Anonymous
05/22/2016 07:24
Subject: Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
Anonymous wrote:I think this moms problem is anxiety, not autism. However, I don't understand what would be offensive about not wanting your child to have autism. I'm sure you didn't want that either. And I'm sure there are a whole host of other things you don't want for your child that other people are living with. I don't understand the offense? Sincerely asking.
I wanted my child. Autism or not.
And I sure as heck would never suppose that someone's parenting reality is my nightmare.
Anonymous
05/22/2016 06:22
Subject: Re:Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
OP, first off, I think the best thing you can do is stop reading those BabyCenter emails or whatever tell you about what babies are doing week by week.
Your pediatrician should be checking in with you about developmental milestones at each visit. Express any concerns you have to him/her.
Please try to enjoy your baby. Whether or not he has issues, you are not going to look back at this time and be grateful that you spent it fretting over this. Posting to this board a long, point-by-point description isn't being proactive, it's being overly anxious. Talking to your baby's pediatrician at the next visit, which is going to be very soon because newborn visits are frequent, will be more helpful. Watching your baby carefully, enjoying your baby, interacting with your baby and being respectful of him-- these will be more helpful.
And on the remote chance that your child does have special needs-- and it is unlikely, really, but not the end of the world-- come back here and find some extremely helpful, sympathetic people! Don't be turned off by responses to this post, which, if you reread it in a few years, you may regret.
Your pediatrician should be checking in with you about developmental milestones at each visit. Express any concerns you have to him/her.
Please try to enjoy your baby. Whether or not he has issues, you are not going to look back at this time and be grateful that you spent it fretting over this. Posting to this board a long, point-by-point description isn't being proactive, it's being overly anxious. Talking to your baby's pediatrician at the next visit, which is going to be very soon because newborn visits are frequent, will be more helpful. Watching your baby carefully, enjoying your baby, interacting with your baby and being respectful of him-- these will be more helpful.
And on the remote chance that your child does have special needs-- and it is unlikely, really, but not the end of the world-- come back here and find some extremely helpful, sympathetic people! Don't be turned off by responses to this post, which, if you reread it in a few years, you may regret.
Anonymous
05/22/2016 05:22
Subject: Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OMG no one WANTS their child to have autism. You people are being absurdly over sensitive.
+1 Is an autism diagnosis ever good news?
Respectfully, I think you are missing the point. The point is not whether an autism diagnosis is good news vs. bad news. The point is that we here on SN see so many posts like this on GP or here where the random or mundane events of an infant or toddler's life are held out to possibly be autism, usually due to a mother's anxiety framework. First of all, it's both terribly tedious and eyerollingly comic on a certain level to hear about an infant staring at his hands, or a fan, or not heeding his name once in a while, or having some random and far off event occur, and the mother's shot through the roof anxiety that this could be autism -- to the exclusion of any other special need or developmental problem. (Pardon me, red flag army, I know you are out there.)
And yes, it is insulting to constantly be held up as as someone's mental meme for "Worst Case Scenario" -- whether or not someone welcomes autism or wants to have a child with autism, persons with disabilities are living full, satisfing, and even fascinating lives.
Finally -- food for thought. Over on the Health and Medicine board, people who constantly worry minor physical symptoms that are meaningless are instantly labeled hypochondriacs. If they do this to their children, they are told (rather cruelly) that they have Munchausen's Syndrome. I'm certainly not going to say that about an anxious young mother like OP, but it seems to me, PP, that women who project autism onto babies are no different than any other hypochondriacs, whether or not anyone WANTS their child to have autism (capital letters yours).
Anonymous
05/22/2016 01:31
Subject: Re:Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
Anonymous wrote:Apology accepted. Please seek treatment for your anxiety. If you have concerns about your DS's development, the NIH studies are excellent.
+1. I wish you peace, OP.
Anonymous
05/21/2016 22:56
Subject: Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
One of my children was born 9 weeks prematurely. As an infant (maybe about 4 or 5 months), he would do that thing you describe where he would look away when we held him facing us and looked into his eyes. The neurologist described it as neurological immaturity. He grew out of it. He is now 8. He has moderate ADHD and fine motor issues (possibly related to prematurity).
Anonymous
05/21/2016 22:41
Subject: Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
Anonymous wrote:OP here, and wow. I am really, truly sorry for any hurt, anger, and offense I caused. Thank you for the responses and please forgive me if I was insensitive. To clarify, I understand that none of us wants to change our children. Those with children who have autism or any other disability do not wish their children to be different, and in that way I understand why my anxiety about a disorder that is part of your child's identity is offensive. My older child who was a sunny baby has learning disabilities that were diagnosed later, so have been down the road of wondering, worrying, and hoping for the best. I love him tremendously, but if I'm honest I wish he didn't have to deal with his learning disabilities.
Anyway, I guess the reason for my original, admittedly misguided, post was to gather information and observations of those who have been there. Sure, I understand that an ASD cannot be officially diagnosed until much later, but there is a lot of anecdotal evidence that parents of children on the spectrum can retrospectively look back on their child's infancy and see differences, clues, or things that didn't quite seem typical. One of the first PPs to respond noted just such observations. And of course the reason I would want to know if he is truly exhibiting worrisome signs is to be able to intervene as soon as possible. I have read about some growing evidence that very, very early intervention can make a big difference.
I agree with the many of you who say that my main problem is anxiety - I have struggled with it for most of my life. It is probably time to revisit treatment for that. Thank you and please accept my apologies.
You have nothing to apologize for.
Anonymous
05/21/2016 20:42
Subject: Re:Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
Apology accepted. Please seek treatment for your anxiety. If you have concerns about your DS's development, the NIH studies are excellent.
Anonymous
05/21/2016 20:16
Subject: Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
OP here, and wow. I am really, truly sorry for any hurt, anger, and offense I caused. Thank you for the responses and please forgive me if I was insensitive. To clarify, I understand that none of us wants to change our children. Those with children who have autism or any other disability do not wish their children to be different, and in that way I understand why my anxiety about a disorder that is part of your child's identity is offensive. My older child who was a sunny baby has learning disabilities that were diagnosed later, so have been down the road of wondering, worrying, and hoping for the best. I love him tremendously, but if I'm honest I wish he didn't have to deal with his learning disabilities.
Anyway, I guess the reason for my original, admittedly misguided, post was to gather information and observations of those who have been there. Sure, I understand that an ASD cannot be officially diagnosed until much later, but there is a lot of anecdotal evidence that parents of children on the spectrum can retrospectively look back on their child's infancy and see differences, clues, or things that didn't quite seem typical. One of the first PPs to respond noted just such observations. And of course the reason I would want to know if he is truly exhibiting worrisome signs is to be able to intervene as soon as possible. I have read about some growing evidence that very, very early intervention can make a big difference.
I agree with the many of you who say that my main problem is anxiety - I have struggled with it for most of my life. It is probably time to revisit treatment for that. Thank you and please accept my apologies.
Anyway, I guess the reason for my original, admittedly misguided, post was to gather information and observations of those who have been there. Sure, I understand that an ASD cannot be officially diagnosed until much later, but there is a lot of anecdotal evidence that parents of children on the spectrum can retrospectively look back on their child's infancy and see differences, clues, or things that didn't quite seem typical. One of the first PPs to respond noted just such observations. And of course the reason I would want to know if he is truly exhibiting worrisome signs is to be able to intervene as soon as possible. I have read about some growing evidence that very, very early intervention can make a big difference.
I agree with the many of you who say that my main problem is anxiety - I have struggled with it for most of my life. It is probably time to revisit treatment for that. Thank you and please accept my apologies.
Anonymous
05/21/2016 18:41
Subject: Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
Anonymous wrote:OMG no one WANTS their child to have autism. You people are being absurdly over sensitive.
+1 Is an autism diagnosis ever good news?
Anonymous
05/21/2016 18:26
Subject: Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
Instead of focusing on who is offended by what... I hope OP takes away that she really should consider speaking to a professional about her anxiety. The "symptoms" that OP presents are way too vague to be anything that any of us that have traveled this road could recognize.
It sounds like your baby is hitting all developmental milestones, right? NOT hitting the milestones within a certain range is usually what the professionals get worried about...
I have a child on the spectrum. I feel like there was nothing noticeably different about him at 6 months old... nothing that would have kept me up at night or made me feel crazy. I think that since you are feeling crazy, you need to talk to your health professional about your feelings.
It sounds like your baby is hitting all developmental milestones, right? NOT hitting the milestones within a certain range is usually what the professionals get worried about...
I have a child on the spectrum. I feel like there was nothing noticeably different about him at 6 months old... nothing that would have kept me up at night or made me feel crazy. I think that since you are feeling crazy, you need to talk to your health professional about your feelings.
Anonymous
05/21/2016 18:16
Subject: Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
Anonymous wrote:If you think she has a mental illness, all the more reason not to get offended!Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To all the moms with autistic kids, why is it so offensive to you that OP is concerned about her child's development? She didn't say it was the worst thing in the world if her son has ASD. All the 'experts' tell us that we should 'know the signs' and catch autism as early as we can so intervention can be more effective. Sure OP sounds a bit anxious but she admitted it and it's nothing against you or your children.
She sounds more than a bit anxious. Here are some of the things she said:
I just feel worried and I'm driving myself crazy reading and just don't know what is typical at this age......
I don't really know what I'm looking for here. I feel ridiculously anxious about this and I feel like I can't even enjoy my baby. I don't even know why I started obsessing about this all of a sudden, but now it's all I can think about....
OP said she knew ASD wasn't the end of the world but her reaction says otherwise. If she doesn't even know what is typical at this age, despite having an older child, ASD isn't the issue, she is. She doesn't have an SN issue, she has a mental illness that should be addressed with a professional.
You're right. Thanks for pointing that out. I retract my 'offense'.
Anonymous
05/21/2016 18:02
Subject: Re:Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
OMG no one WANTS their child to have autism. You people are being absurdly over sensitive.
Granted, my son does not have Kanner autism, but rather HFA. At this point, I would not change this about him. So I guess I do want him to have autism.
Anonymous
05/21/2016 17:30
Subject: Re:Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
Anonymous wrote:OMG no one WANTS their child to have autism. You people are being absurdly over sensitive.
Would you feel the same way if OP was obsessing about a 6 month old baby possibly having Down Syndrome based on the shape of its eyes and behavior? What about schizophrenia? It is just absurd.
Uh ... yes?
Anonymous
05/21/2016 17:28
Subject: Re:Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
Anonymous wrote:OP clearly said she wanted to know about ASD because she didn't want to start too late with whatever interventions that may help her child. You moms need to stop being so cruel. Have you forgotten what is was like to realize your child wasn't like other children, and you were entering into unknown territory?
There are no medically accepted interventions for autism for a 6 month old baby, because autism cannot be diagnosed at that age. If she had a 2 or 3 year old was concerned about autism, people's responses would be entirely different.
Stop it with the misinformation! Yes there are interventions that work at that age.
Anonymous
05/21/2016 17:27
Subject: Re:Worried about ASD in my baby. Sorry to be "that mom."
OMG no one WANTS their child to have autism. You people are being absurdly over sensitive.
Would you feel the same way if OP was obsessing about a 6 month old baby possibly having Down Syndrome based on the shape of its eyes and behavior? What about schizophrenia? It is just absurd.