month stint overseas when our first was 2, and his relationship with DC hasn't really ever recovered. It has made me extremely conservative about spending time apart as a family. I feel for military families who deal with deployments -- it is incredibly tough.

This! Definitely. And, I'm not judging your decisions at all, OP. It's obviously not any of my business and we all do what works for our family. But, there is no way I could do this for 3 months. No amount of money or career development is worth it (and I have a good job/WOH).

Even DH wouldn't take that long away with young kids, so it's not about being a mom versus a dad.

But, I do agree with the PPs, that you have to come back as often as you can. And, Skype every night at the same time so they know to expect it.

I traveled for a month for a trial (hey, peanut gallery, I bet that's not important enough and also was in a very inconvenient location that made my travel to the family and their travel to me very difficult. Is there a place you can meet halfway? We met in a fun city with lots of museums and activities one weekend and had a great time.

Anonymous wrote:Just curious what do your parents and in laws think of this?

Three are living and all three are completely supportive. DH's parents can't travel due to health issues but my mother can and she will be visiting once or possibly twice during the 3 months. And no, we aren't struggling financially at all, but we would be without my job. And, this is probably irrelevant to those of you who've written me off as a selfish and bad mother, but this something I've been working towards for a long time and something I care a lot about.

Op I think the best way to mitigate this is:

Skype before school and before bed. Even if they don't want to talk, call. Even if they just say what they ate for dinner.

Come home minimum every other weekend. Of course it will suck but this will suck for your kids and husband so I think you need to do it.

Anonymous wrote:My DH just returned from 5 months away. He came back two weekends and we went for a week (although he wasn't available to spend any significant amount of time with us) kids are 4 and 6. It was tough at first but we did fine. It's no big deal.

Fair or not I think there's a huge difference between dad going for 5 months and mom going.

Just curious what do your parents and in laws think of this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about what kind of "job site" this is??

Thanks again to everyone who responded with more good ideas and advice!

I purposely didn't say anything about what my job entails because it felt like too much personal detail for a DCUM post. Now I definitely won't because I'm sure the responses will be that my job isn't important enough to warrant this absence. My family depends on my income and this is pivotal for my career development, and I have to go. And it's nothing particularly interesting anyway.

Sounds like you know you shouldn't go.
Doesn't your spouse make a decent income? You must be struggling financially

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about what kind of "job site" this is??

Thanks again to everyone who responded with more good ideas and advice!

I purposely didn't say anything about what my job entails because it felt like too much personal detail for a DCUM post. Now I definitely won't because I'm sure the responses will be that my job isn't important enough to warrant this absence. My family depends on my income and this is pivotal for my career development, and I have to go. And it's nothing particularly interesting anyway.

I'm curious about what kind of "job site" this is??

It isn't the end of the world OP. Your kids will be fine. If your DH isn't used to 24/7 parenting, it will be hard on him. I'm a single mom and my DD sees her dad 2-3 times a year. She is a happy, well adjusted kid.

Anonymous wrote:Three months just doesn't seem like the end of the world to me like some PPs suggest. It's not ideal, but if you're willing (and not bring forced into it by your company), why not? Sounds like your kids will be well cared for while you're away. Aren't deployments much longer than 3 months? I'm guessing it's because you're a woman that people are reacting this way.

+1. DH has had times when he was away for 2 months or more. It was overseas and I also work so trips were not possible. It will be ok. They are being extra hard on you for being a woman. Call and FaceTime but make sure it works with their schedule as PP suggested. DH would often be disappointed we couldn't because the kids were sleeping or I needed to get to work. They went through times giving him the cold shoulder when he returned but it didn't last long. Also, give your husband a break if he does things completely different than you or if he gets snappy. Sometimes it would be hard for me hearing how he just got in from eating at a restaurant and I had just worked all day, had the kids in the evening, got them to bed and still had more to do on the computer. It will be hard for him too so try not to let it get to both of you.

My DH just returned from 5 months away. He came back two weekends and we went for a week (although he wasn't available to spend any significant amount of time with us) kids are 4 and 6. It was tough at first but we did fine. It's no big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You probably wouldn't do this, but I'd add don't try to micromanage the person left at home keeping things running.

I appreciate you reminding me, actually. My husband is going to be on his own and I admit I'm nervous about that.

NP but he will be fine. It will be great for him to be in charge a while, and he and the kids will have some good adventures hopefully.

I would suggest coming home once a month or once every 3 weeks (every weekend is going to be way too hard on you if the travel is really that intense), otherwise facetime several times a week, or if you can do it everyday read a book to them over facetime at bedtime or something. Bonus if its a book that you can read and that will finish just as you're ready to see them again.

They will be fine.

Three months just doesn't seem like the end of the world to me like some PPs suggest. It's not ideal, but if you're willing (and not bring forced into it by your company), why not? Sounds like your kids will be well cared for while you're away. Aren't deployments much longer than 3 months? I'm guessing it's because you're a woman that people are reacting this way.