Do these awful OPs ever come back? I guess when they do and becomes defensive it turns into an epic thread.

Wow, yeah, jumping in with everyone else. You are really overthinking this. And I'm being generous saying it that way.

I think it would be strange if he sent out the announcements -- kind of like throwing your own shower. My mom sent out my announcements and she is a total stickler for protocol.

You could have condensed all of your "stage setting" into one sentence:

"I am a judgmental snob whom no one can stand."

Bragging AND belittling family all at once! :clap:

You are crazy and snotty, OP. Did you read what you wrote?! What on earth is wrong with you?!

Send the kid a card and put in check in it - and relax.

I think you should just send a card, and write on the inside:

"Some Congratulations, but less than if you had gone to a better school or graduated in less time. Also, we're less impressed with your accomplishment since you dad and brother tried to go to college, even though they flunked out. If you had addressed your announcement yourself, we would have sent you a nice big check. But you didn't, so no money for you. Love, Aunt Bitch & Uncle Whipped

PS-- what's up with your mom's family? It's so weird that they all seem to like each other."

Then, when your kids graduate from a top tier school in four years at age 22, and have better taste than to send out money grab announcements, come back and complain to DCUM about that your DH's loser low class family didn't even send your DC a college graduation gift (and after all that you've done for them!)

*smh* The right answer here is so very obviously that you send a nice note and a small (by DCUM standards) cash gift. But your post is so lengthy, complicated and judgemental that I feel like I'm missing something...

Anonymous wrote:So, you don't want to give a gift because

a) He took too long to graduate and some of the credits came from a community college
b) The colleges his family attended were not highly rated
c) Your rich and their not
d) His mother sent the announcements to show how proud she is
e) His mother's nieces and nephews went to "shitty regional colleges"

You're right. Don't give a gift and never return their calls. That's the only way they'll understand how you really feel about them.

*You're rich and they're not* Can I blame my shitty regional college for that?

So, you don't want to give a gift because

a) He took too long to graduate and some of the credits came from a community college
b) The colleges his family attended were not highly rated
c) Your rich and their not
d) His mother sent the announcements to show how proud she is
e) His mother's nieces and nephews went to "shitty regional colleges"

You're right. Don't give a gift and never return their calls. That's the only way they'll understand how you really feel about them.

This is DCUM. The husband (nephew's uncle) needs to handle the card and monetary amt).

Insufferable bitch.

Totally fine, even traditional, for parents to send the announcements. Not unlike wedding announcements.

They are not demands for gifts. Do what you please. But stop being an asshole.

astounding accomplishment

YOU are one over thinking this - - long, long post. The sender never suggested in the least that it was an "astounding accomplishment".
They are relaying news. They - the family. News you might not have known - or someone else might not have known. That's it, that's all.
Ignore if it bothers you. Go on with your life.

OMG. Put $250 in a card, write "Congratulations Joey on your remarkable accomplishments!" Add stamp, put in mail box. And then move on. What is wrong with people?

Anonymous wrote:Send him a card with a check for whatever you are comfortable with, then put this behind you and stop the judging!

My BIL took 7-8 years to graduate from college...he flunked out of the same school...twice. But he finally got his shit together, graduated with honors, and got a kick-ass job after graduation. Some people follow a different path but their accomplishments should be celebrated regardless. Who cares who addressed the envelopes? Good grief.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully the nephew is focusing on finals and graduating, not on grad announcements. I know when my DD graduated we, as parents, got the info about ordering grad announcements. I assume if we had ordered any I would have sent them out because they would have come to our house, not to DDs dorm. Can't believe you even care whose handwriting it is. Celebrate the event (if you can bring yourself to think about other people for a minute or two) and send a nice card and gift.

Meant to add - as an aunt and uncle you can't consider a grad announcement a gift grab. You should probably be giving a gift regardless of the form of announcement. My DDs aunts and uncles actually came to her graduation, and gave her gifts, and we didn't send announcements.

+1 We aren't very close to DH's family and I still sent $100 and a card to each of his nieces and nephews when they graduated from high school. I'd do the same for my brother and sister's kids and want to treat them all the same, even if there is distance in our relationship with the ILs.

I feel like such an asshole now - I've never done that. I don't think anyone sent me $$ or cards, either - but I wonder if they did and I just don't remember?

Anonymous wrote:I always thought the main reason for graduation announcements was to get the $$$. Send a check (average check I received at graduation was $200) in a card and be done with it.

Also, I'd not think much about it not being addressed by him. I know my mom did my brother's announcements because he has atrocious handwriting. It also seemed like a theme among my male friends in college that their moms took charge and ordered/organized everything for graduation.

For some people, they are a gift grab, but others are truly excited and proud and want to announce the accomplishment. I don't think sending an announcement to your aunt and uncle is a gift grab--they are among the people who should be excited for you.