Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many parents believe that if they plop their suicidal-anxious-depressed-substance abusing child in front of a therapist then the therapist can just magically make it all better in one hour per week while the parents do nothing in the family system to change the way they deal with the child or the other children in the home.

Therapy for an adolescent has to involve the PARENTS making major changes and the ones that I have seen are basically unwilling to do that. They just want their child fixed in an hour while they do nothing except pay the bill.

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR GROSSLY PRESUMPTIVE AND BOORISH "INSIGHT" INTO OUR FAMILY'S SITUATION.
If you want to ASS/U/ME with your keen judgement that's what kind of parents we all are then you can F&*K OFF and go troll somewhere else.

NP, but your extremely aggressive and defensive responses tell us everything. Your poor children.

Wow, Agree.

OP here. I find these judgmental statements^^^ to be way out of line. Sometimes people -- such as MYSELF -- feel very frustrated and tapped out and are looking for support and answers, not to be judged, not to be blamed, and not to have vague insults thrown at them. That adds nothing productive to this discussion. This is MY thread, that I started, so I could have a conversation; how dare you bully and shame the posters here with that kind of post. And if someone is feeling attacked, especially regarding their parenting, OF COURSE they are going to become defensive and respond accordingly!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many parents believe that if they plop their suicidal-anxious-depressed-substance abusing child in front of a therapist then the therapist can just magically make it all better in one hour per week while the parents do nothing in the family system to change the way they deal with the child or the other children in the home.

Therapy for an adolescent has to involve the PARENTS making major changes and the ones that I have seen are basically unwilling to do that. They just want their child fixed in an hour while they do nothing except pay the bill.

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR GROSSLY PRESUMPTIVE AND BOORISH "INSIGHT" INTO OUR FAMILY'S SITUATION.
If you want to ASS/U/ME with your keen judgement that's what kind of parents we all are then you can F&*K OFF and go troll somewhere else.

NP, but your extremely aggressive and defensive responses tell us everything. Your poor children.

Wow, Agree.

Anonymous wrote:I think it can be really helpful for kids if three conditions are met:
(1) its a good therapist (like anything else -- e.g., a bad electrician is probably worse than no electrician at all, because if he connects your wires wrong, the house might burn down; same for a bad lawyer, a bad doctor, etc.);
(2) its a condition that is amenable to therapy -- I think a lot of parents try therapy just because they have a challenging child, or a troubled family situation - therapy isn't going to really change any of that -- it's like giving an antibiotic for a virus. My narcissistic MIL goes to therapy all the time, but it's not going to change the narcissism and probably only makes it worse;
(3) the child is ready for it and able to cognitively accept therapy. We did several years of therapy for our ADHD child, but probably only got benefit from a few months worth. When we started, he was too young to really have the insight to modify his behavior; by the end, he was burned out and didn't really care what the therapist had to say. I think there was some useful stuff in the middle where he learned to recognize and talk about his feelings, and think about a way to problem solve.

It's just really hard to know when things are working or not. Just from talking to other parents, I think that it can be most effective for anxiety, which seems to be very amenable to treatment, plus the kids are usually upset enough by the anxiety that they really want a way to modify it. That's not true with every condition.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many parents believe that if they plop their suicidal-anxious-depressed-substance abusing child in front of a therapist then the therapist can just magically make it all better in one hour per week while the parents do nothing in the family system to change the way they deal with the child or the other children in the home.

Therapy for an adolescent has to involve the PARENTS making major changes and the ones that I have seen are basically unwilling to do that. They just want their child fixed in an hour while they do nothing except pay the bill.

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR GROSSLY PRESUMPTIVE AND BOORISH "INSIGHT" INTO OUR FAMILY'S SITUATION.
If you want to ASS/U/ME with your keen judgement that's what kind of parents we all are then you can F&*K OFF and go troll somewhere else.

Anonymous wrote:Many parents believe that if they plop their suicidal-anxious-depressed-substance abusing child in front of a therapist then the therapist can just magically make it all better in one hour per week while the parents do nothing in the family system to change the way they deal with the child or the other children in the home.

Therapy for an adolescent has to involve the PARENTS making major changes and the ones that I have seen are basically unwilling to do that. They just want their child fixed in an hour while they do nothing except pay the bill.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Waste of time and money, nothing but bitch session, often focusing on blaming parents for everything, well, in our case that sums it up. Ended up with kid who denied any responsibility for anything and blamed everybody else for everything.

You sound like my parents. They wanted therapy to explain to me what was wrong with me and how to fix it. They were the root cause of what was wrong, but no way no how were they ever going to hear that from anyone. The adults have to change first. That's what it means to be a parent.

On the plus side, I am hyper-aware of what not to do with my own kids, starting with blaming them for bad family dynamics.

+1.

OP, of course parents are a huge part of the overall picture of any child! They are the strongest influence in their lives. I'm not saying a child doesn't have to work on their behavior- of course they do- but problems for teens don't arise from a vacuum.

So you are saying a child with severe social anxiety from birth is the fault of parents? Or ADHD kids are created by parents? Parents hold a lot of influence, no doubt, but unless parents are truly insane, which some are, you are saying parents are whole to blame for their kid's actions? Teens are blameless? Right?

No, I am saying that as parents you are the creators of the environment in which the teen lives. You are key to your child's recovery-- whether you want to be or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapy IS expensive and time-consuming. Few providers take any form of insurance, and insurance companies are miserly at best in dealing with families facing mental health crises.

Here's the thing: recovery from serious mental illness is a life-long project, one that does not follow a straight line of upward progress, but involves a lot of setbacks and regression.

Have two years of therapy fixed my kid? I'd never make that claim. She's alive, despite two suicidal episodes, so there's that. We know more about what her emotional challenges are, so there's that. We communicate better as a family, so there's that.

I am really happy for you and you DD. Glad that she is alive and improving. I have studied Psychology and I am sorry to say that I think it is a Pseudo Science. I now think that good therapists are actually people with great patience and good understanding and listening skills, but that the majority are self inflated quacks. I am glad you found the person who was able to help.

Where did you "study" psychology and why would you study it if you think it's pseudo science. You sound incredibly angry. I'd suggest therapy...but I guess that isn't going to happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapy IS expensive and time-consuming. Few providers take any form of insurance, and insurance companies are miserly at best in dealing with families facing mental health crises.

Here's the thing: recovery from serious mental illness is a life-long project, one that does not follow a straight line of upward progress, but involves a lot of setbacks and regression.

Have two years of therapy fixed my kid? I'd never make that claim. She's alive, despite two suicidal episodes, so there's that. We know more about what her emotional challenges are, so there's that. We communicate better as a family, so there's that.

I am really happy for you and you DD. Glad that she is alive and improving. I have studied Psychology and I am sorry to say that I think it is a Pseudo Science. I now think that good therapists are actually people with great patience and good understanding and listening skills, but that the majority are self inflated quacks. I am glad you found the person who was able to help.

Where did you "study" psychology and why would you study it if you think it's pseudo science. You sound incredibly angry. I'd suggest therapy...but I guess that isn't going to happen.

Because it is. Psychiatry is not whereas psychology is subjective and further more, until recently was more of a mysticism than anything resembling a science. Results and methods of psychology can't be scientifically quantifiable and are open to subjective interpretation. Psychology doesn't meet basic requirements of scientific inquiry. There are five requirements: Clearly defined terminology, quantifiable, controlled experimental conditions, reproducible and testable. I am not angry at all, I studied it and only with studying, I realized that it is all bunch of made up ideas with no scientific base. How do you define depression, anxiety, it is different from person to person, how do you find a method to treat such anxiety? Now, psychiatry is a whole different beast since Freud and Jung days, psychology is an angry beast itself full of people who try to prove that it is a science, but that can't be done.

1) many scientists would disagree with you?

http://www.scilogs.com/from_the_lab_bench/is-psychology-really-science-why-yes-it-is/
http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/the-curious-wavefunction/is-psychology-a-e2809creale2809d-science-does-it-really-matter/
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/neuroskeptic/2013/08/19/is-psychology-science-is-the-wrong-question/#.V3Vi9PkrKUk

2) Why does it matter to you if it is or isn't a science? If it's not effective for you, then it's not effective for you.

Anonymous wrote:Therapy saved my child's life. She was suicidal and therapy gave her the tools to overcome those feelings and thrive. She took medication for awhile which was also essential but it was therapy that helped her learn how to face and surmount the challenges of living.