Anonymous wrote:I have become roommates with my husband. I wish I could leave him without fucking up my kids lives. Or the hassle of it all. I am too tired to divorce. But it's a sham. We don't slept together anymore. We sleep in separate rooms. We show no affection to each other. We're raising our 3 kids together and are friends but it is not a healthy marriage - far from it. I honestly wish he would cheat on me so that it would give me a reason to leave. But I said my vows and marriage is not just about the good days. Obviously we need counseling but can someone else tell me that they are like this too? Because tonight I am so down I just want to pack my bags and disappear but I love my kids too much.

. I am in your situation and stuck it out for the kids until youngest was 14. DH is abusive and wouldn't go to counseling but I did. You need counseling to see clearly how to proceed with your life- stay or go.

I am glad you are getting therapy and exercising but seriously, get marriage counseling too.

God, I wish I had done it years ago. We started with one counselor, didn't like her, and have moved on to a second who is *really* helping us. We have gone from no sex (2 years with no sex at one point) and like roommates who only discussed logistics to having a real relationship again, with talking about feelings and having hot sex (not super often, only every couple weeks, but when we do it, it's a long session and very intimate).

Seriously, I am amazed at the change and now when I look back at how disconnected we were, I am amazed I let it happen. It's not like all is perfect now, but its a gazillion times better. Through this and my individual counseling I have gotten a lot of insights into myself that have helped my family more generally.

You can do this, OP. Things will get better. You're not alone in going through a rough patch like this in your marriage. Hugs to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids = fewer blow jobs/sexy time = less connection for man = less effort put into marriage by man = stagnation .... moral of the story is childfree, big 401k, and lotta $ for vacay

Man here, totally true for most men, we can't feel connected without sex. Which leaves the marriage when kids come. Wife and I were roomates for years. Now, youngest is 6, having sex again, like a second marriage.

Seriously, ramp up the sexual affection, see if your husband reinvests. What do you have to lose?

this worked for me. no sex for years - or minimal - like, really minimal, like 2x per year minimal. Now, kids are older, suddenly started 3-4 times per week and everything is good.

Anonymous wrote:Kids = fewer blow jobs/sexy time = less connection for man = less effort put into marriage by man = stagnation .... moral of the story is childfree, big 401k, and lotta $ for vacay

Man here, totally true for most men, we can't feel connected without sex. Which leaves the marriage when kids come. Wife and I were roomates for years. Now, youngest is 6, having sex again, like a second marriage.

Seriously, ramp up the sexual affection, see if your husband reinvests. What do you have to lose?