Anonymous wrote:If she's hot, I'd date and sleep with her anyway. But marry her? No way -- not with that background and that drama. Her problems would become my problems. No thanks.

Yeah - but watch those holes in the condoms, buddy.

Anonymous wrote:Why is her license suspended?

Read the entire thread, back on page 1:

I think an unpaid speeding ticket caused her license to be suspended. She thought it would be simple enough to pay the speeding ticket but I guess she needs to go to court and get a lawyer. I am not entirely sure. She carries around her passport as her id.

I am married to someone whose credit was shot when we married, to the point where he was concerned that his poor credit would tank any apartment we wanted to rent or house we wanted to buy (that did not end up happening). His license was suspended at the time, his condo was getting foreclosed on, and he had about $10k in credit card debt.

He is a good person, but he freely admits that he made some shitty decisions that resulted in a lot of pain. The condo foreclosure and credit card debt both occurred in the context of his first marriage falling apart and it was rather a chicken/egg situation as both things facilitated each other. The suspended license ended up being a mistake.

The difference is that my husband worked really hard to pay off the debt and take care of the license issue and come up with a plan to take the edge of the foreclosure. He took steps to repair his credit along the way. Your friend sounds like she's done none of those things. She is simply ignoring these things and hoping they'll go away. Moving and changing her number so that the debt collectors won't find her? How did she imagine that would play out? Did she think they'd just forget?

She needs to grow up and start resolving these problems, or else no one is going to take her seriously as a potential wife.

Why is her license suspended?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she is attractive to him, and seems to have things together now, he'll probably be willing to overlook it. I think this is a case where men tend to be more forgiving.

+1 but if she were a man, women probably wouldn't be so forgiving. It would certainly be a deal breaker for me.

OP here. I would not be able to date a man who lived above his means and spent so recklessly that he could not pay his credit card bills. That would be a huge turn off for me if I found out.

I have been married for 10 years and sometimes complain how frugal DH is. I guess that is better since we have a ton of savings.

I almost dated a guy in a 20's. He went to Wharton, just moved to Manhattan. I thought it was a HUGE turn off that he could not drive. We went on a road trip and I had to drive because he didn't know how. At the same time, I have several girlfriends in NYC who just never learned to drive because they didn't have access to a car. That doesn't seem like it is as big of a deal. Definitely double standards.

The friend mentioned in the OP grew up in the suburbs and had a license. Her license was suspended so that is a different situation.

Some people can't drive for medical reasons. For example, the eyesight is not good enough. In my case, I lost my ability to drive at 48 because I developed a propensity to pass out -- my heart would periodically stop for 10 seconds. It never happened while driving, but I surrendered my license for about two years until the problem was fixed (with a pacemaker).

During that time, I lived in the suburbs. I took public transportation to work. Wife drove when we traveled.

This nonsense is forgiveable for a 20 year old who apparently had no adult guidance in life. But by 30 "messed up" financial aid stories, suspended liscences and such don't cut it anymore. The only chance for your friend to marry is to find a man who is not smart and equally irresponsible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So wait, what happened to her outstanding credit card debt? Did she ever pay it off? If not, it's still accruing interest right? It doesn't just go away because you changed your phone number.

She sounds like a mess. I'd run from a relationship like that.

No, her credit card debt was never paid off. She didn't finish college because her school loans also got messed up. She dropped a class and apparently your financial aid gets dropped if you are no longer a full time student.

She pays for everything in cash or her debit card.

I have had financial aid for years for college, and you do not have to be full time. You have to be taking class that total at least 6 credits to get financial aid. If she was really going full time, which is 12 credits minimum, she wouldn't have lost the financial aid. There was probably a different issue, and even then, you can appeal it and still get it.

I get people not having a car, but not getting a license has not made sense to me. Sure, if you travel, you can get a cab, Uber, etc, but some states (Florida is a great example of this), it would be a pain to use those as resources and much easier to get a rental car.

To the person that is nearly 30 and thinking of bankruptcy because of medical debt, don't be afraid to get a 30 minute consultation with a lawyer. I know, it stinks, I've been there. I would also consider talking to the creditors to see what you can negotiate.

I wouldn't have a problem dating someone with a poor credit history if they were taking steps to fix and improve things. My best friend's fiancé had terrible credit before he finished med school. He's now a successful doctor with his own practice and he's righted all his past financial wrongs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So wait, what happened to her outstanding credit card debt? Did she ever pay it off? If not, it's still accruing interest right? It doesn't just go away because you changed your phone number.

She sounds like a mess. I'd run from a relationship like that.

No, her credit card debt was never paid off. She didn't finish college because her school loans also got messed up. She dropped a class and apparently your financial aid gets dropped if you are no longer a full time student.

She pays for everything in cash or her debit card.

Right, so men are wise to run from her. This will come back to bite her. Her wages could be garnished at some point. The consequences extend far beyond "bad credit". She stole money and at some point she will be held responsible. No amount of changing your phone number will get this off her record.

I have bad credit and it keeps me up at night. Not a penny of it is from credit cards. It's all from medical debt before I had health insurance. I'm thinking if filing for bankruptcy ugh I'm only 30

Anonymous wrote:So wait, what happened to her outstanding credit card debt? Did she ever pay it off? If not, it's still accruing interest right? It doesn't just go away because you changed your phone number.

She sounds like a mess. I'd run from a relationship like that.

No, her credit card debt was never paid off. She didn't finish college because her school loans also got messed up. She dropped a class and apparently your financial aid gets dropped if you are no longer a full time student.

She pays for everything in cash or her debit card.

Anonymous wrote:So wait, what happened to her outstanding credit card debt? Did she ever pay it off? If not, it's still accruing interest right? It doesn't just go away because you changed your phone number.

She sounds like a mess. I'd run from a relationship like that.

DL, who cares. But the credit issue, forget it. It's one thing to make financial mistakes when you're young--not uncommon--but to take zero responsibility and make no effort to fix the situation? Dealbreaker.

My DH wracked up credit card debt in his 20s. When I met him (at 29) he was still paying it off. I had to have a number of conversations with him to understand how he'd let that happen, and how it was something I did NOT think was smart financially. He worked at paying it off, and he did. his credit is outstanding because of it. And he learned a valuable lesson about not spending more money than you make.

You friend is dishonest and a thief. She spent money that was not hers and then dodged the consequences. She is not a good person.

So wait, what happened to her outstanding credit card debt? Did she ever pay it off? If not, it's still accruing interest right? It doesn't just go away because you changed your phone number.

She sounds like a mess. I'd run from a relationship like that.

Anonymous wrote:If she's hot, I'd date and sleep with her anyway. But marry her? No way -- not with that background and that drama. Her problems would become my problems. No thanks.

OP here. I think this is her problem. She has absolutely no problem meeting and dating guys. She's cute and a lot of fun. The guy never marries her though. She is now 37 years old. She has been in several long term (~5 yrs) relationships.