Anonymous wrote:Got drunk, forgot about ex, went back to school, met someone completely the opposite of ex, now happy.

This sounds like a guy. "forgot about ex." Yeah, like it's that easy.

Got drunk, forgot about ex, went back to school, met someone completely the opposite of ex, now happy.

Took some time off and did a volunteer stint overseas in my field. Living in a new place, meeting new people and having a chance to to travel got me started.
When I returned home, I did things I had always wanted to but never did since I married so young (23).
Lived my life for me and enjoyed it.
Met someone and married after a few years. No regrets. And now I have the life I always wanted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Binge drinking
Lowering of standards to...
...have lots and lots of sex with guys I normally wouldn't have considered in my younger days

Repeat

Hot

Sort of, she's admitting she had to put out for guys she would have never put out for pre-divorce. But in the end, men win, so there you go...

I did it.

Lots of time, tons of therapy, found other divorced moms, started confiding in old friends, made new friends, went back to work, lost 20 pounds and go running or to yoga daily, try to get out of town and travel and see new places, started dating again (after a lot of time had passed).

You can do it. Divorce is not always failure. The marriage in the first place might have been a mistake, but sometimes getting divorced is a huge victory and something to be proud of - something that takes a lot of courage and grace. Mine was like this. My ex was mentally ill, plus a lot of other things.

You can do this. I am happier than I've been my entire adult life. I never, ever thought I would ever, ever say this.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I'm sure it's not an easy time for you. Is there any hope for your marriage? Have you tried talking to someone about it (other than your husband)? I really think you need to take good care of yourself (whether or not the divorce goes through). You need to find some ways to relax and find some things to do that make you happy. I hope it's OK if I pray for you through this difficult time.

Around 40 I found myself married with two kids and generally unhappy. My life seemed to center around the kids and trying to convince myself that I had achieved my life dreams. Truth is I had no real identity beyond my kids. I read Gretchen Rubin's happiness project and although not all of if spoke to me much of it did. The part about novelty struck me the most. so I took up a couple of new hobbies and in the process learned a lot about myself - I also learned that I was very unhappy in my marriage - worked on a bit but ended up divorced two years ago - i now have a very happy full and balanced life - i hope to find a new partner at some point but not in a hurry and definitely looking for someone who accepts me what I've learned I am. good luck

Anonymous wrote:

I made space to find myself...

Next, try new things... Throw a bunch of new activities into your life and see which stick.

Third, but perhaps most important, DO NOT go looking for someone. Seriously...Stick to casual friends/activity buddies for a bit.

...Don't lay on (additional) guilt by feeling selfish for taking time to find yourself.

This PP's advice is spot on. Some of the things you HAVE to do turn into things you want to do:

I seriously downsized so I could live in an affordable place, and it turns out I feel freed up by the absence of clutter (thanks to Craigslist, Ebay and Goodwill).

I could no longer rely on my husband's cooking so with the help of Blue Apron I learned to cook and actually kind of enjoy it.

And some of the things I wanted to do were actually counterproductive. For example it seemed obvious to sign onto Match.com right away like my ex did, he met somebody right away, I didn't find anyone interesting after 1.5 years and the process was exhausting. What I really need is friends and now I'm focusing on spending more time with the friends I sort-of ignored during the marriage, and that's much more satisfying.

Like another poster, my ex was always watching TV every evening, and I do other things now that would have been impossible with the TV on: play piano or the stereo, read, etc.

I also run every morning and rely on the endorphin rush to cheer me up and distract me from the depression that is often waiting around the corner.