Anonymous
06/27/2016 13:54
Subject: How to de-frump
I have stopped coloring my hair, and it looks much less frumpy than grown-out roots. Not for everyone, and I'm sure I'll get attacked on here, but it worked for me.
However, before then, I tried coloring with a temporary color, and discovered that it lasts much longer than expected, and fades out better, instead of the high-contrast color/roots scenario.
As far as face, I've started using mascara because my eyelashes have really faded, and it's a quick fix (but it took me a while to remember to also remove the mascara at the end of the day!). And I also like the Aveeno Clear Complexion line of face creams that even out splotchiness. I think it may be related to the Asian skin whiteners, which I try not to think about, but it worked for me to even out the skin tone (not whiten!) so that there's not a need for wearing full makeup.
I also have a prominent nose, and had come to terms with it in my 20s, but unfortunately one thing I didn't take into account with that is that aging seems harder on my face, and I'm trying my best to come to terms with it once again, without being overcritical.
However, before then, I tried coloring with a temporary color, and discovered that it lasts much longer than expected, and fades out better, instead of the high-contrast color/roots scenario.
As far as face, I've started using mascara because my eyelashes have really faded, and it's a quick fix (but it took me a while to remember to also remove the mascara at the end of the day!). And I also like the Aveeno Clear Complexion line of face creams that even out splotchiness. I think it may be related to the Asian skin whiteners, which I try not to think about, but it worked for me to even out the skin tone (not whiten!) so that there's not a need for wearing full makeup.
I also have a prominent nose, and had come to terms with it in my 20s, but unfortunately one thing I didn't take into account with that is that aging seems harder on my face, and I'm trying my best to come to terms with it once again, without being overcritical.
Anonymous
06/27/2016 13:41
Subject: How to de-frump
Just wanted to say with the others - I'm sure you are not as much of a disaster as you're making yourself out to be!
But buying yourself some pretty things can really make a person feel better. I get into terrible fashion ruts, and even just wearing a different top can make me feel better.
I'd say don't go buy your new things at TJs or Ross - those are terrific stores in some ways, but they really, really veer toward maximum frump a lot of the time. (Unless you're going to the high end designer section that some stores have.)
Everlane was a good suggestion. Madewell might also be good. I like a company called Bridge and Burn - it's kind of crunchy-Portland style but I live in their dresses (cotton, with pockets!). Stuff you can see online and never have to go into a store.
But buying yourself some pretty things can really make a person feel better. I get into terrible fashion ruts, and even just wearing a different top can make me feel better.
I'd say don't go buy your new things at TJs or Ross - those are terrific stores in some ways, but they really, really veer toward maximum frump a lot of the time. (Unless you're going to the high end designer section that some stores have.)
Everlane was a good suggestion. Madewell might also be good. I like a company called Bridge and Burn - it's kind of crunchy-Portland style but I live in their dresses (cotton, with pockets!). Stuff you can see online and never have to go into a store.
Anonymous
06/27/2016 13:31
Subject: How to de-frump
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Damn, y'all are harsh. I'm kind of in OP's situation and I not only do not have time to spend 3 hours at the salon every 8 weeks, but I also simply do not have the money to hire a babysitter to do that. I do makeup every day and it is HARD to make sure I do. I kind of have to because I hate my skin, but it makes our mornings very difficult for me to carve out 10 minutes for myself like that while DH is getting breakfast ready, putting away dishes, keeping baby safe, etc. As a result, I am always 10 minutes late to work and I haven't styled my hair in a year. It's also hard to motivate yourself to spend an entire weekend shopping to get some nice clothes when that will place a crazy burden on your spouse in terms of childcare, cleaning, food prep, shopping, etc. I try to shop online but end up returning 90% of things because I need to try them on and see them in person.
That said, OP, I do think if you can spend 3 minutes putting on blush and mascara that makes a big difference if you already have decent skin. Maybe find a way to do a "fancier" ponytail or something so you can style your hair in two minutes. I tried Stitch Fix and didn't really like it, but maybe it would work for you?
I don't understand these kinds of posts AT ALL (unless you're a single mom with kids so young that you literally can't leave them on their own for 10 minutes). I have two kids in elementary school and I work full time and I just would not ever leave the house without makeup on and my hair fixed. It's built into my routine in the mornings. Yes, I probably spend more time getting ready than some but I know how much time it takes and I build that in. I have definitely streamlined now that I have kids but makeup and fixing my hair are simply not negotiable.
OP, agree with all the advice about hair. I don't think anyone on earth would have decent hair if they let it air dry without any products. If blow drying is too much, find a product that can help your hair look less frizzy when you air dry and get a decent cut. As for makeup, try BB cream and blush and mascara. I love L'oreal BB cream from the drugstore and it costs about $11.
Yo - PP - she referred to her child as a baby so, yes, I think she is unable to leave her kid alone for 10 minutes. Just take a step back and consider that not everyone has a home and life that look like yours. Do you have family who lives nearby who cares for your kids while you get a hair cut? Perhaps OP does not. Do you have reasonable work hours such that you have time in the morning for a routine? Perhaps OP does not. As a teacher who has to get my child to daycare across town by 7:30 so that I can teach a class at 8:00 I, for one, do not have this luxury. It's easy to say just wake up earlier but at some point it becomes inhumane. I blow dry/straighten my hair at night every few days and then shower with a shower cap in the mornings to speed things up. When my kid was under two I went to work with wet terrible looking hair for a long time. Thank heavens I was in a job where people didn't judge me too harshly. I'm also severely allergic to most makeup so have to go bare faced except for lipstick.
Let's provide a little grace for moms of really little kids to look less than 100% coiffed for a few years before life gets easier to manage. My kid is 3 now and although I can leave her alone for a few minutes she handles transitions very poorly and does not get ready without serious guidance.
OP I don't often feel beautiful like I once did either. But I am hoping we're building a world that won't demand my daughter wear mascara when she's a new mom. A good first step is not to slam each other for trifling things like make-up online, especially when the mom in question was already asking how to do it better.
Anonymous
06/27/2016 13:27
Subject: How to de-frump
There are a ton of at-home stylists available now. Trunk Club, Stitch Fix, MM LeFleur, etc. Have them send you boxes of stuff to try, and see what you like. Send back the rest.
Anonymous
06/27/2016 13:12
Subject: Re:How to de-frump
1. You must color your hair. Maybe a different (lighter) color will help hide the grays in between visits? Discuss with your stylist what your best options are for cut and color considering that you can't come as regularly as you need to. If there are no other options, try experimenting with some of the root-touch up products they have now or just bite the bullet and make it a priority to go to the salon more often.
2. Keratin treatment to eliminate the frizz. I have naturally wavy and frizzy hair and after getting this done, I could actually let my hair air dry IN THE SUMMER without it turning into a total mess. You can do one now and it will probably last you through the fall or longer. But get it done at a salon, at least for the first time.
3. Dry shampoo!!! It prolongs your hairstyle between washes so it saves a lot of time when getting ready. I like Living Proof's dry shampoo.
4. BB cream, or CC cream, or tinted moisturizer to even out your complexion and save time. Add concealer where needed (under eyes for example). One quick swipe of blush and you're done. Tinted lip balm. Super easy and no more than 5 minutes.
5. Find 1-2 cool accessories - a bracelet or necklace or earrings for everyday wear, depending on what you can comfortably wear around the kids (my kids are obsessed with necklaces so I tend to stick to earrings and bracelets). And go a little bigger, but not huge, with the size of the accessories - if it's too dainty or delicate, it won't be as noticeable.
6. Buy a nice purse/bag. That can upgrade even the most basic outfit of jeans and a top. It doesn't have to be super expensive, but it shouldn't look cheap. Avoid logos.
7. Cute shoes/sandals. It makes you look like you put some effort into your outfit.
2. Keratin treatment to eliminate the frizz. I have naturally wavy and frizzy hair and after getting this done, I could actually let my hair air dry IN THE SUMMER without it turning into a total mess. You can do one now and it will probably last you through the fall or longer. But get it done at a salon, at least for the first time.
3. Dry shampoo!!! It prolongs your hairstyle between washes so it saves a lot of time when getting ready. I like Living Proof's dry shampoo.
4. BB cream, or CC cream, or tinted moisturizer to even out your complexion and save time. Add concealer where needed (under eyes for example). One quick swipe of blush and you're done. Tinted lip balm. Super easy and no more than 5 minutes.
5. Find 1-2 cool accessories - a bracelet or necklace or earrings for everyday wear, depending on what you can comfortably wear around the kids (my kids are obsessed with necklaces so I tend to stick to earrings and bracelets). And go a little bigger, but not huge, with the size of the accessories - if it's too dainty or delicate, it won't be as noticeable.
6. Buy a nice purse/bag. That can upgrade even the most basic outfit of jeans and a top. It doesn't have to be super expensive, but it shouldn't look cheap. Avoid logos.
7. Cute shoes/sandals. It makes you look like you put some effort into your outfit.
Anonymous
06/27/2016 12:48
Subject: How to de-frump
Great for you for maintaining your health and weight!
Hair-I'd work on hair because you spend the most lines writing about it. I think I'd pick a colour in a box and do it myself. That buys you time (I can't imagine having ANY type of appt last 3 hrs). A lot of people used boxed colour (look how big the store shelves are)... I'd also style it at night and just touch it up in the morning.
Clothes- buy nice anchor items over time. Have a hot list of what you need to buy, and hit up a Ross or TJ Max or Target to get it (cheapest/no one bothers you/easiest to get in and out fast).
Makeup- Spend 5 minutes in the bathroom or office at work when you arrive doing your makeup or do it in the car once you are parked. It will make you feel so much better, especially if a random photo ends up being needed. I always regret it if I don't wear lipstick for photos, though normally I forget to wear it- I make it a personal rule to just put it on for a photo or I look dead. The more you do your makeup, the faster you get. I do brows, lashes, liner and shadow and blush in 2-5 mins. It's an easy thing to do that helps camouflage and highlight.
On that note: your nose- interested in fixing it? If so, do you need a chin implant as well to even out other larger features (eyes/cheeks/brows)? Make a savings account/interview drs if so. If not, please stop calling yourself harsh, ugly, unflattering. Bad hair only accentuates features so again, please focus on the hair for now and the 5 minutes of makeup. Commit to this for a few months, then revisit surgery if you are still interested. but don't do nothing, then keep hating on your appearance.
Random things you didn't mention- how are your teeth? could you use a home whitening? Easy and cheap. Either way, if you are pale especially, lipstick improves so much. How are your brows? If they are very full/thick, have them professionally done- it improves your other features and lifts your face like surgery. How is your skin? If it's pale, who cares, add blush. If it's scarred by acne, add some foundation to your moisturizer so the coverage doesn't looks so thick. Basically, if there is a feature you didn't mention here, it is probably beautiful to someone.
In general- don't screw yourself. If your kids see you putting yourself last all the time they may grow up feeling that way about themselves. Put on a kids movie or show once in a while and buy some time to focus on yourself. Self-grooming is a part of a healthy sense of self and mental health.
Hair-I'd work on hair because you spend the most lines writing about it. I think I'd pick a colour in a box and do it myself. That buys you time (I can't imagine having ANY type of appt last 3 hrs). A lot of people used boxed colour (look how big the store shelves are)... I'd also style it at night and just touch it up in the morning.
Clothes- buy nice anchor items over time. Have a hot list of what you need to buy, and hit up a Ross or TJ Max or Target to get it (cheapest/no one bothers you/easiest to get in and out fast).
Makeup- Spend 5 minutes in the bathroom or office at work when you arrive doing your makeup or do it in the car once you are parked. It will make you feel so much better, especially if a random photo ends up being needed. I always regret it if I don't wear lipstick for photos, though normally I forget to wear it- I make it a personal rule to just put it on for a photo or I look dead. The more you do your makeup, the faster you get. I do brows, lashes, liner and shadow and blush in 2-5 mins. It's an easy thing to do that helps camouflage and highlight.
On that note: your nose- interested in fixing it? If so, do you need a chin implant as well to even out other larger features (eyes/cheeks/brows)? Make a savings account/interview drs if so. If not, please stop calling yourself harsh, ugly, unflattering. Bad hair only accentuates features so again, please focus on the hair for now and the 5 minutes of makeup. Commit to this for a few months, then revisit surgery if you are still interested. but don't do nothing, then keep hating on your appearance.
Random things you didn't mention- how are your teeth? could you use a home whitening? Easy and cheap. Either way, if you are pale especially, lipstick improves so much. How are your brows? If they are very full/thick, have them professionally done- it improves your other features and lifts your face like surgery. How is your skin? If it's pale, who cares, add blush. If it's scarred by acne, add some foundation to your moisturizer so the coverage doesn't looks so thick. Basically, if there is a feature you didn't mention here, it is probably beautiful to someone.
In general- don't screw yourself. If your kids see you putting yourself last all the time they may grow up feeling that way about themselves. Put on a kids movie or show once in a while and buy some time to focus on yourself. Self-grooming is a part of a healthy sense of self and mental health.
Anonymous
06/27/2016 12:29
Subject: How to de-frump
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Damn, y'all are harsh. I'm kind of in OP's situation and I not only do not have time to spend 3 hours at the salon every 8 weeks, but I also simply do not have the money to hire a babysitter to do that. I do makeup every day and it is HARD to make sure I do. I kind of have to because I hate my skin, but it makes our mornings very difficult for me to carve out 10 minutes for myself like that while DH is getting breakfast ready, putting away dishes, keeping baby safe, etc. As a result, I am always 10 minutes late to work and I haven't styled my hair in a year. It's also hard to motivate yourself to spend an entire weekend shopping to get some nice clothes when that will place a crazy burden on your spouse in terms of childcare, cleaning, food prep, shopping, etc. I try to shop online but end up returning 90% of things because I need to try them on and see them in person.
That said, OP, I do think if you can spend 3 minutes putting on blush and mascara that makes a big difference if you already have decent skin. Maybe find a way to do a "fancier" ponytail or something so you can style your hair in two minutes. I tried Stitch Fix and didn't really like it, but maybe it would work for you?
Excuses excuses. Can't you put your kid in a stroller and go shopping?
Wake up 30 minutes earlier and do your hair.
I completely agree with this sentiment. My solution is to take my kid with me, which is always a disaster.
LOL, you do not know my children. No, I cannot drag them along shopping with me. Getting in a 30-minute grocery trip is difficult enough.
And no, I also cannot wake up at 4:30 to do my hair. Pretty sure DH wouldn't appreciate that I was (even more) chronically sleep deprived and cranky but had good hair. Sometimes you just gotta be frumpy for a couple of years.
Anonymous
06/27/2016 12:21
Subject: How to de-frump
Speaking as a person with a generally pretty face but a plus size body, I would much rather have a smaller body. It is so much easier to find flattering clothing and develop a signature style when you can walk into just about any store and find something, or put your own personal stamp on looks you find in magazines. OP, you are going to look great. Enjoy your journey!
Anonymous
06/27/2016 12:14
Subject: Re:How to de-frump
Anonymous wrote:Here's the deal.....
You need to have some time to yourself. You will be a better mommy if you're taking care of yourself and feel good about yourself. No one is going to win an award for being the biggest martyr for their family and feeling like crap.
Sit your husband down and tell him that you need to find one day per month that he will step up and care for your children for a couple hours while you care for yourself.
There's absolutely no excuse for why your husband can't give this gift of time to you. Do it on a weekday evening and have him come home from work a little early. 1x per month.
I understand time pressure, cost concerns, etc. I get my hair colored every 3 weeks (my hair grows fast). I go to a salon in Georgetown it takes 1.5 hours and costs me $95 for color alone and $150 for a cut and color (which I do every other visit).
The goal is to come up with a very simple beauty routine that you can do that makes you feel good about yourself. Tinted moisturizer. Mascara. Lip gloss. Done.
Go on landsend.com or soma.com or somesuch and buy yourself a handful of soft, summer dresses. Just throw one on each day. You'll be comfortable and look put together without making much of an effort.
I was with you until you got to the soft summer dresses part. These can get frumpy really quickly.
Anonymous
06/27/2016 12:02
Subject: Re:How to de-frump
Here's the deal.....
You need to have some time to yourself. You will be a better mommy if you're taking care of yourself and feel good about yourself. No one is going to win an award for being the biggest martyr for their family and feeling like crap.
Sit your husband down and tell him that you need to find one day per month that he will step up and care for your children for a couple hours while you care for yourself.
There's absolutely no excuse for why your husband can't give this gift of time to you. Do it on a weekday evening and have him come home from work a little early. 1x per month.
I understand time pressure, cost concerns, etc. I get my hair colored every 3 weeks (my hair grows fast). I go to a salon in Georgetown it takes 1.5 hours and costs me $95 for color alone and $150 for a cut and color (which I do every other visit).
The goal is to come up with a very simple beauty routine that you can do that makes you feel good about yourself. Tinted moisturizer. Mascara. Lip gloss. Done.
Go on landsend.com or soma.com or somesuch and buy yourself a handful of soft, summer dresses. Just throw one on each day. You'll be comfortable and look put together without making much of an effort.
You need to have some time to yourself. You will be a better mommy if you're taking care of yourself and feel good about yourself. No one is going to win an award for being the biggest martyr for their family and feeling like crap.
Sit your husband down and tell him that you need to find one day per month that he will step up and care for your children for a couple hours while you care for yourself.
There's absolutely no excuse for why your husband can't give this gift of time to you. Do it on a weekday evening and have him come home from work a little early. 1x per month.
I understand time pressure, cost concerns, etc. I get my hair colored every 3 weeks (my hair grows fast). I go to a salon in Georgetown it takes 1.5 hours and costs me $95 for color alone and $150 for a cut and color (which I do every other visit).
The goal is to come up with a very simple beauty routine that you can do that makes you feel good about yourself. Tinted moisturizer. Mascara. Lip gloss. Done.
Go on landsend.com or soma.com or somesuch and buy yourself a handful of soft, summer dresses. Just throw one on each day. You'll be comfortable and look put together without making much of an effort.
Anonymous
06/27/2016 12:00
Subject: How to de-frump
Use at-home color between salon appointments.
If you look better with blush and lipgloss, wear blush and lipgloss. Tinted moisturizer + sheer powder + blush + mascara + lipgloss takes five minutes.
Pull your hair into a ponytail rather than letting it air dry into frizz. Or do it at night and brush it out in the morning. Or add a product to it rather than just letting it air dry--there are things meant to be applied to damp hair like that. Ask your stylist about them.
If you look better with blush and lipgloss, wear blush and lipgloss. Tinted moisturizer + sheer powder + blush + mascara + lipgloss takes five minutes.
Pull your hair into a ponytail rather than letting it air dry into frizz. Or do it at night and brush it out in the morning. Or add a product to it rather than just letting it air dry--there are things meant to be applied to damp hair like that. Ask your stylist about them.
Anonymous
06/27/2016 10:56
Subject: How to de-frump
Just do your hair at night. Yes, it gets a little flat laying on it overnight, but it still looks 10x better than letting your hair air-dry and turning into a frizzy mess, I promise. Then take 5-10 minutes in the morning to wash your face, moisturize, powder foundation and a touch of concealer under your eyes if you need it, blush, mascara. And if you work keep lipstick in your purse and put it on at your desk.
Anonymous
06/27/2016 10:51
Subject: How to de-frump
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Damn, y'all are harsh. I'm kind of in OP's situation and I not only do not have time to spend 3 hours at the salon every 8 weeks, but I also simply do not have the money to hire a babysitter to do that. I do makeup every day and it is HARD to make sure I do. I kind of have to because I hate my skin, but it makes our mornings very difficult for me to carve out 10 minutes for myself like that while DH is getting breakfast ready, putting away dishes, keeping baby safe, etc. As a result, I am always 10 minutes late to work and I haven't styled my hair in a year. It's also hard to motivate yourself to spend an entire weekend shopping to get some nice clothes when that will place a crazy burden on your spouse in terms of childcare, cleaning, food prep, shopping, etc. I try to shop online but end up returning 90% of things because I need to try them on and see them in person.
That said, OP, I do think if you can spend 3 minutes putting on blush and mascara that makes a big difference if you already have decent skin. Maybe find a way to do a "fancier" ponytail or something so you can style your hair in two minutes. I tried Stitch Fix and didn't really like it, but maybe it would work for you?
Excuses excuses. Can't you put your kid in a stroller and go shopping?
Wake up 30 minutes earlier and do your hair.
LOL, you do not know my children. No, I cannot drag them along shopping with me. Getting in a 30-minute grocery trip is difficult enough.
And no, I also cannot wake up at 4:30 to do my hair. Pretty sure DH wouldn't appreciate that I was (even more) chronically sleep deprived and cranky but had good hair. Sometimes you just gotta be frumpy for a couple of years.
Anonymous
06/27/2016 10:50
Subject: Re:How to de-frump
This happens to me too. It's easy to just start letting things slide. Lots of good tips on here - what has worked for me is:
-shower & style hair at night, after kid is in bed. It gets a little mussed by sleeping on it but it's really hard to find 30min for hair in the morning when you are prepping kid for daycare etc
-home hair color (or at least home root touch-up). Salon will probably look better but the box products are pretty good these days and it's way easier to fit into your schedule than a salon appt
-viciously purge your wardrobe, then make a list of what you need and go get it. Going forward, commit to having one shopping day per season where you refresh by buying 2-4 new pieces.
-makeup is all about routine. Just get into the routine of doing your makeup right after you wash your face in the morning. As soon as I put my moisturizer on, I do concealer as necessary, eyeliner, mascara, and brow pencil. Your products may be different, but the trick is just making it a habit.
-shower & style hair at night, after kid is in bed. It gets a little mussed by sleeping on it but it's really hard to find 30min for hair in the morning when you are prepping kid for daycare etc
-home hair color (or at least home root touch-up). Salon will probably look better but the box products are pretty good these days and it's way easier to fit into your schedule than a salon appt
-viciously purge your wardrobe, then make a list of what you need and go get it. Going forward, commit to having one shopping day per season where you refresh by buying 2-4 new pieces.
-makeup is all about routine. Just get into the routine of doing your makeup right after you wash your face in the morning. As soon as I put my moisturizer on, I do concealer as necessary, eyeliner, mascara, and brow pencil. Your products may be different, but the trick is just making it a habit.
Anonymous
06/27/2016 10:36
Subject: How to de-frump
Create a uniform/capsule wardrobe for work and casual. Once you have a few go-to outfits that you feel good about - the rest is easy.
And color your hair - I'm about 75% gray and I feel instantly younger at my every 4 week appointment. I also get my eyebrows tinted at the same time -- makes a HUGE difference.
And color your hair - I'm about 75% gray and I feel instantly younger at my every 4 week appointment. I also get my eyebrows tinted at the same time -- makes a HUGE difference.