I think the hostess was very rude. However, the one thing I don't understand is when you suggested a "girls night" did you always envision it to be adult-only? If so, what were you going to do with 6 yr-old then? I suspect that is what the hostess may be annoyed by. But, I'm with you. I most certainly would not want to pay for sitter and then go to and event where there are lots of other kids around. If I'm springing for a sitter, I'd like it to be for a kid-free evening.

So, I'd stick to your guns and possible explain your thinking regarding the above.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home with your child. Next time she brings up the fact that it was your idea say, "Winnie, I know it was my idea and was actually really looking forward to it, but I am a single mom and I cannot leave my child alone to go do something that is also open to children. You are correct that our kids are not best friends and also within your rights as a hostess to not invite my child, but as a mom, I have to take into account my child's feelings too. Your children can exclude my daughter, but I cannot exclude my child. I am sorry but I will have to decline."
"

I think this is perfect

This is perfect if you want to make it into a big deal and a problem.

Let it go, she excluded your 6 year old for whatever reason, take note and move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home with your child. Next time she brings up the fact that it was your idea say, "Winnie, I know it was my idea and was actually really looking forward to it, but I am a single mom and I cannot leave my child alone to go do something that is also open to children. You are correct that our kids are not best friends and also within your rights as a hostess to not invite my child, but as a mom, I have to take into account my child's feelings too. Your children can exclude my daughter, but I cannot exclude my child. I am sorry but I will have to decline."
"

I think this is perfect

This is perfect if you want to make it into a big deal and a problem.

Let it go, she excluded your 6 year old for whatever reason, take note and move on.

I agree that this is rude and unkind. Perhaps you could offer to host so that you don't have to find a sitter for your DD. Let her know that she is welcome to bring her kids or find a sitter if she prefers.

Anonymous wrote:Stay home with your child. Next time she brings up the fact that it was your idea say, "Winnie, I know it was my idea and was actually really looking forward to it, but I am a single mom and I cannot leave my child alone to go do something that is also open to children. You are correct that our kids are not best friends and also within your rights as a hostess to not invite my child, but as a mom, I have to take into account my child's feelings too. Your children can exclude my daughter, but I cannot exclude my child. I am sorry but I will have to decline."
"

I think this is perfect

Anonymous wrote:If kids will be there, your kids should be included.

This. The hostess is insensitive and insanely rude.

Friendship is like gardening. Time to pull the weeds and toss them into the trash. No words. Just a smile. It'll be so much prettier without the ugly weeds!

No words! Just pull and toss into the trash. That's the key!!

OP - This woman behaved in a way that was intentional and "a deliberate" put-down of you. Since you do work in the same setting, just decline and no longer have a personal relationship with her outside of necessary work contact. As suggested be professional at work, but do not do lunch or anything else that would give her the idea that you wanted to maintain a friendship. Find some other folks to hang out with who are not treating you and DC in such a crass way.

She is not your friend. She is not considerate of YOUR feelings or your child's. Keep her strictly in the co-worker column. It's not that complicated. Also, treat yourself and your DS to a mani pedi at home.

Anonymous wrote:She's not your friend if she cannot make your child comfortable for a few hours in her home. If the other kids are invited, yours should be too.

Plus 1
I woukd Not want to be friends with her, she sounds awful.

She is an asshole. Drop her and don't feel bad about it.

Well, I'm a bitch, so I would call her on it. I would say the following, "so what you are telling me is that the other kids are invited and mine is not?" Make her uncomfortable. She will try to come up with some stupid answer to that. Finish with, "at least I know where our friendship stands. Please don't contact me again. You are not a friend." Then hang up the phone.

I'd stay home and find better friends.

Your friend is a bitch. Just tell her that you will bring over a few movies for the kids to watch quietly so that your daughter doesn't bother hers OR tell her that you don't have another option for taking care of your child, so you can't come.

I feel badly for your daughter if she has any idea of what's going on here...that "friend" of yours is a real jerk. Since you work with her, I wouldn't want to be mean back to her but I'd just be very straightforward w/ her and tell her yes, it was your idea to do the girl's night and you wish that you could still do it but that when you proposed having a girl's night you didn't realize that that would mean having to find childcare for your daughter which is not do-able for you and that you cannot attend if your daughter can't attend. Be clear that you are not trying to force her to invite your daughter (because at this point, knowing her (and her kids') nastiness and meanness toward your daughter, you probably don't want her to begrudgingly agree to having your daughter come anyway) but that it's just unfortunate that this is the situation.

I doubt she will realize why she is in the wrong here because she sounds like just an awful person but hopefully you can resist the temptation to be mean back to her, for the sake of preserving your work relationship, but can just stop having any kind of social relationship w/ her outside of work.