"Bill, I know that you lied about going to Jimmy Johns for lunch yesterday and then tried to cover it up. I just want you to know that it bothers me that you lied to me and I'd rather you came clean with me at some point. It doesn't have to be today, but think about it. If you don't address this reasonably soon, it will erode the trust our marriage is built on. Don't start us down the slippery slope. I love you."

Then leave him to figure out what to do about it. If it is something innocuous like Mother's Day or your birthday, it will come out in the next couple of weeks. If something else that is explainable, he'll tell you about it and soon. If he doesn't address it soon, then you make this the first warning and start looking for other signs and clues.

Good luck. I hope that he comes clean and reasonably quickly.

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised no one has said anything about the couple of nights a week he spends "with the guys." Given the other things OP has raised, those raise a big red flag for me.

I agree. That's alot of socializing for someone with small kids.

Whoa. Total red flag. There is no reason to lie about going to Jimmie Johns. Maybe buy a tile tracker or something like that and throwing it in the back of his car. Check his phone and emails. Watch before confronting.

I think, at this point, op should just ask DH what the heck is going on. Maybe he was getting a present, maybe he's fooling around, but I just don't see why OP needs to sit around waiting for clues.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you wrote this post on 4/22 saying yesterday your husband went for a dollar sub. Thing is, the subs were only offered on 4/20 to celebrate weed day.

No. It was 4.21 for customer appreciation day. Put down the weed.

OP, you wrote this post on 4/22 saying yesterday your husband went for a dollar sub. Thing is, the subs were only offered on 4/20 to celebrate weed day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't seem like a big deal to me at all. I don't know why you would immediately jump to cheating, OP. There's probably some other explanation.

I think the fact that it isn't a big deal is what's bothering me. I wouldn't (and haven't) complain if he spent $20 at lunch, or if he changed plans once he got there and saw they weren't participating in the deal. I don't care where he goes for lunch. So why lie about it?

Because he was probably buying you a gift, trying to arrange a surprise, buying something dumb for himself, fixing something he broke he didn't want you to know about...

It sounds to me like he's trying to save face. And all I'm saying is that it doesn't sound like you have any reason to not trust him, so... trust him. When you hear hoofbeats, right?

It is just one day later - I'd bring it up like PP suggested. "So where were you really yesterday at lunch? I don't want to be THAT woman, but it wasn't really cool of you to lie to me about it two separate times. We are usually pretty honest, so it just feels weird to me that you would be so weird about this." I wouldn't yell or scream or anything, but he would have to address it and not deflect or distract before I could go about my weekend.

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't seem like a big deal to me at all. I don't know why you would immediately jump to cheating, OP. There's probably some other explanation.

I think the fact that it isn't a big deal is what's bothering me. I wouldn't (and haven't) complain if he spent $20 at lunch, or if he changed plans once he got there and saw they weren't participating in the deal. I don't care where he goes for lunch. So why lie about it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing that gets me is he was gone for 2 hours, which is just the right amount of time for a quickie. That and his weird behavior are tell tales to me.

I don't know how you can sleep with him with this hanging over you. I would confront him in a silly way, sort of humorously: "okay so where were you REALLY yesterday? There is no jimmy johns over there, so what's going on, goofy?" and see what he says. Catch him off guard.

But I wouldn't sleep with him with this out there. Who knows WHAT he has been doing with his little jimmy john.

OP, are there hotels between your work and his, or close enough?

Yes. We work in the city.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably didn't want to hear if from you that he spent $12 on lunch instead of $1. Let it go.

This was my thought as well. Are you two on the same page re: finances?

Yes, we are on the same page re:finances. We are fortunate to make good incomes, and live very well within our means. I don't monitor how much he spends on lunch, or really anything, because he lives within our agreed upon budget, and we've never come up short or had financial trouble.

Anonymous wrote:The thing that gets me is he was gone for 2 hours, which is just the right amount of time for a quickie. That and his weird behavior are tell tales to me.

I don't know how you can sleep with him with this hanging over you. I would confront him in a silly way, sort of humorously: "okay so where were you REALLY yesterday? There is no jimmy johns over there, so what's going on, goofy?" and see what he says. Catch him off guard.

But I wouldn't sleep with him with this out there. Who knows WHAT he has been doing with his little jimmy john.

OP, are there hotels between your work and his, or close enough?

This doesn't seem like a big deal to me at all. I don't know why you would immediately jump to cheating, OP. There's probably some other explanation.

The thing that gets me is he was gone for 2 hours, which is just the right amount of time for a quickie. That and his weird behavior are tell tales to me.

I don't know how you can sleep with him with this hanging over you. I would confront him in a silly way, sort of humorously: "okay so where were you REALLY yesterday? There is no jimmy johns over there, so what's going on, goofy?" and see what he says. Catch him off guard.

But I wouldn't sleep with him with this out there. Who knows WHAT he has been doing with his little jimmy john.

Anonymous wrote:Probably didn't want to hear if from you that he spent $12 on lunch instead of $1. Let it go.

This was my thought as well. Are you two on the same page re: finances?