Anonymous
Post 06/28/2016 18:33     Subject: Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
Summary of this thread: "I am really defensive about my child because she/he is ________, and so i bristle at innocent behavior by others"
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2016 16:48     Subject: Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
OP here - to the PP who said it was a humblebrag, I'm sorry if it came across that way, it definitely wasn't my intent. I get comments ALL the time from teachers and random people - just got one today from his gymnastics class at the rec center asking if he has developmental delays. This mom is weird because she either thinks I'm making up the diagnosis or more likely I think she's uncomfortable about it and tries to minimize it. Either way it comes across as suggesting we don't really know our child. She's mentioned a few times how it's "such a prevalent dx it's like everyone qualifies." I find it really hurtful because I would never wish anything, mild or not on a family and she has no idea how many hours a week of therapy and how much effort I put into trying to make sure that when DS is with other kids like hers, it can be as positive as possible of an interaction. Two years ago it wouldn't have been and even now it's hit or miss. FYI it's also not two different people - same mom keeps asking me if her kid is on the spectrum. To me it's sort of like talking to someone with diabetes and telling them "Are you sure you really have it? Maybe you just need to stop eating sweets. I feel thirsty sometimes, do you think I have it too?" It's just insensitive.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2016 11:32     Subject: Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
Anonymous wrote:Not really cringe-worthy so much as rude and ignorant -

This was a remark regarding my socially immature, but abundantly happy 13 yr old ADHD son when asked about what I was going to be doing with my DS while I was out for a few hours:

"....oh, you mean you leave him home alone...?" and she had "judge-y eyes" when she said it....Real Housewives of OC fans will get that reference.

Really? he's not a danger to himself. He's merely socially immature and still has a pretty innocent way of looking at life. He's not going to open the door and run out into the street, or burn the house down, or invite friends over for a kegger.



My DC with ADHD and a sprinkle od HFA is like that, but add in some happy flapping and jumping for joy. When he was 7 an older mom I do think meant well went out of her way to stop me after I walked my kid to school. She thought it was beautiful seeing me with my "retarded" child and discussed how hard it must be figuring out the future now that there are options other than institutions???!! First off, my defensive self wanted to tell her he has a high IQ, but I didn't because that really should NOT matter. No matter what his IQ, it was inappropriate. As I said, there was NO bitchy mom vibe. If anything I think she may have been sprinkled with Asperger's as well. I merely looked at her like she was nuts and then uttered something telling her not to concern herself or assume things, he will be just fine. I was tempted to say worry about your own kid who looks pretty miserable, but I refrained

When, I got in my car and cried. I cried because she couldn't just see him as a happy boy and move on. She saw the difference before the child.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2016 11:04     Subject: Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I had a white man offer me a considerable sum to reproduce with him. I was taking my then three-month-old son for a stroll when the man approached me. He was a well dressed businessman on his lunch break. He was perfectly nice at first, cooing over my son, which I found unusually sweet for a man. We made small talk about our professions and what maternity leave was like for me and his nieces and nephews etc.

After a couple of minutes of conversation, he asked if my son is mixed race, which he is (I am African, DH is Jewish), and then asked how old my son is. He remarked my son was a very "attractive" and "well formed" baby, and that I had maintained my figure very well. And then he made the offer, saying he believes in hybrid vigor and that, my genes mixed with his would produce a truly superior baby.

Mind you, this was an attractive and apparently cultured man who could presumably find a woman, and I was wearing my wedding ring. In what world would a married professional woman want to act as surrogate?

I got up and walked away, taking the long way home and looking over my shoulder several times.


Just pointing out that Jewish is not a race.


PP. African is not a race either. It should be obvious to you that, by including two descriptors neither of which are races, I was intending to be specific about our backgrounds.


Using the word race was incorrect on your part. Just putting it out as this is DCUM and you need to use proper English to be understood on here.


I don't really wish Jeff would add down voting, but for your pointless post, I kind of do.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2016 11:01     Subject: Re:Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
Anonymous wrote:When DS was 6 months old he had pretty bad eczema on his face. While shopping at CVS one day a woman took one look at him and said "That is one nasty looking baby!"

When he was around 16 months or so, I took him to the local library to pick up some books and just to play around, he couldn't walk at the time, or crawl that well, just laid there really. There was another kid there, probably around 2.5, who was trying to play with my son, and when he wouldn't get up to follow the other boy his mom said, "Oh he can't walk, his mom probably isn't teaching him" I coldly explained that it had nothing to do with me teaching him and that he wasn't physically capable of walking. She stammered some stuff and eventually left.

The most recent thing, which is ongoing sadly, is when we're at the park, my son, who is nearing 3 now, badly wants to play with the kids he sees there, and usually he does but there's always one or two moms who see that he can't talk, flaps his hands around and sometimes yells out in excitement and they will pull their kids away and say something like, "oh don't play with him, he doesn't play right, he's making weird noises" Breaks my heart every time.



I cart my kids away from other kids if the other kids are swearing or hitting. Who the hell talks like this?
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2016 10:45     Subject: Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have some friends we hang out with fairly often and I like them a lot but the mom has asked me a few times if I am "sure" that my DS is on the spectrum. Yes, I am. We've had a full evaluation through insurance and another through the school district. I also wouldn't willingly get an IEP, do hours of ABA, speech and OT a week, pay $ for everything under the sun that might help and have to do all the other 101 things we do without a diagnosis. I generally interpret her comments as trying to be positive and suggest that he's high functioning but there is also a part of me that thinks it's totally inappropriate. I'd love for him not to have all these challenges since it would make it easier for him and us too but he does so I don't get why she questions it. Today she asked if we thought she should get her DS evaluated because occasionally he hand flaps. I've seen him many times in different settings and I can confidently say that he's completely NT. I have an NT child as well and some really good ASD radar and I'm sure her DS is nowhere near the spectrum. I really don't think she means anything by it and I will say something more pointed if I feel like it sometime, but it got me wondering what are some of the other cringe-worthy things people have said to you? It's anonymous folks - let loose!


I don't see either of those as cringeworthy - one compliments your child, the other you. The first parent apparently thinks your kid is so high functioning that he passes as NT to her. The second one is worried about her child and apparently thinks you know something about ASD, so she asked your opinion. It almost reads like a SN humblebrag, where such a thing not a ridiculous oxymoron.


Being "high functioning" or passing as NT aren't compliments. If someone said to your daughter "she's so coordinated, are you sure she'd not a boy?" or about your AA child "He's so cute, are you sure he's not white?" would you argue that those things are compliments?
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2016 10:00     Subject: Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
Anonymous wrote:I had a white man offer me a considerable sum to reproduce with him. I was taking my then three-month-old son for a stroll when the man approached me. He was a well dressed businessman on his lunch break. He was perfectly nice at first, cooing over my son, which I found unusually sweet for a man. We made small talk about our professions and what maternity leave was like for me and his nieces and nephews etc.

After a couple of minutes of conversation, he asked if my son is mixed race, which he is (I am African, DH is Jewish), and then asked how old my son is. He remarked my son was a very "attractive" and "well formed" baby, and that I had maintained my figure very well. And then he made the offer, saying he believes in hybrid vigor and that, my genes mixed with his would produce a truly superior baby.

Mind you, this was an attractive and apparently cultured man who could presumably find a woman, and I was wearing my wedding ring. In what world would a married professional woman want to act as surrogate?

I got up and walked away, taking the long way home and looking over my shoulder several times.


Really? As a single woman, I would find the behavior you described pretty unattractive, culturally clueless, and off putting. I'm guessing finding a woman isn't easy for someone that awful. Not that I have a lot of sympathy.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2016 09:55     Subject: Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
Anonymous wrote:We have some friends we hang out with fairly often and I like them a lot but the mom has asked me a few times if I am "sure" that my DS is on the spectrum. Yes, I am. We've had a full evaluation through insurance and another through the school district. I also wouldn't willingly get an IEP, do hours of ABA, speech and OT a week, pay $ for everything under the sun that might help and have to do all the other 101 things we do without a diagnosis. I generally interpret her comments as trying to be positive and suggest that he's high functioning but there is also a part of me that thinks it's totally inappropriate. I'd love for him not to have all these challenges since it would make it easier for him and us too but he does so I don't get why she questions it. Today she asked if we thought she should get her DS evaluated because occasionally he hand flaps. I've seen him many times in different settings and I can confidently say that he's completely NT. I have an NT child as well and some really good ASD radar and I'm sure her DS is nowhere near the spectrum. I really don't think she means anything by it and I will say something more pointed if I feel like it sometime, but it got me wondering what are some of the other cringe-worthy things people have said to you? It's anonymous folks - let loose!


I don't see either of those as cringeworthy - one compliments your child, the other you. The first parent apparently thinks your kid is so high functioning that he passes as NT to her. The second one is worried about her child and apparently thinks you know something about ASD, so she asked your opinion. It almost reads like a SN humblebrag, where such a thing not a ridiculous oxymoron.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2016 09:46     Subject: Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I had a white man offer me a considerable sum to reproduce with him. I was taking my then three-month-old son for a stroll when the man approached me. He was a well dressed businessman on his lunch break. He was perfectly nice at first, cooing over my son, which I found unusually sweet for a man. We made small talk about our professions and what maternity leave was like for me and his nieces and nephews etc.

After a couple of minutes of conversation, he asked if my son is mixed race, which he is (I am African, DH is Jewish), and then asked how old my son is. He remarked my son was a very "attractive" and "well formed" baby, and that I had maintained my figure very well. And then he made the offer, saying he believes in hybrid vigor and that, my genes mixed with his would produce a truly superior baby.

Mind you, this was an attractive and apparently cultured man who could presumably find a woman, and I was wearing my wedding ring. In what world would a married professional woman want to act as surrogate?

I got up and walked away, taking the long way home and looking over my shoulder several times.


Just pointing out that Jewish is not a race.


PP. African is not a race either. It should be obvious to you that, by including two descriptors neither of which are races, I was intending to be specific about our backgrounds.


Using the word race was incorrect on your part. Just putting it out as this is DCUM and you need to use proper English to be understood on here.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2016 08:08     Subject: Re:Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
A geneticist at Children's Hospital (now gone) said, referring to my delightful but delayed 18 month year old with a genetic disorder. "It's amazing he isn't a vegetable." (That child now is doing average work in 3rd grade and playing on a local baseball team.)
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2016 23:39     Subject: Re:Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When DS was 6 months old he had pretty bad eczema on his face. While shopping at CVS one day a woman took one look at him and said "That is one nasty looking baby!"

When he was around 16 months or so, I took him to the local library to pick up some books and just to play around, he couldn't walk at the time, or crawl that well, just laid there really. There was another kid there, probably around 2.5, who was trying to play with my son, and when he wouldn't get up to follow the other boy his mom said, "Oh he can't walk, his mom probably isn't teaching him" I coldly explained that it had nothing to do with me teaching him and that he wasn't physically capable of walking. She stammered some stuff and eventually left.

The most recent thing, which is ongoing sadly, is when we're at the park, my son, who is nearing 3 now, badly wants to play with the kids he sees there, and usually he does but there's always one or two moms who see that he can't talk, flaps his hands around and sometimes yells out in excitement and they will pull their kids away and say something like, "oh don't play with him, he doesn't play right, he's making weird noises" Breaks my heart every time.


Your boy is autistic


Thanks so much, I am sure PP needed your helpful viewpoint!
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2016 23:20     Subject: Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
Church administrator was inviting us to a function, and son politely declined (it wasn't his kind of thing). She asked, "Are you sure? We try to be inclusive here."
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2016 20:35     Subject: Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I had a white man offer me a considerable sum to reproduce with him. I was taking my then three-month-old son for a stroll when the man approached me. He was a well dressed businessman on his lunch break. He was perfectly nice at first, cooing over my son, which I found unusually sweet for a man. We made small talk about our professions and what maternity leave was like for me and his nieces and nephews etc.

After a couple of minutes of conversation, he asked if my son is mixed race, which he is (I am African, DH is Jewish), and then asked how old my son is. He remarked my son was a very "attractive" and "well formed" baby, and that I had maintained my figure very well. And then he made the offer, saying he believes in hybrid vigor and that, my genes mixed with his would produce a truly superior baby.

Mind you, this was an attractive and apparently cultured man who could presumably find a woman, and I was wearing my wedding ring. In what world would a married professional woman want to act as surrogate?

I got up and walked away, taking the long way home and looking over my shoulder several times.


Just pointing out that Jewish is not a race.


PP. African is not a race either. It should be obvious to you that, by including two descriptors neither of which are races, I was intending to be specific about our backgrounds.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2016 20:11     Subject: Re:Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
Anonymous wrote:When DS was around 3 years old we went to a play date with a family who had a son the same age. They also had an infant at the time and DS is an only child. DS was cranky that day because he hadn't napped and their son took a toy from DS's hands and DS started crying. The mom of the other boy said "see, that's why you need to have another kid--so your DS doesn't end up a wuss."

We live in the same neighborhood as the other family and kept running in to them. Every time we saw them the mom would say something like "oh, it's good to see that he's toughening up. Maybe he'll be ready to play with (their DS) again soon."


Wowwww, that would really piss me off! How did you respond?
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2016 20:03     Subject: Most cringe-worthy thing someone has said to or about your child?
I have been mistaken for my child's nanny on several occasions. Then when I explain that my child is in fact mine, I usually get a "oh, he must look like his daddy!"