Anonymous
Post 04/07/2016 07:20     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
You had no clue he was like this before you married or has something changed?

If you stay at home get a part time job. No way would I be married to someone who checked out our account everyday.

You need to nip this in the bud.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2016 07:17     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
I left out the identity theft part of the OP's response.....that can happen on any given website, or in a store. It is a risk when you use your card, but there are safeguards. I have e-mail alerts when something is charged past a certain amount, and in the case of one of my credit cards, I get a text alert on every single charge regardless of the amount.

Is there a BJ's where you live (you said there isn't a Costco)? How are you working 60 hours a week (I presume you are commuting) and then claiming to not have time to shop? It doesn't take that long to go to a store and get $100 of groceries. It also seems like you are protecting your 3 year old from being in public instead of learning lessons as he/she controls to grow up. That is not a good thing.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2016 07:13     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't use a debit card for online shopping. If the card number gets stolen it's harder to get the bank to refund the money. Get a credit card. I have a citibank card that links to my Amazon account and I can use the points to make purchases. That way a $50 purchase shows up as a $30 purchase for example. Amex also allows you to link your credit card points to Amazon.
Do you have Amazon Prime? You can get discounts on subscriptions for diapers and wipes.


That is not true, you should read the terms and conditions from your bank. There are more protections now than a few years ago.

OP - I was the one that asked for your reasoning of not going to the store, so thanks for answering. Can you hire a babysitter for a few hours so you can go cheaper on some things?
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2016 05:45     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your responses are hilarious.

I am very cheap/frugal which why DW and I have separate financial accounts.
Also, do cost/financial for a living.

For incidentals/recurring expenses like dog food, basic groceries, paper towels and l do most of the shopping.
However, when DW does need to purchase something I ask basic questions, do you have a coupon or could we wait a little bit longerto buy in larger volume when an item is on sale.

For example, last week one of our dogs "WILL" need $100 eye meds and she called the Vet they wore out and local HT pharmacy wanted $130. I said no dear that likes a 30% markup.
Just need to ask the Vet when its available. I said with $30 you can take me out for an ice cream cone something.

I know, I am cheap dirtbag but I just see purchasing stuff without consideration for savings or understanding unit costs has a compounding effect.
Like having to work longer because I am overspending.


Yes, stupid moron, and when it's your kid who's suffering and needs meds NOW? Or yourself? Will you pick leaves from your garden to wipe yourself when you realize you've run out of every kind of paper in the house, just because the sale on TP doesn't start until next week?

You sound quite as impractical and unfeeling as my husband with Asperger's. Strangely enough, when he's responsible for the shopping, he buys all that's needed, even if the price isn't rock-bottom

You men - always control issues.



Yes and furthermore PP when you talk down to her like she's a child (see bolded above), does she have to close her eyes and gather herself or does she go ahead and clock you for being an asshole? If you'd like to stay married, you might keep that attitude in check.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 23:21     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:Your responses are hilarious.

I am very cheap/frugal which why DW and I have separate financial accounts.
Also, do cost/financial for a living.

For incidentals/recurring expenses like dog food, basic groceries, paper towels and l do most of the shopping.
However, when DW does need to purchase something I ask basic questions, do you have a coupon or could we wait a little bit longerto buy in larger volume when an item is on sale.

For example, last week one of our dogs "WILL" need $100 eye meds and she called the Vet they wore out and local HT pharmacy wanted $130. I said no dear that likes a 30% markup.
Just need to ask the Vet when its available. I said with $30 you can take me out for an ice cream cone something.

I know, I am cheap dirtbag but I just see purchasing stuff without consideration for savings or understanding unit costs has a compounding effect.
Like having to work longer because I am overspending.


Yes, stupid moron, and when it's your kid who's suffering and needs meds NOW? Or yourself? Will you pick leaves from your garden to wipe yourself when you realize you've run out of every kind of paper in the house, just because the sale on TP doesn't start until next week?

You sound quite as impractical and unfeeling as my husband with Asperger's. Strangely enough, when he's responsible for the shopping, he buys all that's needed, even if the price isn't rock-bottom

You men - always control issues.

Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 23:07     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:Stop using amazin for that stuff. The shipping of thise huge boxes is insane. I use a ton of paper towels, and I buy the Costco brand 15 pack for $18 at Costco. It lasts about 3 weeks. You can get tide, garbage bags, toilet paper and dishwasher tabs there too.
You are wasting money.


No Costco where we live, and no time to go there if there was

This isn't about the money.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 19:26     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stop using Amazon. Buy all of this stuff at the store in one trip. The advantage is that it is human nature that seeing 10 charges for $10 is more concerning than seeing 1 charge for $100.


I can't do the store. So many reasons, but I just can't.


You need to explain your logic.

Sometimes, Amazon is a good deal, sometimes not, but the fact your husband won't look at the receipts is pathetic. Don't complain about something without knowing all the details.


Fine. He's deployed and we have a three year old who is not the greatest joy to take to the store. I work 60+ hours a week, I'm depressed and lonely, and it's damn near impossible to find time to go to Walmart. I'm ok with paying a little extra for convenience, and he says he is too, but still questions every charge.

He's not controlling, by the way, just paranoid about identify theft.


When he gets home send him to the commissary with a list and then he'll really appreciate ordering online. I dread the commissary. Its a bit cheaper so I go but it sucks.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 19:24     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
OP, if it's ONLY identity theft he is worried about, you can pay via paypal or get a credit card that generates a temporary number online to pay for purchases (citibank has this feature). No identity theft.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 19:23     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:Hide the tp and detergent, stop washing his clothes. Tell him you couldn't find these items for free and they're too expensive to buy.


Best advice ever. Tell him if he thinks the family needs it, go buy it and he can see the costs.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 19:20     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
whoops. sorry about the duplicate post. I thought the first one got lost.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 19:19     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
How about something like harris teeter curbside pickup? Order online then pick it up at the curb later that day. It would save you from taking the kid into the store and if you don't choose the name brands, it's in the amazon pricing ballpark.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 19:18     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
How about some sort of compromise, like harris teeter store pickup? You can do all the shopping online then roll up to the store later that day and they load everything in your car. It's not walmart prices, but you will get the convenience, get it all done in one trip, and not have to deal with a kid in the store.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 18:00     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ok, I'm also wondering then about constant charges.

Why not group everything into one big purchase twice a month? It doesn't sound very efficient or streamlined to constantly be buying stuff off Amazon.

A steady stream of purchases would be what would bug me if I was reviewing just the statement. It would seem to me to be impulse buying.

So next time you need something, write it down, then after a week place one entire order.


Honestly, it's the depression and inability to run a household effectively by myself (first deployment with a child and it's kicking my ass). And I can't wait a week when I realize we're out of toilet paper. And, since shipping is free, there's really no incentive to group orders...except the environment impact, yes, I know, I know.


You don't have to explain why you don't group purchases. The whole beauty of Amazon is that you can order stuff and have it delivered quickly as soon as you realize you need it! I don't have any of your structural issues (DH is not deployed, I'm not depressed and have a flexible job that allows me to run to the store midday while DD is with nanny to pick up whatever I need, nanny who would also go to the store to run an errand), and I still order stuff piecemeal on Amazon. That's what's so great...no planning needed!

Your issue is your DH being unreasonable about the purchases, not your shopping habits. He probably doesn't even realize how much his harping on it is bothering you. Next time he does it, remind him that you've already discussed this and that it really hurts your feeligns (or whatever) when he keeps harping on it. Make it about his treatment of you, not the spending.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 16:43     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Stop using amazin for that stuff. The shipping of thise huge boxes is insane. I use a ton of paper towels, and I buy the Costco brand 15 pack for $18 at Costco. It lasts about 3 weeks. You can get tide, garbage bags, toilet paper and dishwasher tabs there too.
You are wasting money.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 16:38     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Your responses are hilarious.

I am very cheap/frugal which why DW and I have separate financial accounts.
Also, do cost/financial for a living.

For incidentals/recurring expenses like dog food, basic groceries, paper towels and l do most of the shopping.
However, when DW does need to purchase something I ask basic questions, do you have a coupon or could we wait a little bit longerto buy in larger volume when an item is on sale.

For example, last week one of our dogs "WILL" need $100 eye meds and she called the Vet they wore out and local HT pharmacy wanted $130. I said no dear that likes a 30% markup.
Just need to ask the Vet when its available. I said with $30 you can take me out for an ice cream cone something.

I know, I am cheap dirtbag but I just see purchasing stuff without consideration for savings or understanding unit costs has a compounding effect.
Like having to work longer because I am overspending.