Anonymous wrote:Bit of a spin off here. I have 1 year old same sex twins. I totally get that it's not a package deal, but how do you deal with hurt feelings? Or, worst, if it keeps happening and one is more popular than the other? Maybe I should start a new thread...

Yep, mine are seven months and b/g fraternal. I thought about it and I actually would feel crappier for telling my little girl when she is six that she isn't invited to a party because she is a girl. Either way, I didn't think of this as a potential future problem and honestly, it seems like a stupid problem now, but when a child is 6, being invited to a birthday party is their whole world! I am not relishing dealing with this at all.

Bit of a spin off here. I have 1 year old same sex twins. I totally get that it's not a package deal, but how do you deal with hurt feelings? Or, worst, if it keeps happening and one is more popular than the other? Maybe I should start a new thread...

Anonymous wrote:OP here, my instinct was to just let it go. but I wanted to double check it. twin was in quotes b/c I haven't had coffee yet! we live in a small town house so 1 extra person does make a difference. we won't have enough seats for everyone etc and I thought it might be weird to have a kid at the party who doesn't know the other kids....but I am reminded now that at 6/7 you pretty much just play with whoever anyway. so hopefully it will all work out.
this is our first twin friend so we don't have experience with it--are twins just treated as a package deal until an older age? if you invite one, you invite both etc?

If I had two six year olds and someone sent me an email inviting us to their six year olds birthday party and weren't at all clear, I might assume, yes, we were all being invited.

This post annoys me because you made the mistake and somehow want to make it a burden you are graciously accepting.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, if there's room for an extra child, just invite him.

Fwiw, that mom was wrong for making the assumption. But be a gracious hostess and just respond you are happy they can make it.

I agree with this. OP, just try and make room for the other kid, but the mom was wrong for assuming it was fine for both kids. I've noticed that some moms of twins do this though. We have 3 sets of twins at our school, and often the moms will assume both kids are invited. I've come to accept it (because, like other PPs say, it's not a huge deal anyway), but I do think it's rude of the parents to assume a sibling is invited, without checking in first. JMHO

Twin dad here. We've had times that the boys were in different classes (at the same school), but it's a small school so everyone knew both boys. We were fortunate that the boys were always invited to the same events, but if I got an invitation for TwinA without TwinB, I would probably contact the RSVP contact and mention we had twins and ask if both were invited or if I should make alternate plans for TwinB. I've invited a number of kids from school to parties for several years and had parents ask to bring different age siblings or in one case just show up with a sibling. We had a no show that day, so it worked out fine for everyone. I've spoken with other parents from our school and people where I live are not nearly as fussy about these things as it seems the parents on DCUM are.

Another twin mom here. I find it hard to believe that your 1st grade kid didn't know his friend had a twin. Your kid should have said something to you.

No, twins are not package deals, not even same sex ones. If you were not clear in your invitation which twin you were inviting (i.e., did you use his name in the invite?), then twin mom had to make an awkward assumption.

Either way, if you don't have the space, email her and let her know you're sorry for the confusion and no siblings are invited. Otherwise, let it go and let him come. This doesn't have to be so difficult.

Anonymous wrote:as a "twin" mom, I don't assume that both are invited. That being said- if the evite comes to me- without specifying who is invited, it is easy to assume that it is both. I have kind of a stock email that I send-
Hi Jane, I'm Rhonda- Larlo & Longo's mom's- we got the invitation to Voldermort's party, and the boys are so excited about it!. A question for you- I wasn't sure whether you intended to invite Larlo (in Ms. X's class) or Longo (In Ms. Y's class) or both of them. Whatever your intention is fine with us.

Me too. (Twin mom who frequently is unsure whether one or both twins are invited, so I have a similar stock query.)

I can tell you that the range of responses I get to my stock query really vary, and are very telling. Everything from "Of course both are welcome but thank you for checking." to "No, the invitation is only for Larla. Janie only wants her to come."

Be the gracious one OP. Just because it's the nice, generous, warm thing to do. Isn't that who you want your kid to be?

I remember vividly the least gracious response I got to my stock inquiry, which was a very clear no - only one child was invited. The day of the event that mom went out of her way to thank me for not trying to bring my other child, to tell me that it was completely her daughter's preference (who was 4 at the time. 4!), that all of the other "extra" kids there were family and that's why that half dozen exceptions were made, that all the last minute guests were beyond her control, that my leaving the other child at home really made the party perfect for her daughter, etc... Then she and another mom stood there gossiping at laughing about the kids and their parents. Openly.

Yuck. It was tacky, crude, transparent, and a great lesson in how NOT to host birthday parties for kids.

Be the opposite OP.

Let him come. You know for next time.

FWIW I'm one of those mean, rude, horrible moms who only invited kids who were actually friends with DS. In our school though twins are kept in the same class so ds would have known about the sibling.

Just let it go and let the twin come.

If you tell him not to come it will make you an a-hole.

Anonymous wrote:mom to twins here! Wow, I never thought this would be a problem! I then recollected all the mean-ness that goes on with children and birthday parties.....

Here is my question: Why don't these mom's know each other? Don't people know the parents of their children's friends? Or the other parents in the class??

I don't think the twin mom was rude and I think it was an honest mistake on both parties parts. As a twin mom I will prep myself to have a conversation with my 6 year old about why they aren't invited to Xs birthday but their sibling is. And honestly, I might not let the other one go alone at that age--but make an excuse.

I knew my kids" preschool friends' parents. I don't know their grade school friends' parents.

as a "twin" mom, I don't assume that both are invited. That being said- if the evite comes to me- without specifying who is invited, it is easy to assume that it is both. I have kind of a stock email that I send-
Hi Jane, I'm Rhonda- Larlo & Longo's mom's- we got the invitation to Voldermort's party, and the boys are so excited about it!. A question for you- I wasn't sure whether you intended to invite Larlo (in Ms. X's class) or Longo (In Ms. Y's class) or both of them. Whatever your intention is fine with us.

Anonymous wrote:Inviting one twin and not the other same sex twin to a first grade birthday party is like as adults inviting the wife to a wedding and not the husband. At a young age, same sex twins do everything together.

Then the one invited can decline the invite and they can go do something together. A host has every right, regardless of age, to determine who is invited to their party. If that invitation doesn't fit within the personal dynamics of a specific invited family, then they can decline.

Drawing an analogy between siblings at a birthday party and a married couple at a wedding is ridiculous.

mom to twins here! Wow, I never thought this would be a problem! I then recollected all the mean-ness that goes on with children and birthday parties.....

Here is my question: Why don't these mom's know each other? Don't people know the parents of their children's friends? Or the other parents in the class??

I don't think the twin mom was rude and I think it was an honest mistake on both parties parts. As a twin mom I will prep myself to have a conversation with my 6 year old about why they aren't invited to Xs birthday but their sibling is. And honestly, I might not let the other one go alone at that age--but make an excuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are cray cray... it's 1st grade... you can't fit another 1st grader? GMAFB... who invites 1 twin.

Word!!! Like.... Really.

Where's generosity of spirit? It's a birthday party. You expect people to come with open hearts (and presents) to celebrate your child, then angst over the addition of a twin (sorry, "twin")? It's extraordinary, the ugliness of it.

I live in a micro-house, and wouldn't think twice about it.

Lol. There is no point to even having chairs at a 6 yo boys birthday party. No sitting will occur.