Anonymous wrote:Posting again to add: you might not have read my own post in which I clearly state that my husband is pushing back on allowing me the space to spend the day as I wish.

This is my issue with Mother's Day...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I survived my mother, too.
Stop complaining OP.
Celebrate Mother's Day however YOU want.
Who cares what other people do and post on FB?

This the ultimate lesson in life: you are an adult and are responsible for your own happiness.

Well pin a rose on your nose.

My mother figure died this year. You got up this morning and decided you needed to put me in my place for posting a reflection on a board.

Sounds like you still have some work to do overcoming the presumption that people can treat others like crap.

I'm not putting you in your place, you put yourself there. You come here and complain about mother's day. Fine. Then you complain about the advice given. Fine. You accuse me of stuff I didn't do. Fine
Just know that at some point you will need to address the issue, which is that you should take charge of your life.

NP here. You're a nasty person.

I hated It when I was young because my mother was deceased and wearing a white rose made me feel like I was responsible for her death.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also had a crappy mother but emotionally I grew up and stopped letting a made up holiday bring this much angst into my life. Part of that growing up was recognizing that my mother was neither all bad or all good--like all human beings and that she in large part, simply a product of her environment and untreated mental illness. Dwelling only on the negative holds you victim to the past and recognizing that although I am a much, much better mother than my mom, I also know that I am not perfect either and my kids will judge me just as I judge her.

--Some mothers are all bad.
--a person can be emotionally grownup and still want nothing to do with their mother
--your line about being judged as we judged our parents is a crock that we hear from abusive parents and the relatives who try to force the kids and adult children to accept the unacceptable. They were abusers. I'm not. As a healthy, emotionally grown up person, I get to distance myself from them because I'm not like them.

If you have to put down abuse survivors to make yourself feel like you're mature and together then you are not as emotionally grown up as you think.

You are only partially right. Some a users will try to convince you that they didn't abuse without a doubt. However, in reality at dome point even the best of parents fail their children on something and are indeed judged themselves. Part of moving beyond an abusive childhood is letting go of the anger--while still acknowledging that a wrong was committed. It doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with a true abuser, but not all parents who make mistakes are abusive and letting this consume you hurts you and the new family you create. Anger and bitterness us one part of the healing processs. It is not the healthy end of the process. It seems like a lot of dcum posters haven't worked through their abuse. I know it took me a long time and a lot of work on myself to move past it and no longer let it consume me. I wish everyone the best in their journey.

I had a crappy mother, too. The holiday doesn't bother me, but all the sappy "aren't moms wonderful" ads do make me resentful and sad. (Like the Olympics-focused one that's popular right now.) I avoid FB on Mother's Day for the same reason.

Anonymous wrote:Posting again to add: you might not have read my own post in which I clearly state that my husband is pushing back on allowing me the space to spend the day as I wish.

Tell your DH its your way or the highway. Honestly, why do wives put up with crap like this? If you can't stand up to him, it's time for couples therapy or divorce. Find a new man who actually listens to you.

OP,

Get off FB. You will be happier. Problem solved.

I feel like I have found a good Mother's Day 'feel' as a single mom to a 10-year old. My child hasn't really been in a position to 'do' anything for me, so I have just taken it upon myself to plan a nice day for us. Nothing big. Most years we go for a hike or a walk somewhere, which is something we both enjoy. Maybe go out for dinner to someplace easy. The point is I spend the day enjoying being a mom. I like it.
Oh, and I call my mother, too, and send her a card.

Anonymous wrote:OP, your mother was not a real mother. This holiday is neither for her nor about her.

Can you let your family do something low-key? Kids really like Mother's Day. Cards, they make you breakfast, you get take-out = done. Maybe you can also leverage it to get everyone to clean their rooms or spring clean the garage or whatever as a "gift" to you.

+1. My Mother's Day gift this year is having everyone stay home and declutter the house. I'm so excited!

OP, my cousin's demon-mom doesn't deserve the title of "Mother." My cousin also despises mother's day, she has nobody to celebrate and it reinforces what she didn't have.

I don't like it in theory, people should be appreciated all the time. The day is recognized here but we don't go overboard.

I'm not close with my mom... Not since I was probably 5. She's not a jerk just didn't foster that kind of relationship. I've never told her I loved her or my dad. Gushing over mom is just awkward and I'm jealous of everyone on fb who is doing it.

Ugg, it makes me want to bite my ear off. It makes me miss my mom. However I do enjoy getting gifts for my MIL.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a big Mother's Day person. But I agree with PP that it's important for the kids to do something for you. It's hyped to them at schools so it will feel "off" to them if they do nothing. Plus they are ridiculously proud of doing something like making a little card or hand painted frame and making coffee and toast for you. That's about all we do, and it's really for them. Some day I'm sure I'll be glad of all the hand painted chotchkes.

I also agree that Mother's Day is important for kids. I don't care for all the trappings, but do appreciate the sentiment because I love my DC.

Mother's Day is like Xmas, I just go with the flow. I don't believe in Xmas but others do and let them have their day.

It's right around my kid's birthday. We all care about my kid's birthday like a gazillion times more than anything made up by marketing gurus.