OP I am so very sorry. I go through this from time to time with DHs meds. Can you call his doc? He needs the meds right now. we pay out of pocket sometimes (our healthcare system!! ) but maybe different b/c vet? You do not have time for this to drag out. If the scrip is filled through a non military source they will give you a few somethimes. Calling 911 wont help much as the laws say "in, then out," and he will then be even more resistant. If this persists ask for the meds yourself and give them to him. Xanax is not hard to get. He needs to calm down before you can talk sense to him. I am sorry you are going through this.

First off, calm way, way down. You are likely egging him on somewhat at this point and you need to change your own behavior right now for everyone's sake.

You are not a single mom by any means nor is there any indication that your are going to become one.

An overwhelming majority of men have a very rough transition to fatherhood. Your DH is not unique. There are thousands of DH with depression and anxiety who went through the same in the DC area and some going through it right now.

You are fully capable of taking care of a baby without your DH's input. You do not need your mom to help either.

You need to stop clinging to the happy family/involved dad fantasy you envisioned and instead go with your reality. You are not relieving your DH of parenting. Really and truly if he does not do routine infant care it doesn't make him less of your child's father.

You need to really think about if having your mom in your home is helpful/harmful. She can stay nearby and visit during the day if need be. Do not gang up on your DH. It will not help.

do whatever you can to facilitate your DH getting the script for Xanax on Monday even if it means doing it yourself. Your Dh is in crisis mode and can't not and will not make logic decisions for himself all the time right know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Xanax is defintely NOT what DH needs. Hes got a major depressive disorder with suicidal ideation, possibly bipolar who knows.

Op, is he on any medication? If not, he REALLY needs meds ASAP!!!

I had anxiety plus bad panic attacks. A great psychologist who does CBT cured me. I very rarely feel anxious anymore. Point is, meds are clearly needed, but really good therapy with a CBT PhD coukd really change your DHs whole outlook. The best dont usually accept insurance unfortunately, but a lot can happen in 6 sessions worth every penny.

But thats him. Lets talk about you.

Im so sorry hes such a lousy husband and father due to his mental illness. If he cannot get well in the next 12 months, i would leave him. One less person you need to caretake for and have drag down your life.

Where is the evidence for bipolar?

Also- try apostrophes. They work.

The apostrophe barb seems unnecessary but the speculation that he's bipolar based on the facts presented was pretty reckless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Xanax is defintely NOT what DH needs. Hes got a major depressive disorder with suicidal ideation, possibly bipolar who knows.

Op, is he on any medication? If not, he REALLY needs meds ASAP!!!

I had anxiety plus bad panic attacks. A great psychologist who does CBT cured me. I very rarely feel anxious anymore. Point is, meds are clearly needed, but really good therapy with a CBT PhD coukd really change your DHs whole outlook. The best dont usually accept insurance unfortunately, but a lot can happen in 6 sessions worth every penny.

But thats him. Lets talk about you.

Im so sorry hes such a lousy husband and father due to his mental illness. If he cannot get well in the next 12 months, i would leave him. One less person you need to caretake for and have drag down your life.

Where is the evidence for bipolar?

Also- try apostrophes. They work.

Unfortunately healthcare for vets is in crisis these days. I'm not surprised to hear about the insurance issues and the lack of action. You need to go all out on this--call his psychiatrist, his doctor. Xanax is probably not what is called for here. He sounds like he needs to be admitted for a short term. Remember, he may refuse to be admitted but he cannot think clearly right now. He is in a very vulnerable state, as are you. I'm glad your mom is there.

What i would do: bring him in today, and accompany him to discuss his mental health crisis. Tell him that you want to be there for a discussion and evaluation, to accelrate the process of medicaiton and make sure that he is getting apporpriate treatment. Tell him you want to help him and are going to advocate for him. That you need to do this and if he accompanies you willingly to be evaluated, you will not have him committed involuntarily. Then when you get there, you make sure that both he and you describe what is going on and let the physician make the evaluation. He

I'm really surprised that after walking into a facility and saying he was going to kill himself he was not admitted. Is this typical?

OP most counties around here have mobile crisis units that will respond to your door if someone is having a mental health crisis.

Here is the info for Fairfax County but Google for your own if you are somewhere else. Or I will for you. Call them next time something happens.

http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/csb/publications/mobile-crisis-unit.pdf


His mental health is more important than a security clearance. Once he's happy and stable, he can conquer the world professionally, security clearance or not. I know it's tough for him not to get hung up on that, but life is so much easier when you are mentally healthy. He can and will be fine. Big hugs.

Call his dr. They are required to take action.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Xanax is defintely NOT what DH needs. Hes got a major depressive disorder with suicidal ideation, possibly bipolar who knows.

Op, is he on any medication? If not, he REALLY needs meds ASAP!!!

I had anxiety plus bad panic attacks. A great psychologist who does CBT cured me. I very rarely feel anxious anymore. Point is, meds are clearly needed, but really good therapy with a CBT PhD coukd really change your DHs whole outlook. The best dont usually accept insurance unfortunately, but a lot can happen in 6 sessions worth every penny.

But thats him. Lets talk about you.

Im so sorry hes such a lousy husband and father due to his mental illness. If he cannot get well in the next 12 months, i would leave him. One less person you need to caretake for and have drag down your life.

Where is the evidence for bipolar?

Also- try apostrophes. They work.

I meant who knows what his diagnosis could be if hes not just experiencing depressed mood with suicidal ideation.

The OP says he has periods of anger. Where are you getting bipolar?

Yes anger sounds like something other than depression. I dated an angry, physically abusive guy who was diagnosed bipolar, but could be PTSD, could be personality disorder, in addition to depression of course, but like i said, who knows i dont know DH and im not a psych. You sound angry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Xanax is defintely NOT what DH needs. Hes got a major depressive disorder with suicidal ideation, possibly bipolar who knows.

Op, is he on any medication? If not, he REALLY needs meds ASAP!!!

I had anxiety plus bad panic attacks. A great psychologist who does CBT cured me. I very rarely feel anxious anymore. Point is, meds are clearly needed, but really good therapy with a CBT PhD coukd really change your DHs whole outlook. The best dont usually accept insurance unfortunately, but a lot can happen in 6 sessions worth every penny.

But thats him. Lets talk about you.

Im so sorry hes such a lousy husband and father due to his mental illness. If he cannot get well in the next 12 months, i would leave him. One less person you need to caretake for and have drag down your life.

Where is the evidence for bipolar?

Also- try apostrophes. They work.

I meant who knows what his diagnosis could be if hes not just experiencing depressed mood with suicidal ideation.

The OP says he has periods of anger. Where are you getting bipolar?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Xanax is defintely NOT what DH needs. Hes got a major depressive disorder with suicidal ideation, possibly bipolar who knows.

Op, is he on any medication? If not, he REALLY needs meds ASAP!!!

I had anxiety plus bad panic attacks. A great psychologist who does CBT cured me. I very rarely feel anxious anymore. Point is, meds are clearly needed, but really good therapy with a CBT PhD coukd really change your DHs whole outlook. The best dont usually accept insurance unfortunately, but a lot can happen in 6 sessions worth every penny.

But thats him. Lets talk about you.

Im so sorry hes such a lousy husband and father due to his mental illness. If he cannot get well in the next 12 months, i would leave him. One less person you need to caretake for and have drag down your life.

Where is the evidence for bipolar?

Also- try apostrophes. They work.

I meant who knows what his diagnosis could be if hes not just experiencing depressed mood with suicidal ideation.

Anonymous wrote:Xanax is defintely NOT what DH needs. Hes got a major depressive disorder with suicidal ideation, possibly bipolar who knows.

Op, is he on any medication? If not, he REALLY needs meds ASAP!!!

I had anxiety plus bad panic attacks. A great psychologist who does CBT cured me. I very rarely feel anxious anymore. Point is, meds are clearly needed, but really good therapy with a CBT PhD coukd really change your DHs whole outlook. The best dont usually accept insurance unfortunately, but a lot can happen in 6 sessions worth every penny.

But thats him. Lets talk about you.

Im so sorry hes such a lousy husband and father due to his mental illness. If he cannot get well in the next 12 months, i would leave him. One less person you need to caretake for and have drag down your life.

Where is the evidence for bipolar?

Also- try apostrophes. They work.

Oh i missed that he is a VET. wives sometimes are real proactive in their husbands treatment at the VA medical centers. Maybe tell him that you want to go to an individual therapy session there with him to lend support, although really youd also be going to help coordinate his care. Theres so many resources with VA. Theres hope!!!!

Xanax is defintely NOT what DH needs. Hes got a major depressive disorder with suicidal ideation, possibly bipolar who knows.

Op, is he on any medication? If not, he REALLY needs meds ASAP!!!

I had anxiety plus bad panic attacks. A great psychologist who does CBT cured me. I very rarely feel anxious anymore. Point is, meds are clearly needed, but really good therapy with a CBT PhD coukd really change your DHs whole outlook. The best dont usually accept insurance unfortunately, but a lot can happen in 6 sessions worth every penny.

But thats him. Lets talk about you.

Im so sorry hes such a lousy husband and father due to his mental illness. If he cannot get well in the next 12 months, i would leave him. One less person you need to caretake for and have drag down your life.

I think calling 911 in this case makes sense (unless perhaps if your husband is a minority or is having a psychotic break). If its severe depression, the risk of him hurting himself is higher than the risk of an untrained police officer making an error.

I'm really sorry for what you're going through, and I'm glad to see only one poster has claimed you should leave and that your husband is unfixable. I went through pretty much the same thing as your husband once, and am eternally greatful that my significant other at the time didn't leave me until after I was better. That was more than a decade ago, I have never had a bout of depression since, and I'm happily married with two kids. It CAN get better.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

In hindsight, I guess I should have called 911 today.

My mom arrived this week to help with the baby so at least we're not totally alone. She witnessed the episode today and encouraged him to go with me to the hospital but obviously that had no effect.


A few weeks ago my husband walked into the mental health facility at Fort Belevoir (he's a vet) and told them he was going to kill himself. I'm not sure why they didn't admit him then, but that's when he started weakly therapy sessions. Seems to me like they should have started meds then too. Again, I worry I'm not getting the full story. He also started attending group counseling sessions last week. I worry that it's not enough though and that he needs emergency help.

Agree he needs more help. You need to contact his mental health facility and try speaking with his therapist or case manager. And yes, you're almost certainly not getting the whole story from him. Is it possible he has PTSD?