Parents of boys should teach their sons to stay connected, directly, with friends and family. My mom tries to send info about holidays to my brother through me, as he lives near me. I tell her to call him directly. He seems to get a "pass" on birthdays and Mother's Day, etc. if you encourage boys to manage their own relationships, they'll do so as men.

No. Ridiculous thinking

Mothers are generally nicer and more tolerant of other mothers. I confirmed this again yesterday, when I asked two women for the same favor. The situation required empathy and potential sacrifice of minor comforts. Guess who said yes promptly.

Anonymous wrote:I think my relationship with my MIL got worse after our son was born. She had been abusive, verbally and physically, to my DH when he was a child. We had set some boundaries, but I tried to be compassionate about her struggles. Before we had children I actively encouraged my DH to maintain some contact.

But my son is very similar to my DH, and the stories he told me about how his mother treated him when he would bring her drawings from school etc, I can imagine really vividly now that I have seen my son do the same. And it literally makes me ill that any person could say/ do such cruel things to a child who so desperately wants to be loved.

When we went to see her when our son was about 3yo she said to us that now we can understand how hard being a parent is so we can see she isn't so bad. I was so proud of my DH for saying, actually now we see how terrible you were because neither of us can imagine behaving like you did.

For us this was the final straw and we have ended that relationship.

So like many other posters have said- the course of this relationship was set long before we had children. But being a parent myself cast her behavior into a much more clear light.

+1

I think my relationship with my MIL got worse after our son was born. She had been abusive, verbally and physically, to my DH when he was a child. We had set some boundaries, but I tried to be compassionate about her struggles. Before we had children I actively encouraged my DH to maintain some contact.

But my son is very similar to my DH, and the stories he told me about how his mother treated him when he would bring her drawings from school etc, I can imagine really vividly now that I have seen my son do the same. And it literally makes me ill that any person could say/ do such cruel things to a child who so desperately wants to be loved.

When we went to see her when our son was about 3yo she said to us that now we can understand how hard being a parent is so we can see she isn't so bad. I was so proud of my DH for saying, actually now we see how terrible you were because neither of us can imagine behaving like you did.

For us this was the final straw and we have ended that relationship.

So like many other posters have said- the course of this relationship was set long before we had children. But being a parent myself cast her behavior into a much more clear light.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is true in my family. My SIL puts up with so much BS from our MIL. She used to complain about her a lot and talk back to her but since having 3 boys she is just silent and lets MIL do whatever she wants. It never occurred to me before but I bet this is the reason. There is no other explanation. MIL has a personality disorder and will never change.

Women with children most often stop being petulant children themselves and learn to let things go. I don't think kids' sexes matter one bit. Motherhood made your SIL grow up, that's why she chooses her battles. You'll get there too someday

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After having my DS, I have a new perspective of my MIL. I have a better understanding of how difficult it must be to love your child so much and spend all those years raising him (and DH was truly the focus of her life) only to be on the periphery of his adult life. She doesn't have any daughters, and DH and I tend to spend more time with my family, so I think that contributes to her feeling left out. When I think about my own DS, I certainly want him to be an independent adult but it would also be nice if he stayed close with our family, even if he starts one of his own.

So spend more time with her...

Well, she lives across the country so it's not quite that easy. And she and DH don't always get along, which of course affects this. Part of the reason she isn't more involved in her son's life is her own doing, but she doesn't grasp that. That said, I would imagine it must be hard for her on some level, even if there's little I can do about it.

OP, it's hard for any parents whose children moved away. I don't think it matters whether they're boys or girls.

Yes, this is true in my family. My SIL puts up with so much BS from our MIL. She used to complain about her a lot and talk back to her but since having 3 boys she is just silent and lets MIL do whatever she wants. It never occurred to me before but I bet this is the reason. There is no other explanation. MIL has a personality disorder and will never change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Er no. I think most DIL/MIL relationships start before there are kids in the picture, so the tone is there before you even know if you will have boys or girls.

+1

Mine weaseled her way into our first date! (should have been a huge red flag!!!)

Um, yes. And if you ignored it and she's a problem, that's on YOU.

Anonymous wrote:Er no. I think most DIL/MIL relationships start before there are kids in the picture, so the tone is there before you even know if you will have boys or girls.

+1

Mine weaseled her way into our first date! (should have been a huge red flag!!!)

If MIL/DIL are nice and respectful, they'll be nice and respectful whether the kids are boys or girls. Bottom line.

I think boys-only moms are far more likely to pop up in threads to defend MILs, even if they don't get along with their own MIL. I think actual MIL-DIL relationships vary based on personality, culture, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Across the board, among my friends the husbands have great relationships with their MIL and the husbands' moms are pains in the asses.

This may say more about your friends than their mil's.

Different poster here. I disagree.

Anonymous wrote:Do you think mom's of boys only are nicer to MIL's because they know someday they will be the odd one out?

Nothing to do with it. Personality, location, culture, attitude towards adult children, etc all more important.