OP here. Really appreciate everyone's input. The consensus seems to be that it'll be far easier to manage our day-to-day finances with a joint account into which our paychecks are deposited. Not sure what I can do to convince DH though, which I realize is an altogether separate issue. Thanks again, and wish us luck!

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering if all these separate account people have children, dog etc? To the OP, banking isn't the issue, it's your husband. I think if you are the bill payer ( and let's face it: it takes time and some organizational skills), you should be able to choose the accounting method. Give DH the job and see how well he does.

Yes, we have two kids and on dog.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We use joint accounts.

Anecdotal, my impression is that 80% of my married friends use joint accounts and 20% keep their money separate.

But I am not sure I know any couples that put their money into a pooled joint account and then transfer it out to separate, individual spending accounts (except for one case where the wife is doing it in secret).

Is there a reason you don't just want to operate out of a fully joint account? It sounds like it would make your life easier.

OP here. I would actually be fine with just doing everything out of the joint account, but he says he doesn't want to pay for my student loans. And he loves to shop (e.g., all the gear you can imagine for the camping trip he takes every other year), so it's probably best for me to be unaware of how much money he spends on things that I don't consider necessary.

And 15:42 - I'm in awe that you can make that system work!! I'm basically trying to minimize the need for me to ask him to chip in or otherwise contribute more than he already has, since most of those conversations end up in an argument.

Then, maybe the real problem is that he's just not as concerned as I am, and he'll go days and weeks without checking on our accounts, knowing that I'll take care of things, and restructuring how the money flows won't solve that.

The problem is you don't have a budget. If you agree how your going to spend your money for the year there is no arguing.

We automatically deposit 60% of our paychecks into the joint checking account to cover all family expenses. We do what we want with the other 40% of our respective paychecks. This works for us so far because household expenses do not exceed 60% of net. I am a saver and hubby is an investor so we don't have to nag each other about our different financial preferences.

One family, one account.

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering if all these separate account people have children, dog etc? To the OP, banking isn't the issue, it's your husband. I think if you are the bill payer ( and let's face it: it takes time and some organizational skills), you should be able to choose the accounting method. Give DH the job and see how well he does.

We have kids and child-related expenses come out of the joint account.

I am wondering if all these separate account people have children, dog etc? To the OP, banking isn't the issue, it's your husband. I think if you are the bill payer ( and let's face it: it takes time and some organizational skills), you should be able to choose the accounting method. Give DH the job and see how well he does.

We have both separate and joint accounts, with the expenses split pretty much how you spell out. Our direct deposits go into our own accounts, and we transfer money into the joint account regularly: my husband transfers twice a month, and I transfer once a month. (He also makes 2x as much as me, so puts 2x as much in.)

He is totally the person who manages the account, checks to make sure there's enough money, etc. He has some incentive to do so because our overdraft protection is HIS personal checking account. I will fully admit that before we got on our current schedule of monthly deposits, I was the person who sometimes required more than one reminder to deposit money. Then he started asking for access to my account, so he could just move the money himself. I promised to be better, and I largely have been because I know that he'll otherwise start asking for access to my account again. (And he would be totally responsible about having access to my account, but I like keeping it mine, and I like making the transfers myself.)

In our case, I feel absolutely zero guilt about him having to monitor our accounts because I know that in our overall division of labor, I do more than him. So, if you can't fix this narrow problem about finances, maybe you can calculate it in your division of labor better? You will keep monitoring accounts, and even bugging your husband about deposits, if he will start giving the dog its weekly bath or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We use joint accounts.

Anecdotal, my impression is that 80% of my married friends use joint accounts and 20% keep their money separate.

But I am not sure I know any couples that put their money into a pooled joint account and then transfer it out to separate, individual spending accounts (except for one case where the wife is doing it in secret).

Is there a reason you don't just want to operate out of a fully joint account? It sounds like it would make your life easier.

We do that - one main joint account with separate personal accounts that we add to each month. The main account is for bills, groceries, etc. The separate accounts are for much smaller frivolous stuff that we aren't going to coordinate with each other on.

Us too, and we actually refer to our personal accounts as our "allowances." The personal accounts have always been equal deposits twice a month for each of us, although at various times one or the other of us has made more in salary (and therefore contributes more to the joint accounts). Neither of us has to keep track of the other person's lunches, haircuts, Amazon purchases, etc etc. All household and kid expenses come out of the joint, and if for some reason I wanted or needed to get something and my personal account was low, I would tell him I needed a hundred bucks out of the joint account and it wouldn't be a big deal. And vice versa. The trick is to agree on an allowance you both can live with and keep the bulk of the household money in the joint accounts because, as others have pointed out, at the end of the day a marriage is by definition a joint financial arrangement.