Anonymous wrote:You all are just going to have to get over me saying "no thank you please" to my children

Anonymous wrote:You all are just going to have to get over me saying "no thank you please" to my children

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Anonymous wrote:I've heard it a lot too and think it sounds stupid. I like teaching them to be polite but this doesn't seem like a good way to model polite language since you are using the language in a way people don't usually talk, which makes it weird for the kid. Instead of saying "no thank you" when a kid does something they shouldn't, why not instead say "no running, please" or "please do not throw toys" or whatever. Makes more sense to me as a way to teach politeness while still letting the kid know not to do something.

+1 This is exactly how you should phrase it, IMO!

That doesn't put a happy, positive spin on it. "No thank you" works for the people who want to gently correct.

I think it sounds ridiculous myself. For the PP from the South, no we don't say "No thank you" when someone is doing something they shouldn't. We say "No thank you" when something is offered that we don't want, or aren't interested in.

What? Saying "please" is absolutely a gentle correction. It also has a TON to do with tone of voice. I have heard people sound pretty insincere and threatening when shouting "no thank you." I actually think it sounds somewhat underhanded unless the kid is doing something that could possibly be interpreted as trying to help you (i.e. "No thank you, I have my own crackers. I don't want your half chewed-up, sloppery ones. Thanks.").

I always thought so, too. However a mom who uses "no thank you" all the time says "No running, please" puts a negative spin on it. You're not offering the child anything positive.

Her other response to running specifically is "Walking feet, please!" in that sing song-y voice.

Maybe it's just her.

Haha, I have a perfect image of her in my head based on that description.

I like the idea of being positive rather than negative, but if that's what a person wants to do, then they shouldn't say "no" at all. They should always instruct the kid to do the opposite (like "walking feet" instead of "no running"). Saying "no thank you" doesn't change the fact that the message is "no." I'm all for telling kids what TO do rather than what NOT to do -- mostly because it works better and makes them less frustrated. But when you have to say no, just say no! "No thank you" is not a positive.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a former preschool teacher. I'm pretty sure I've never said "No thank you" in this context unless the behavior I didn't want was a kid trying to give me something (e.g kid shoving playdough cookies at you when you're trying to talk on the phone).

I have, however said "No", and then "Thank you" a moment later when the kid starts to comply. Sometimes, when you tell a young kid "no", they'll stop for a second because they're startled, and if you act like they did it on purpose it will stick. I'm not sure I'm explaining it well, but it absolutely works. It's the same thing with some kids who are tantrumming. I stay still, look away (while still supervising and keeping them safe) and wait. When they stop for a breath, I jump in and say "all done? Oh good, let's go wash your face so we can play playdough" and the kid forgets that they weren't all done and starts towards the sink.

I should note that this works better for some kids than others. A good preschool teacher (or mom) has a bunch of tricks up her sleeve. Not just one!

Anonymous wrote:I think it's dumb too. My DD knows to say "no thank you" if something is offered to her that she wants to reject. But if I ask if she's going somewhere I don't expect her to say "no thank you". That would be stupid.