Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 15:51     Subject: Re:Vent: IL visit
Surprised at all of the PPs who are siding with your MIL or telling you to lighten up.

I'd blow a gasket if my in-laws came with SIL/BILs bad ass kids and expected me to watch them at all. I wouldn't be watching them, I'd literally just be making sure they didn't ruin my house.

Be okay with a kid spilling orange soda on your carpet and possibly breaking shit? And be accused of helicoptering when you want to prevent it? Nah.

Sounds like you already know what to do for next time, just wanted to comment and let you know that you're not alone in your thinking that this is totally effed. DCUM is a twilight zone I swear. Who raised these people?
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2016 16:23     Subject: Vent: IL visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would leave for the day and work at the library or starbucks or something. It sounds like a lot of it is you stressing yourself out. 6 and 8 year olds don't need that much supervision. I understand you don't want your nephew spilling orange soda all over your house, but sometimes you just need to let things go. Just spell out before you leave that drinks stay in the kitchen/dining room. If he spills on the rug, they get it cleaned or buy you a new one, honestly.


Yeah, probably this is best. But I'm not as demanding as it sounds. There is a large playroom where I don't really care what they do...I'm really just talking about a formal living room (which also has an heirloom rug which can't be replaced and is very expensive to clean). When BIL/SIL come with the kids, they make sure they don't take messy food/drink in there...they also have a room like this in their home, so it's not like it's something their kids don't understand. I honestly think MIL just has this weird attitude when she comes to our house. Part of it is her feeling like niece and nephew are on vacation so they should be allowed to do whatever they want. Part of it is also that she's a little weird about the fact that we have some expensive items in our house. But most of it is that a 6 y.o. doesn't need constant supervision, but he does need a little bit of it...especially nephew who's somewhat babied by MIL (who also comments about how immature he is). I feel like it's a little unusual to expect a 6 y.o. to be able to select and serve himself snacks without any adults around to help him (this has ended up being me, since they can't find MIL to ask her). When I was a kid, we weren't allowed to take snacks and messy drinks out of the kitchen at all.


I am with you on the MIL thing, but come on, a 6 year old can grab a banana or a snack bar or a cheese stick and "serve" it to himself, seriously.


Yeah, I guess it's just a difference in styles. When I was a kid, we usually had to ask before taking snacks etc (presumably because my Mom wanted to know what we were eating and also stop us from snacking right before dinner etc)...this is what my sister does with her kids as well so it's what I'm used to seeing. I think the bigger issue to me is that MIL herself talks about how he's really messy but was doing nothing to prevent him from bringing food into the one area of the house I'd like to keep it off-limits.

Anyway, they've left now, so things are a little calmer. FWIW, DD's nanny commented to me today that she found nephew's behavior a little immature/out-of-control for a 6 y.o. (and she's taken care of a few before coming to work for us). She also commented that she thought it was unusual that MIL didn't seem to say anything to him when he was doing stuff he clearly shouldn't be doing...and she actually really likes my MIL!
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2016 16:09     Subject: Vent: IL visit
Now you know what works and not, prepare for next time, being it spontaneous or planned visits.

Anonymous
Post 04/05/2016 15:48     Subject: Vent: IL visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would leave for the day and work at the library or starbucks or something. It sounds like a lot of it is you stressing yourself out. 6 and 8 year olds don't need that much supervision. I understand you don't want your nephew spilling orange soda all over your house, but sometimes you just need to let things go. Just spell out before you leave that drinks stay in the kitchen/dining room. If he spills on the rug, they get it cleaned or buy you a new one, honestly.


Yeah, probably this is best. But I'm not as demanding as it sounds. There is a large playroom where I don't really care what they do...I'm really just talking about a formal living room (which also has an heirloom rug which can't be replaced and is very expensive to clean). When BIL/SIL come with the kids, they make sure they don't take messy food/drink in there...they also have a room like this in their home, so it's not like it's something their kids don't understand. I honestly think MIL just has this weird attitude when she comes to our house. Part of it is her feeling like niece and nephew are on vacation so they should be allowed to do whatever they want. Part of it is also that she's a little weird about the fact that we have some expensive items in our house. But most of it is that a 6 y.o. doesn't need constant supervision, but he does need a little bit of it...especially nephew who's somewhat babied by MIL (who also comments about how immature he is). I feel like it's a little unusual to expect a 6 y.o. to be able to select and serve himself snacks without any adults around to help him (this has ended up being me, since they can't find MIL to ask her). When I was a kid, we weren't allowed to take snacks and messy drinks out of the kitchen at all.


I am with you on the MIL thing, but come on, a 6 year old can grab a banana or a snack bar or a cheese stick and "serve" it to himself, seriously.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2016 15:27     Subject: Vent: IL visit
Nest time go to a work space. That sounds awful. Don't take your kids out of daycare, and why are they hanging around the house instead of out doing things??