Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 15:32     Subject: Re:Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Some husbands simply want to provide their wife with a nice life and have a less stressful home and schedule. Why is this so hard to understand? Work is hard and I will already be doing most of the lifting in terms of pregnancy and caring for a young child. My husband wants me to be happy and to do whatever is best for me and for our family, which may be staying home. It's not necessarily a bad thing to have a husband whose love and admiration for you isn't dependent on how much money you bring to the relationship or what you do or don't do from 9-5.

When I was dating I hated how men seemed to be so polarized about this. I have no idea if I will want to stay home with kids (probably not) but I tried to avoid men who hated sahms or who were insistent that their future wife work. I'm glad I found a man who simply wants us both to be happy.


So next year when he wants to stay home, you will do so to make sure he is happy? That is true partnership!



Nothing I wrote above should make you jump to that conclusion. Perhaps it's a reflection of your own relationship? I plan on continuing working as I enjoy my job and I earn a lot of money. However, I am well aware a situation could arise where it doesn't make sense for me to work, such a special needs child and aging parents. But regardless it shouldn't change how my husband feels about me.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 15:32     Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Under no circumstances would any woman allow a man to not work for 5+ years without small or special needs kids to deal with. If the roles were reverses most of you would utterly without pity.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 15:27     Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
We discussed it at length before marriage. I am always willing to go back to work and have taken side jobs so all the pressure is not on him, though of course he's the main bread winner. But sahm was that important to both of us. I even got my teaching degree since that is a field that looks more kindly on employment gaps due to kids. It can't work if both people aren't on board though. And I can't imagine being a sahm to just a 16 year old.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 15:20     Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.


I bet he regrets marrying a leech.


Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?


Yes. A child legally cannot work.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 15:20     Subject: Re:Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:Some husbands simply want to provide their wife with a nice life and have a less stressful home and schedule. Why is this so hard to understand? Work is hard and I will already be doing most of the lifting in terms of pregnancy and caring for a young child. My husband wants me to be happy and to do whatever is best for me and for our family, which may be staying home. It's not necessarily a bad thing to have a husband whose love and admiration for you isn't dependent on how much money you bring to the relationship or what you do or don't do from 9-5.

When I was dating I hated how men seemed to be so polarized about this. I have no idea if I will want to stay home with kids (probably not) but I tried to avoid men who hated sahms or who were insistent that their future wife work. I'm glad I found a man who simply wants us both to be happy.


So next year when he wants to stay home, you will do so to make sure he is happy? That is true partnership!
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 15:19     Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.


I bet he regrets marrying a leech.


Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 15:18     Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.


So we're you upfront at start of relationship of what you expected and he scoffed on the plans?
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 15:17     Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:The point that so many people are missing is that even a small, part time gig can help finances significantly. A Wal-mart or retail job isn't that horrible from an income point of view - 25 hours a week at $12/ hour is still over $15K a year. A lot of retailers offer benefits, profit sharing, employee purchase programs, discounts, retirement savings matching, etc.


The problem is that this $15k is taxed at the highest of your husband's tax rate. On top of that you have childcare expenses which are more than the $15k. Teenagers often need supervision. Most women wouldn't want to pay to go to work.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 15:17     Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.


I bet he regrets marrying a leech.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 15:17     Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:The point that so many people are missing is that even a small, part time gig can help finances significantly. A Wal-mart or retail job isn't that horrible from an income point of view - 25 hours a week at $12/ hour is still over $15K a year. A lot of retailers offer benefits, profit sharing, employee purchase programs, discounts, retirement savings matching, etc.


After care and summer camp will be probably $7k/year for one kid, and with stores like Walmart you don't get a fixed or predictable schedule so you will need that care. And that's for ONE kid.

Maybe once kids go to college, sure?
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 15:16     Subject: Re:Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Some husbands simply want to provide their wife with a nice life and have a less stressful home and schedule. Why is this so hard to understand? Work is hard and I will already be doing most of the lifting in terms of pregnancy and caring for a young child. My husband wants me to be happy and to do whatever is best for me and for our family, which may be staying home. It's not necessarily a bad thing to have a husband whose love and admiration for you isn't dependent on how much money you bring to the relationship or what you do or don't do from 9-5.

When I was dating I hated how men seemed to be so polarized about this. I have no idea if I will want to stay home with kids (probably not) but I tried to avoid men who hated sahms or who were insistent that their future wife work. I'm glad I found a man who simply wants us both to be happy.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 15:10     Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
The point that so many people are missing is that even a small, part time gig can help finances significantly. A Wal-mart or retail job isn't that horrible from an income point of view - 25 hours a week at $12/ hour is still over $15K a year. A lot of retailers offer benefits, profit sharing, employee purchase programs, discounts, retirement savings matching, etc.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 15:05     Subject: Re:Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's hard to be 40 and starting at an entry level position.


You're right. Much harder than sitting home, not contributing your fair share.

It really shouldn't be THAT hard, if you were interested in helping your family, had a career before (you have a shorter curve on learning and understanding the politics in most offices). Not to mention, you have the motivation of having an entry leveL job that won't likely be sucking all your soul and time.


I think being insensitive to the reality that you are 40 doing the jub that most 25 year Olds are working is very hard on your self esteem. You are never going to get somebody on board to working with insensitivity.

Most people think they are "helping" their family by taking the burden off the husband.

I am not advocating for aSAHM to stay at home after kids go to school but thinking it is not a big deal from being a lwyer to a govt secretary, for the benefits, is insensitive$

Most entry level jobs are soul sucking and long hours, it those with connections, experience, etc that have more leave and cush jobs.

Men need to start taking on the household duties to show they are a team instead of acting like this is not a team effort. Get a job, it's not that hard... not a good approach.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 14:58     Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:Stop insinuating hat all women will only end up with the "low paying" jobs after staying at home. My DH leaves it up to me, SAHM or work. I have taken two three year leaves since I had children 15 years ago. I was able to take a few years off and then enter the market at a higher rate (which is quite high) both times. No one bats an eye during interviews when I tell them I chose to stay at home until the kids started school and then stayed at home due to personal family needs. If you are good at what you do and keep updated on your industry, it's perfectly acceptable to take time off. I wouldn't trade my time off for anything. Stop acting like SAHM's are going to work at Walmart because they decided not to work for awhile.


I bet you $100 you're not a corporate lawyer. What do you consider a "quite high" rate?
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2016 14:52     Subject: Re:Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's hard to be 40 and starting at an entry level position.


You're right. Much harder than sitting home, not contributing your fair share.

It really shouldn't be THAT hard, if you were interested in helping your family, had a career before (you have a shorter curve on learning and understanding the politics in most offices). Not to mention, you have the motivation of having an entry leveL job that won't likely be sucking all your soul and time.


NP here, but what you're not entering into the equation is that a lot of employers want to hire much younger people for entry level jobs. They cost less and are often more technically savvy. It suck but it's true.


meant tech savvy.