Anonymous wrote:You have to get him to a psychiatrist. You really do. Do whatever it takes. Take away all privileges and activities. You are the parent of a 13 year old -- it's not like he can drive himself away.

Mental illness has nothing to do with how "good" someone's life is or what real-world problems people have. It's biochemical -- it's an illness and it needs to be treated like an illness. You need to get him to a doctor, just as you would if he had cancer.

+1000000

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely do some snooping on social media. Perhaps your son is being bullied, ignored or belittled by peers who you assume of classmates and friends. Also, you mention he's 13 and doesn't like girls, which seems totally fine and normal, but I just want to ask...do you think he might be gay and is coming to this realization and isn't sure how to handle it? How to tell you? How to be ok with that?

Fair point- he likes girls just not super into like some of his friends. He could be gay, I kind of doubt it, we are very open about our support of gay rights etc and I think we'd be about as easy as it gets as a family to come out to- but who knows.

Anonymous wrote:Says his life sucks. I really don't know what to do. We have him in therapy, but he says it doesn't do any good. He actually has a great life in many ways. Nice home, good friends, decent parents - though his dad is gone a lot, he is struggling a bit in school on the academic side, and is skinny for his age, which may be an issue for him with respect to athletics, but he plays on several teams and is decent athlete. He refuses to talk to a psychiatrist or consider medication. No drug or alcohol use. Not interested in girls yet (13). He says he feels this way every day.

Your son needs help. If he does not respond to his therapist, and still has his issues, then you need to find other medical attention immediately. If your child had a problem with a life-threatening condition, you were seeing one specialist, but his treatment was not showing any signs of progress, what would you do? You'd probably try to find another specialist right? Same thing. Find other medical attention and do so immediately before your son decides to act on his threats to himself. If he says he feels this way EVERY DAY, he may act ANY DAY. Tomorrow may be too late if today is the day he decides to act. You need to take action immediately. The talk of suicide is a very loud, very urgent call for help. Answer it immediately. Ask your therapist for a recommendation to someone else. If you have no one else to ask, call a suicide prevention hotline and ask for a referral. Here's one if you can't find another.

1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Languages: English, Spanish
Website: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

We've been through this twice with young teen boys and my husband went through this as well as a teen. The boys have been in therapy, as needed, and we've also done family therapy. None of the therapists have been in network, unfortunately.

What does your son's therapist say? Our experienced therapist knew that my son's life was not in danger and that we did not need to take him to the ER after he expressed that he might want to end his life to a friend. This is really tricky territory though so I was glad that we had a well-trained therapist that we trusted.

All of this was a wake-up call for my often traveling DH to be more involved in our kids' lives. It is really hard to take this on alone, as a parent.

FYI, We've been non-meds all the way. However, we have very large therapy bills. Our kids will always need to be aware of their mental health but for both of them, those early teen years seem to have been the low point.

Besides getting into therapy, what can a parent do? How long should you wait before deciding a therapist isn't working? Any way to get insurance to cover out of network? None of them seem to be in network. How do you know when to stop going? What if they seem worse after going? Any suggestions on a non med approach?

I am so sorry your son is going through this. I work in suicide prevention, and I encourage you to:

1. Find a new therapist that either specializes in Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) or Cognitive-behavioral therapy for suicide prevention (CBT-SP).

**Most therapists are not trained in treating people with suicidal thoughts.

2. Lock up all medications (prescription and over the counter), if you have guns - get them out of the house, and lock up any other means he could use to harm himself (ropes, etc).

Here is a list of resources for you:
http://www.sprc.org/sites/sprc.org/files/Families.pdf

I would definitely do some snooping on social media. Perhaps your son is being bullied, ignored or belittled by peers who you assume of classmates and friends. Also, you mention he's 13 and doesn't like girls, which seems totally fine and normal, but I just want to ask...do you think he might be gay and is coming to this realization and isn't sure how to handle it? How to tell you? How to be ok with that?

Anonymous wrote:You have to get him to a psychiatrist. You really do. Do whatever it takes. Take away all privileges and activities. You are the parent of a 13 year old -- it's not like he can drive himself away.

Mental illness has nothing to do with how "good" someone's life is or what real-world problems people have. It's biochemical -- it's an illness and it needs to be treated like an illness. You need to get him to a doctor, just as you would if he had cancer.

Why would you take away all privileges and activities? Punish him for being depressed?

Anonymous wrote:Says his life sucks. I really don't know what to do. We have him in therapy, but he says it doesn't do any good. He actually has a great life in many ways. Nice home, good friends, decent parents - though his dad is gone a lot, he is struggling a bit in school on the academic side, and is skinny for his age, which may be an issue for him with respect to athletics, but he plays on several teams and is decent athlete. He refuses to talk to a psychiatrist or consider medication. No drug or alcohol use. Not interested in girls yet (13). He says he feels this way every day.

How is your son doing, OP?

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/546352.page

3 names, one in Chevy Chase

Anonymous wrote:We also unfortunately went through this and it is a very serious and potentially lethal illness. We almost lost our DS at age 15, so please listen to the other wise parents on this board and find him a good adolescent psychiatrist as soon as possible for further evaluation and treatment. It will not disappear on its own and it will only get worse without professional help. Good luck to you and DS.

Op here thanks everyone. If anyone knows a good teen psychiatrist would you share the name please? We are in bethesda.

We also unfortunately went through this and it is a very serious and potentially lethal illness. We almost lost our DS at age 15, so please listen to the other wise parents on this board and find him a good adolescent psychiatrist as soon as possible for further evaluation and treatment. It will not disappear on its own and it will only get worse without professional help. Good luck to you and DS.

My husband went through this -- he couldn't shake the depression despite having a wonderful life -- with the right medication, he has been perfectly fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The next time he says this take it seriously and take him to the ER. I know it's not what you or he would want but he is too depressed to accept the help he needs and if you don't do something radical you may regret it.

Just want to say, be very careful about committing or attempting to commit your child for a mental health hold/arrest. One of my friends went through that in her teens and it really destroyed her trust in her parents and she stopped telling them anything which meant she went without treatment for her severe depression for a very long time. You should absolutely take immediate action if the person is an imminent threat to themselves but it isn't a magic bullet and they are generally released quickly without long term treatment being put in place. The fact that he's letting you know he has these thoughts is huge and it's really important to keep that communication going.

Your best bet is establishing a relationship with a good psychiatrist and therapist rather than emergency care. (I'm the PP with the ER experience.)