Anonymous wrote:How did the number exchange come about? Did you ask him, or did he ask you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on what kind of relationship you want.

If he is a confidant go getter, he WILL text you if he is interested.

If you're ok with a shy, more passive guy, then go ahead and text.

I wouldn't be.

The problem with this is that it assumes that he is passive and shy because he isn't asking you out. It's likely that you are one of many women on his radar. Men don't usually just have one woman that they pine after and "chase" until she relents, like some Nora Ephron screenplay. Men are more like door to door salesman. And today, you are competing with things like Tinder, where a guy can just "swipe" dozens of women at a time.

I am the PP. I get your point, which is why i wrote that if he is interested.

It's best not to waste time as a woman with men who are only luke warm interested. My DH pursued me very hotly, and to this day he is a very attentive, loving husband. I honestly think this is because I am very much his ideal type, hence his focused pursuit early on.

I've seen too many women date men who are "meh" about them - it's just a recipe for disaster, imho.

+1. You want him to be really into you from the get go, enough to pursue you. Otherwise he might just be lukewarm and take what he gets, which is a recipe for disaster in the long term.

The idea that an uninterested man is going to marry a woman who he is "lukewarm" about, only because she approached him first, is silly. If he isn't interested, he's probably not going to stay with you that long anyway.

Unfortunately, I disagree with this. I think people of both sexes can end up staying in relationships where the other person essentially does all of the emotional heavy lifting and makes it really easy because it's easy and they are insecure or who knows what else. It's sadly common. And I think when you hear stories about women getting left and cheated on early in the marriage for no conceivable reason, it's essentially because the guy was never truly committed enough, and just went through with the marriage because of inertia.

Life is long, and marriage can be hard, best to start off in the best possible circumstances.

I agree a woman in her 30's needs to be proactive, but that doesn't have to mean doing the initiating early in the relationship. To mean, it means being on dating sites, going to places where men go (like outdoor sports meet-ups etc.), being in shape, having your life reasonably together, and having a pleasant personality. If you do all of those things, sooner or later a man will put in a little effort for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on what kind of relationship you want.

If he is a confidant go getter, he WILL text you if he is interested.

If you're ok with a shy, more passive guy, then go ahead and text.

I wouldn't be.

The problem with this is that it assumes that he is passive and shy because he isn't asking you out. It's likely that you are one of many women on his radar. Men don't usually just have one woman that they pine after and "chase" until she relents, like some Nora Ephron screenplay. Men are more like door to door salesman. And today, you are competing with things like Tinder, where a guy can just "swipe" dozens of women at a time.

I am the PP. I get your point, which is why i wrote that if he is interested.

It's best not to waste time as a woman with men who are only luke warm interested. My DH pursued me very hotly, and to this day he is a very attentive, loving husband. I honestly think this is because I am very much his ideal type, hence his focused pursuit early on.

I've seen too many women date men who are "meh" about them - it's just a recipe for disaster, imho.

+1. You want him to be really into you from the get go, enough to pursue you. Otherwise he might just be lukewarm and take what he gets, which is a recipe for disaster in the long term.

The idea that an uninterested man is going to marry a woman who he is "lukewarm" about, only because she approached him first, is silly. If he isn't interested, he's probably not going to stay with you that long anyway.

Unfortunately, I disagree with this. I think people of both sexes can end up staying in relationships where the other person essentially does all of the emotional heavy lifting and makes it really easy because it's easy and they are insecure or who knows what else. It's sadly common. And I think when you hear stories about women getting left and cheated on early in the marriage for no conceivable reason, it's essentially because the guy was never truly committed enough, and just went through with the marriage because of inertia.

Life is long, and marriage can be hard, best to start off in the best possible circumstances.

I agree a woman in her 30's needs to be proactive, but that doesn't have to mean doing the initiating early in the relationship. To mean, it means being on dating sites, going to places where men go (like outdoor sports meet-ups etc.), being in shape, having your life reasonably together, and having a pleasant personality. If you do all of those things, sooner or later a man will put in a little effort for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on what kind of relationship you want.

If he is a confidant go getter, he WILL text you if he is interested.

If you're ok with a shy, more passive guy, then go ahead and text.

I wouldn't be.

The problem with this is that it assumes that he is passive and shy because he isn't asking you out. It's likely that you are one of many women on his radar. Men don't usually just have one woman that they pine after and "chase" until she relents, like some Nora Ephron screenplay. Men are more like door to door salesman. And today, you are competing with things like Tinder, where a guy can just "swipe" dozens of women at a time.

I am the PP. I get your point, which is why i wrote that if he is interested.

It's best not to waste time as a woman with men who are only luke warm interested. My DH pursued me very hotly, and to this day he is a very attentive, loving husband. I honestly think this is because I am very much his ideal type, hence his focused pursuit early on.

I've seen too many women date men who are "meh" about them - it's just a recipe for disaster, imho.

+1. You want him to be really into you from the get go, enough to pursue you. Otherwise he might just be lukewarm and take what he gets, which is a recipe for disaster in the long term.

The idea that an uninterested man is going to marry a woman who he is "lukewarm" about, only because she approached him first, is silly. If he isn't interested, he's probably not going to stay with you that long anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he started "chasing" you over 20 years ago. Many things have changed in the last 20-25 years.

Haha, ok, I'm 32, so no.
If a guy is really interested in you, he'll text you, he'll try to see you, etc. Texting you is hardly a romance novel story, as you seemed to imply above. If he can't even be bothered to get into contact with you, he's either a) a wimp or b) doesn't want you that badly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on what kind of relationship you want.

If he is a confidant go getter, he WILL text you if he is interested.

If you're ok with a shy, more passive guy, then go ahead and text.

I wouldn't be.

The problem with this is that it assumes that he is passive and shy because he isn't asking you out. It's likely that you are one of many women on his radar. Men don't usually just have one woman that they pine after and "chase" until she relents, like some Nora Ephron screenplay. Men are more like door to door salesman. And today, you are competing with things like Tinder, where a guy can just "swipe" dozens of women at a time.

I am the PP. I get your point, which is why i wrote that if he is interested.

It's best not to waste time as a woman with men who are only luke warm interested. My DH pursued me very hotly, and to this day he is a very attentive, loving husband. I honestly think this is because I am very much his ideal type, hence his focused pursuit early on.

I've seen too many women date men who are "meh" about them - it's just a recipe for disaster, imho.

+1. You want him to be really into you from the get go, enough to pursue you. Otherwise he might just be lukewarm and take what he gets, which is a recipe for disaster in the long term.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on what kind of relationship you want.

If he is a confidant go getter, he WILL text you if he is interested.

If you're ok with a shy, more passive guy, then go ahead and text.

I wouldn't be.

The problem with this is that it assumes that he is passive and shy because he isn't asking you out. It's likely that you are one of many women on his radar. Men don't usually just have one woman that they pine after and "chase" until she relents, like some Nora Ephron screenplay. Men are more like door to door salesman. And today, you are competing with things like Tinder, where a guy can just "swipe" dozens of women at a time.

I am the PP. I get your point, which is why i wrote that if he is interested.

It's best not to waste time as a woman with men who are only luke warm interested. My DH pursued me very hotly, and to this day he is a very attentive, loving husband. I honestly think this is because I am very much his ideal type, hence his focused pursuit early on.

I've seen too many women date men who are "meh" about them - it's just a recipe for disaster, imho.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he started "chasing" you over 20 years ago. Many things have changed in the last 20-25 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on what kind of relationship you want.

If he is a confidant go getter, he WILL text you if he is interested.

If you're ok with a shy, more passive guy, then go ahead and text.

I wouldn't be.

The problem with this is that it assumes that he is passive and shy because he isn't asking you out. It's likely that you are one of many women on his radar. Men don't usually just have one woman that they pine after and "chase" until she relents, like some Nora Ephron screenplay. Men are more like door to door salesman. And today, you are competing with things like Tinder, where a guy can just "swipe" dozens of women at a time.