Anonymous
05/15/2016 23:55
Subject: Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
Anonymous wrote:
This is interesting for me as the parent of two very different children. The older one has had health issues from birth and is twice exceptional (gifted and learning disabled); and the second is healthy and above average in everything.
I find myself spending so much more time with DC1, and I hope I have explained enough and shown my love to both enough, that DC2 will understand why I need to do this, and not see it as a slight. The gestures and thoughts of daily life are so difficult for DC1, while DC2 can take care of himself so competently. I am also afraid DC1 will resent me for being so trusting of DC2, who is organized and handy, whereas I constantly check on motor-challenged and forgetful DC1 for spills, lost items, time spent on various tasks, etc...
I tell them I love them every day. I hug them tight. I encourage them to bond and play. I hope I'm doing enough. But I can't parent them the same way.
Nope. A kid can't not understand it in the adult level you expect.
Your child became an expert I taking are of himself because he had to.
Dc2 believes DC1 is the favorite and sadly his organized and handy behavior probably stems from his own idea that if he is just perfect, you will love him.
Anonymous
05/15/2016 23:49
Subject: Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, DH was and is still the favorite. He's very successful, and his brother is a complete loser. No job or car kind of loser. Maybe $100 to his name.
He's probably a "loser" () because his parents turned him into a total headcase by comparing him constantly with his brother. He never got the opportunity to shine and develop his own personality. I'm sure he has zero self-esteem.
Pretty sure everyone understood that to be the case without your eye rolling and explanation.
I am sure the PP appreciates your clarification of her post though.
Actually the original poster seems to lack even a shred of compassion for the "complete loser" brother, so the explanation was very likely needed.
That was in no way stated or even implied. You might want to not project or make assumptions when dealing in emotionless text
Nice try, but the language you choose to describe a person absolutely has implied meaning. You could have said your DH has a brother who struggles greatly, or something neutral like that. You chose the phrase "total loser."
I am the person you are answering but I am not the person who used the word loser. Nice jump to conclusions though.
Why are you derailing this thread - especially when its a pretty serious issue.
Anonymous
05/15/2016 22:28
Subject: Re:Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My brother was the only boy
My sister after me was "sickly"
My last sister was the baby
I was treated like a step child and blamed for everything my other siblings did
I ran away when I was 17 and never looked back
I'm really sorry.
My mother was abandoned on the door step of her grandmother by her mom when she was two. Her favorite saying when speaking about it is "It doesn't matter who brings you into this world, it is who loves you while you are here."
I hope you have many people who love you.
Love this, PP. I had a series of loving maternal figures in my life, which was my salvation. But I had deep-seated issues, and still easily default to feeling unlovable by the world at large. It was instilled at an early age.
Anonymous
05/15/2016 22:27
Subject: Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
My brother feels that it was me. I don't think my parents did anything intentionally, and they've always tried very hard to keep resource expenditure exactly equal between the two of us even as adults (e.g. if one child gets a large financial gift for something, other child will soon get the same amount for something else) but I can definitely see why he would have felt that way. He's gotten over his resentment of me for it, or so he claims, but still harbors anger at my mother in particular. I have hopes that one day he'll open up to her about it, because he keeps her at arms' length and I don't think she fully understands why, but for now it just kind of. . .is.
Anonymous
05/15/2016 22:25
Subject: Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, DH was and is still the favorite. He's very successful, and his brother is a complete loser. No job or car kind of loser. Maybe $100 to his name.
You sound like a real peach.
Anonymous
05/15/2016 22:24
Subject: Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
This is interesting for me as the parent of two very different children. The older one has had health issues from birth and is twice exceptional (gifted and learning disabled); and the second is healthy and above average in everything.
I find myself spending so much more time with DC1, and I hope I have explained enough and shown my love to both enough, that DC2 will understand why I need to do this, and not see it as a slight. The gestures and thoughts of daily life are so difficult for DC1, while DC2 can take care of himself so competently. I am also afraid DC1 will resent me for being so trusting of DC2, who is organized and handy, whereas I constantly check on motor-challenged and forgetful DC1 for spills, lost items, time spent on various tasks, etc...
I tell them I love them every day. I hug them tight. I encourage them to bond and play. I hope I'm doing enough. But I can't parent them the same way.
Anonymous
05/15/2016 22:21
Subject: Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
Anonymous wrote:I was and realized it at 9 and it actually put me against my parents and made me determined not to favor one over the other (can truly say I don't). One brother still resents me for it, though it wasn't my fault. My Mother now favors my younger sister and I am glad to have lost the status.
Pp here: not favor one child over the other. I do not and work to make sure that impression does not come off.
Anonymous
05/15/2016 22:13
Subject: Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
I was and realized it at 9 and it actually put me against my parents and made me determined not to favor one over the other (can truly say I don't). One brother still resents me for it, though it wasn't my fault. My Mother now favors my younger sister and I am glad to have lost the status.
Anonymous
05/15/2016 22:07
Subject: Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, DH was and is still the favorite. He's very successful, and his brother is a complete loser. No job or car kind of loser. Maybe $100 to his name.
He's probably a "loser" (
Pretty sure everyone understood that to be the case without your eye rolling and explanation.
I am sure the PP appreciates your clarification of her post though.
Actually the original poster seems to lack even a shred of compassion for the "complete loser" brother, so the explanation was very likely needed.
That was in no way stated or even implied. You might want to not project or make assumptions when dealing in emotionless text
Nice try, but the language you choose to describe a person absolutely has implied meaning. You could have said your DH has a brother who struggles greatly, or something neutral like that. You chose the phrase "total loser."
Anonymous
05/15/2016 21:55
Subject: Re:Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
OP, I think the little guy will be very lucky to have an Auntie like you in his life.
Anonymous
05/15/2016 20:43
Subject: Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
I was the less favored child. My brother was handsome, athletic and likeable. I was fat, untalented and socially awkward. I have an uncle who we only saw every year or two but he really like and doted on me and that meant the world to me, just knowing that someone thought I was good enough.
Anonymous
05/15/2016 20:30
Subject: Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, DH was and is still the favorite. He's very successful, and his brother is a complete loser. No job or car kind of loser. Maybe $100 to his name.
He's probably a "loser" (
Pretty sure everyone understood that to be the case without your eye rolling and explanation.
I am sure the PP appreciates your clarification of her post though.
Actually the original poster seems to lack even a shred of compassion for the "complete loser" brother, so the explanation was very likely needed.
The OP asked how the less favored child might grow up when parents do this. The PP gave an example that yes indeed this can effect a less favored child. There was nothing more needed. The PP didn't need you to chime in on a situation you have no further background on nor did PP need to be chastised by you.
Everyone ITT realizes that parents like this cause an issue. No clarification needed. Don't take it out on the PP.
Anonymous
05/15/2016 20:24
Subject: Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, DH was and is still the favorite. He's very successful, and his brother is a complete loser. No job or car kind of loser. Maybe $100 to his name.
He's probably a "loser" (
Pretty sure everyone understood that to be the case without your eye rolling and explanation.
I am sure the PP appreciates your clarification of her post though.
Actually the original poster seems to lack even a shred of compassion for the "complete loser" brother, so the explanation was very likely needed.
That was in no way stated or even implied. You might want to not project or make assumptions when dealing in emotionless text
Anonymous
05/15/2016 20:20
Subject: Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
A kind aunt would have helped. Mine were just as crazy as parent so was even more disheartening and didn't help with the gaslighting.
Anonymous
05/15/2016 20:19
Subject: Re:Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was always painfully aware that my younger sister was the favorite. Yes, it sucked. What kind of advice are you looking for here?
Anything I can do? I mean does it really help to get a bunch of attention from an "aunt" when you are 1.5 and your mother is ignoring you in favor of her golden child?
Yes, it can help.
I'm 35 and it still hurts that my parents favored (and still favor) my younger brother.