I had this happen to me with one of my children's parties this year. It is the first year we "officially" threw a party and invited preschool friends and such. I specifically addressed the invites by name to the child in the class. One mom RSVPd for both her kids. I was super annoyed b/c it was a flat rate up to a certain point and every kid after that cost money. I was okay with going over one or two people but wasn't anticipating siblings when I estimated.

Before we had the party, I actually ran into the mom at ANOTHER party for a preschool kid and, surprise! She had both her children with her even though only one was invited. She casually mentioned to me that she hoped it was okay that she was bringing both kids to our upcoming party but for them, the weekend was "family time" so they ALL like to attend these kid parties together for that reason. I think that logic is bizarro and was irritated by it but didn't want to be totally rude so just casually mentioned that I was paying per kid. I figured "lesson learned...I'll specify no siblings next time."

Of course, once the day of the party rolled around, she ended up backing out last minute anyway. But another parent had brought HER child's older siblings. However, that other parent arrived early and paid for her kids to come in because that's the courteous thing to do.

It's a social faux pas to EVER bring someone to a party who wasn't invited.

My father was career military and my mother never used the feeble "my husband is deployed" excuse for bad manners, e.g., my children are a package deal. My DH is foreign service and when family could not accompany him, I didn't use the "deployed" excuse. I am sI'm of military families expecting everyone else to kiss their posteriors because of "their service." it is a job that you chose knowing the risks and hardships.

Fair enough, PP. It was the lack of context that made people assume rudeness and entitlement, but you've explained now.

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Anonymous wrote:My kids are a package deal, but people who know us know this. I do usually ask if siblings are welcome, but for some people it is assumed. Unless you specified siblings were not invited, I don't think it's rude.

You are beyond rude and entitled. Personally, I wouldn't invite your kids ever if you bring them as a package deal.

How am I "beyond rude"? Package deal means only invite us if you can accommodate siblings. If you can't, then we politely decline. I don't find that rude at all, but maybe you had a bad day and needed to vent.

NP here: I"m having a great day and also think you are rude and entitled. Your kids can't handle the disappintment of not attending a party to which they weren't invited? You can't bear teaching your kids that sometimes it isn't about one of them? You can't bear allowing one child to celebrate with his/her friend? WTH? Um, we all have to learn these lessons at some point. You are doing your children a tremendous disservice with your attitude. Good luck to them.

DEFINITELY HAVING A BAD DAY ... hopefully it will get better for you. I think my children will grow up to be just fine and know how to handle "disappointment" [b]However, considering their ages and a host of other factors, no, they can not attend separately, yet.

Please enlighten us as to why one of your children cannot celebrate a birthday party with a child his or her own age without siblings in tow? Because clearly several of us do not understand. The fact that you resort to childish retorts rather than explaining suggests there might not be a very good rationale, but give it a go.

Rationale is as follows: 1) They are too young to attend on their own, so I would need to be there 2) We are military, husband deployed and have no family around and 3) That would require finding a sitter, and quite frankly, I'm not doing that for a kids party at this age

This is the choice I make for my kids, and I am open about it if we are invited to something and have NEVER had anyone have a problem with it... Either WE can come, or we can't and the families understand and no one is hurt by it.

I'm not sorry if you don't agree or understand this rationale, but it's not your family to be worried about.

I'm always surprised how often people on here say "my husband is deployed" like it is some sort of permanent state. I grew up in a military family (dad was a Captain in the Navy). He wasn't deployed my entire childhood. He was around more than he was away and my mom didn't have different social rules for when he was gone. My DH is not in the military, but he works all the time, including most weekends. I don't have different social rules for when he is working. That is just life.

I am assuming she means he is currently deployed.

Last response from me, heading home for the day and replying to more than one PP ... yes I meant currently, and yes the rules are different, not solely because of deployment, but more so because of my children's ages and not having family locally.

I'm not sure why "package deal" was construed aggressively ... although it was not intended to be off-putting. I thought I was clear that I DO ask if siblings are okay. However, I, personally, wouldn't find it rude if someone assumed that siblings are invited if not told otherwise. That is what I was trying to convey. Quite frankly, that is what communication is for, if it's not okay to bring the sibling, just say so ... my feelings wouldn't be hurt by it.

What was off-putting to me was being called rude and entitled by someone who knows nothing about my circumstances. I give people the benefit of the doubt, hence why I said maybe the poster had a bad day, but if not, then I'd consider them the rude one.

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Anonymous wrote:My kids are a package deal, but people who know us know this. I do usually ask if siblings are welcome, but for some people it is assumed. Unless you specified siblings were not invited, I don't think it's rude.

You are beyond rude and entitled. Personally, I wouldn't invite your kids ever if you bring them as a package deal.

How am I "beyond rude"? Package deal means only invite us if you can accommodate siblings. If you can't, then we politely decline. I don't find that rude at all, but maybe you had a bad day and needed to vent.

NP here: I"m having a great day and also think you are rude and entitled. Your kids can't handle the disappintment of not attending a party to which they weren't invited? You can't bear teaching your kids that sometimes it isn't about one of them? You can't bear allowing one child to celebrate with his/her friend? WTH? Um, we all have to learn these lessons at some point. You are doing your children a tremendous disservice with your attitude. Good luck to them.

DEFINITELY HAVING A BAD DAY ... hopefully it will get better for you. I think my children will grow up to be just fine and know how to handle "disappointment" [b]However, considering their ages and a host of other factors, no, they can not attend separately, yet.

Please enlighten us as to why one of your children cannot celebrate a birthday party with a child his or her own age without siblings in tow? Because clearly several of us do not understand. The fact that you resort to childish retorts rather than explaining suggests there might not be a very good rationale, but give it a go.

Rationale is as follows: 1) They are too young to attend on their own, so I would need to be there 2) We are military, husband deployed and have no family around and 3) That would require finding a sitter, and quite frankly, I'm not doing that for a kids party at this age

This is the choice I make for my kids, and I am open about it if we are invited to something and have NEVER had anyone have a problem with it... Either WE can come, or we can't and the families understand and no one is hurt by it.

I'm not sorry if you don't agree or understand this rationale, but it's not your family to be worried about.

I'm always surprised how often people on here say "my husband is deployed" like it is some sort of permanent state. I grew up in a military family (dad was a Captain in the Navy). He wasn't deployed my entire childhood. He was around more than he was away and my mom didn't have different social rules for when he was gone. My DH is not in the military, but he works all the time, including most weekends. I don't have different social rules for when he is working. That is just life.

I am assuming she means he is currently deployed.

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Anonymous wrote:My kids are a package deal, but people who know us know this. I do usually ask if siblings are welcome, but for some people it is assumed. Unless you specified siblings were not invited, I don't think it's rude.

You are beyond rude and entitled. Personally, I wouldn't invite your kids ever if you bring them as a package deal.

How am I "beyond rude"? Package deal means only invite us if you can accommodate siblings. If you can't, then we politely decline. I don't find that rude at all, but maybe you had a bad day and needed to vent.

NP here: I"m having a great day and also think you are rude and entitled. Your kids can't handle the disappintment of not attending a party to which they weren't invited? You can't bear teaching your kids that sometimes it isn't about one of them? You can't bear allowing one child to celebrate with his/her friend? WTH? Um, we all have to learn these lessons at some point. You are doing your children a tremendous disservice with your attitude. Good luck to them.

DEFINITELY HAVING A BAD DAY ... hopefully it will get better for you. I think my children will grow up to be just fine and know how to handle "disappointment" [b]However, considering their ages and a host of other factors, no, they can not attend separately, yet.

Please enlighten us as to why one of your children cannot celebrate a birthday party with a child his or her own age without siblings in tow? Because clearly several of us do not understand. The fact that you resort to childish retorts rather than explaining suggests there might not be a very good rationale, but give it a go.

Rationale is as follows: 1) They are too young to attend on their own, so I would need to be there 2) We are military, husband deployed and have no family around and 3) That would require finding a sitter, and quite frankly, I'm not doing that for a kids party at this age

This is the choice I make for my kids, and I am open about it if we are invited to something and have NEVER had anyone have a problem with it... Either WE can come, or we can't and the families understand and no one is hurt by it.

I'm not sorry if you don't agree or understand this rationale, but it's not your family to be worried about.

I'm always surprised how often people on here say "my husband is deployed" like it is some sort of permanent state. I grew up in a military family (dad was a Captain in the Navy). He wasn't deployed my entire childhood. He was around more than he was away and my mom didn't have different social rules for when he was gone. My DH is not in the military, but he works all the time, including most weekends. I don't have different social rules for when he is working. That is just life.

Anonymous wrote:Rationale is as follows: 1) They are too young to attend on their own, so I would need to be there 2) We are military, husband deployed and have no family around and 3) That would require finding a sitter, and quite frankly, I'm not doing that for a kids party at this age

This is the choice I make for my kids, and I am open about it if we are invited to something and have NEVER had anyone have a problem with it... Either WE can come, or we can't and the families understand and no one is hurt by it.

I'm not sorry if you don't agree or understand this rationale, but it's not your family to be worried about.

Do you insist on the package deal when your spouse is home?