Anonymous wrote:My DH used to do this and I finally called him out. Saying you'll do something (or stop doing it) and not following through, repeatedly, is passive aggressive and dishonest. At a minimum it's thoughtless. After we went to the mat a few times it's gotten much better. I told him, if you have no intention of doing xyz, be honest. Don't lie to end the conversation and then not follow through.

I had to read this twice, are you married to my boyfriend!The lack of follow through is insane. He just doesn't follow through. I've told him I can't stand dishonest people. I expect honesty just like I'm honest. I've asked him over and over if he plans to improve on this problem? I've repeatedly complained I'm now tired and told him I need some space from him. He needs to work on that issue, if not, we split for good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you call him on it in the moment? If he's struggling to remember to not do X, I think it's worthwhile to say something right when it happens.

Not usually, no. Usually something like later that day in a private moment (but not before bed). The thought being that it's a more open conversation in a separate moment. But maybe that's misguided.

But I don't think you're looking for an open conversation. You're looking for a behaviour change, like pp said. "I didn't mean to" is his part of an open conversation. He didn't mean to, that is a fact. If you want to change what he's doing, say something when it happens.

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like your DH turns these instances to make it all about him and his feelings. (My 6 year old does the same.)

I think you need to tell him that his intentions aren't at issue here- his actions are. He promised he'd do something and didn't do it. By not following through, he's pouring salt on your wounds.

You're not here to worry about his feelings, this is about your feelings.

My husband does the "I didn't mean to" thing sometimes and it is annoying. This is good advice.