Anonymous
Post 05/02/2016 10:48     Subject: Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Marriage has not been great for a few years, but we work at it. Husband has an interest that he often goes out for that I have never accompanied on, until last night. He introduced me to several other people who are regulars that he hangs out with when he engages in this interest, men and women. And there was one woman, when he introduced me, I immediately went, "Oh my gosh, they're fucking." It was just a total gut reaction in the moment -- I'm not a jealous person and have never thought this before although he has many other women friends -- but it was something about a shadow of shame that came over his face when he introduced me and a look that she gave me. And then she avoided me the rest of the night.

I honestly am not going to do anything about it and am not even really that mad about it -- I wouldn't blame him that much because things have been rough between us and I could see myself being tempted to do the same thing. It obviously would be crazy to accuse him of anything. I did, on our drive home later, ask him more about several of the people I met, including her, and he confirmed she's part of the group he sees regularly on this circuit, which involves some travel. He answered nonchalantly. Just wondering out of curiosity if people believe in a kind of sixth sense about these kinds of things and that I'm onto something or if I'm probably making it up in my head.


I believe there is absolutely a sixth sense. I can't explain it but it's there. I was an unsuspecting spouse when my h was involved in a lengthly affair with a coworker. Then one night out of the blue I dreamed he was involved with her. I had not suspected a thing, but my subconscious mind apparently did and it turned out to be true.


This happened to me! We were friends with another couple, and I dreamed my H. was sleeping with her. Turns out they were hooking up. I'll never doubt my sixth sense. There's something to it.


I hope you're not still married to him.
Anonymous
Post 05/02/2016 10:47     Subject: Re:Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
I don't get this guessing thing OP. I would get to the bottom of it so you can make a decision to leave or stay. Aren't you worried about STD's? I had a bf years ago I suspected was seeing someone because of time gaps from work, and things he was saying. We took my gf's car and followed him from work. I was happy to have closure so I could move on. It's disturbing that so many women on here think cheating is normal and acceptable. Maybe they came from those kinds of homes, or they are in dire situations where they have to stay. It's sad imo that so many have low self worth, and the OW's are also beyond disgust. I grew up knowing married people were off limits, never would I have allowed that or taken part in trying to destroy a marriage or family.

PaigeKeller
Post 05/02/2016 09:49     Subject: Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
OP, one time I had gone to a holiday party for a hospital that I was interning at. I was fairly close (professionally) with many of the doctors there-I was only 24 and considered them to be mentors in my field. I had not met any of the wives but had heard stories of them and their children so I was glad to meet all of the wives. During this party one of the wives took me aside and told me to stay the hell away from her husband. She went on to tell me that she wouldn't let another woman ruin her family and she could tell right away what was going on here.

I was FLABBERGASTED!

So I usually believe in trusting your gut but with this kind of stuff, my experience says otherwise. Her husband and I had nothing going and absolutely never would. Maybe her husband was a serial cheater which only goes to show how little I knew of him.
Anonymous
Post 05/02/2016 09:14     Subject: Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you don't care he is cheating. And you are thinking about cheating. Why not just have an open marriage?


The funny thing is that HE would never go for that. He's SUPER judgey about cheaters. Has cut off friends before who cheat. It's also not that I want to cheat myself, but I miss intimacy and feeling really loved and appreciated by someone. I'm sure he does, too, and I could see if someone came along and piled on the flirting and made a connection, it would be tempting.

Really, it's not the cheating that bothers me as much as the bigger sin that we have lost our closeness and if there is cheating that has gone on it's just a result of that.

Also, my gut tells me that he's not actively cheating now but probably has hooked up with this woman in the past when things were even worse between us -- he may still be, I don't know and either way it doesn't make a huge difference. But things have getting better between us and we've both been vowing to recommit to each other, and in fact it's why we went out together last night and I came along to this interest of his.

Bottom line is that rather than put my energy into an open marriage and finding other guys to date, it'd be awesome if I could make a happier life with the guy who is the father of my children and lives under my roof every day. I really don't judge open marriage, I just don't know where I'd find the time.



Totally relatable
Anonymous
Post 05/02/2016 07:52     Subject: Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you don't care he is cheating. And you are thinking about cheating. Why not just have an open marriage?


The funny thing is that HE would never go for that. He's SUPER judgey about cheaters. Has cut off friends before who cheat. It's also not that I want to cheat myself, but I miss intimacy and feeling really loved and appreciated by someone. I'm sure he does, too, and I could see if someone came along and piled on the flirting and made a connection, it would be tempting.

Really, it's not the cheating that bothers me as much as the bigger sin that we have lost our closeness and if there is cheating that has gone on it's just a result of that.

Also, my gut tells me that he's not actively cheating now but probably has hooked up with this woman in the past when things were even worse between us -- he may still be, I don't know and either way it doesn't make a huge difference. But things have getting better between us and we've both been vowing to recommit to each other, and in fact it's why we went out together last night and I came along to this interest of his.

Bottom line is that rather than put my energy into an open marriage and finding other guys to date, it'd be awesome if I could make a happier life with the guy who is the father of my children and lives under my roof every day. I really don't judge open marriage, I just don't know where I'd find the time.



Has it not occurred to you that the cheating is the CAUSE and not the result of losing your "closeness"?

I think the OP has the order right- loss of closeness and hen cheating, not the other way around.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2016 15:26     Subject: Re:Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
It happened to me in college, I met a girl that my then boyfriend knew well and when I was introduced to her I saw a pained look in her face. I didn't think about it again but my bf confessed it all about a week later because he was feeling guilty.

Anonymous
Post 05/01/2016 15:03     Subject: Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
I knew. Several times with different women through the years.

My ex-husband was a sociopath.

It's traumatizing. For me, a rush of adrenaline flowed through my body, my chest got tight, and I could hardly breath. Face bright red, sort of a weird wind-sound in my ears.

What I've learned since is that living in a situation like this is so unhealthy and so traumatizing that women (or men) tend to get physically sick from the stress.

OP, I hope you get to the bottom of it. Please don't live like this for long.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2016 12:50     Subject: Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
Anonymous wrote:OW here. I've seen the AP's wife once. I saw her across a crowded room and she saw me. I was so curious about her, but also sad and ashamed. All of that must have been on my face because she had kind of a look of shock on her face. I've always wondered if she knew after that.


That's an interesting point. I wonder if the subconscious clue for the DWs who met the OW in person was that they were reacting to them with more interest/emotion than a stranger usually would.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2016 12:38     Subject: Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
OW here. I've seen the AP's wife once. I saw her across a crowded room and she saw me. I was so curious about her, but also sad and ashamed. All of that must have been on my face because she had kind of a look of shock on her face. I've always wondered if she knew after that.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2016 12:27     Subject: Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
It could be just a sexual thing for him. Maybe she's OK with outsourcing marital sex, something many DCUMs seem ready to do.

Anonymous wrote:Yes I agree trust your gut. But it's really sad to me that you aren't upset about it. The opposite of love isn't hate...it's indifference. I'm really sorry you are in a relationship like that. I hope you can find a good solution to your marital problems.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2016 12:22     Subject: Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
Yes I agree trust your gut. But it's really sad to me that you aren't upset about it. The opposite of love isn't hate...it's indifference. I'm really sorry you are in a relationship like that. I hope you can find a good solution to your marital problems.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2016 10:58     Subject: Re:Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
I accidentally ran into my Hs OW, she was with mutual friends at happy hour, and she was rude to me for no reason. I went home and told my H I did not want them socializing with her and he broke up with her the next day. She cried like a baby... He was relieved to have a good reason to dump herr and like a classic asshole told her if she could have just been nice he wouldn't need to dump her. Years later when he got caught cheating and fully disclosed his previous affairs he told me that I had "figured that one out"... Actually I figured them all out but life is too short to be tracking down and stalking emotionally damaged rubes.

Anonymous
Post 05/01/2016 10:21     Subject: Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
Yep trust your gut
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2016 10:10     Subject: Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Marriage has not been great for a few years, but we work at it. Husband has an interest that he often goes out for that I have never accompanied on, until last night. He introduced me to several other people who are regulars that he hangs out with when he engages in this interest, men and women. And there was one woman, when he introduced me, I immediately went, "Oh my gosh, they're fucking." It was just a total gut reaction in the moment -- I'm not a jealous person and have never thought this before although he has many other women friends -- but it was something about a shadow of shame that came over his face when he introduced me and a look that she gave me. And then she avoided me the rest of the night.

I honestly am not going to do anything about it and am not even really that mad about it -- I wouldn't blame him that much because things have been rough between us and I could see myself being tempted to do the same thing. It obviously would be crazy to accuse him of anything. I did, on our drive home later, ask him more about several of the people I met, including her, and he confirmed she's part of the group he sees regularly on this circuit, which involves some travel. He answered nonchalantly. Just wondering out of curiosity if people believe in a kind of sixth sense about these kinds of things and that I'm onto something or if I'm probably making it up in my head.


I believe there is absolutely a sixth sense. I can't explain it but it's there. I was an unsuspecting spouse when my h was involved in a lengthly affair with a coworker. Then one night out of the blue I dreamed he was involved with her. I had not suspected a thing, but my subconscious mind apparently did and it turned out to be true.


This happened to me! We were friends with another couple, and I dreamed my H. was sleeping with her. Turns out they were hooking up. I'll never doubt my sixth sense. There's something to it.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2016 03:47     Subject: Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?
Every single time a guy has cheated on me, I knew it when I met the girls/saw traces of her on social media. I e been cheated on by pretty much every guy I've ever dated, so now it's not even a 6th sense. I just assume and in always right. What can I say? I pick losers.

On a dating hiatus now, trying to change the pattern and work on myself.