Two sons, oldest has HFA and ADHD. Husband and I both work full time and telework. Tons of flexibility and very understanding bosses. We take advantage of daycare, aftercare, etc.

We got lucky. Really lucky.

I'm in pharmaceutical market research. I work from home (took my Boston job with me when I moved to MoCo); I negotiated an 80% schedule (9:30-4:00) but often my hours are flex with appointments, various scheduling needs as you all know I have a lot on my plate like all of you - but marketing research, particularly if you can get contracting work, can be flexible. It is client service so the demands can be tough at times- there are busier periods mixed with lighter periods. I try very hard to be present when possible - if i'm not at my laptop, people can text or call me, and i check email on my iPhone. I am communicative about when I'll be OOO, and my teams understand. These jobs are out there. Don't lose hope for a fulfilling career with bumps along the road - as anyone can experience whether you have a kid w/ASD, you are going through a divorce, are living with cancer, etc...everyone has a struggle, so find a job where people are understanding and empathetic..

Thanks, good to know. We are 10 people. But we have some flexibility written into our employee handbook.

Anonymous wrote:Not much time now as I'm at work. But remember the FMLA only applies to employers with 50+ employees. I am at a small nonprofit that is flexible but I don't have FMLA protection. Nor can I afford a full time nanny...I just turned down a job with a 20 percent pay raise but crazier hours, a longer commute, and international travel because of my kid. It is what it is.

The DC FMLA covers employers with 20+ employees. Also, I think that is based on who is on payroll during any calendar week in the previous or current year (so if your employer brought people in for a busy period last year, you may be covered), or if your employer has 20 people that all work part-time, you'd be covered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Everything you PP wrote about ADHD is true but that's not true for other issues like ASD where there is a ton of research showing how much early intervention matters. It also shows that the more you do at that critical period the more it increases the odds your child will do better in the future.

Wow. You have very little knowledge about ADHD and all the comorbid disorders. You also seem to fail to recognize that ADHD is a spectrum disorder just as ASD is. Mild cases require less intensive interventions, more severe cases require more. I've got one kid with ASD and one kid with 'just' ADHD. The one with ASD is far easier and requires much less support. He's 16 and his brother with ADHD is 9.

It's the person who said she stopped almost all her therapies for her child with ADHD and talked about how she sought out doctors who gave her a "pass" to not do very much at that age you should be attacking.

I'm that PP. Why should she be "attacking" me? I'd love to hear your answer.

Anonymous wrote:

Everything you PP wrote about ADHD is true but that's not true for other issues like ASD where there is a ton of research showing how much early intervention matters. It also shows that the more you do at that critical period the more it increases the odds your child will do better in the future.

Wow. You have very little knowledge about ADHD and all the comorbid disorders. You also seem to fail to recognize that ADHD is a spectrum disorder just as ASD is. Mild cases require less intensive interventions, more severe cases require more. I've got one kid with ASD and one kid with 'just' ADHD. The one with ASD is far easier and requires much less support. He's 16 and his brother with ADHD is 9.

It's the person who said she stopped almost all her therapies for her child with ADHD and talked about how she sought out doctors who gave her a "pass" to not do very much at that age you should be attacking.

I was a lawyer but became a SAHM when DS was born. DS has ASD and ADHD both diagnosed when he started school. We get all services at our public school through the IEP so it would be possible for me to go back to work if needed. All our after school schlepping is for extracurriculars/enrichment not therapies.

Anonymous wrote:I am an in house attorney. My schedule is extremely flexible because I worked for the company before I had my son. Even with the flexibilty, working full time and managing my sons schedule of school and therapies plus constantly coordinating with the teachers, doctors, therapists and shadows is very stressful.

Most moms I know with a child with ASD either work in a business that thier family owns or work part time.

I am also an attorney. I have been part-time for a long time. When I wasn't part-time, my husband was part-time.

I am an attorney who is the primary breadwinner and the insurance holder. I went part-time, which in practice means I still work 8 hours most days, but the hours are flexible. I was only able to do this because the people I work for know my worth...the salary is decent but of course nowhere where it would have been had I stayed on the career track. DH works full time, but his job is 9-5. Both our kids are HFA - I don't know what we would have had to do had things been worse.

Everything you PP wrote about ADHD is true but that's not true for other issues like ASD where there is a ton of research showing how much early intervention matters. It also shows that the more you do at that critical period the more it increases the odds your child will do better in the future.

Wow. You have very little knowledge about ADHD and all the comorbid disorders. You also seem to fail to recognize that ADHD is a spectrum disorder just as ASD is. Mild cases require less intensive interventions, more severe cases require more. I've got one kid with ASD and one kid with 'just' ADHD. The one with ASD is far easier and requires much less support. He's 16 and his brother with ADHD is 9.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that this is a relevant questions to all parents of special needs kids. I have two kids with ADHD and so many things have come up over the years along with the stress of dealing with the day to day. I could never have worked full-time. I worked in a family owned business for a while and now work as a consultant which gives me a lot of flexibility. Flexibility is absolutely key. I also don't think it is good for both parents to have high stress jobs. Raising kids with special needs is stressful enough and at least one parent needs to make the kids their top priority.

This sounds like me except my second kid has ASD and ADHD. I'm a real estate agent. Flexible and setting your own schedule is definitely key. My husband has a high stress job with lots of travel. We have a 3-afternoon/week nanny.

Again, the part in the above thread that I take issue with is the suggestion that if both parents have demanding jobs their kids are NOT their top priority. To me such a broad, overly sweeping assertion smacks of 1950's-era attitudes about the proper role of women.

Is juggling it all hard, yes. But some of us have made it work while remaining in the workforce and we're not worser parents for it.

Anonymous wrote:I agree that this is a relevant questions to all parents of special needs kids. I have two kids with ADHD and so many things have come up over the years along with the stress of dealing with the day to day. I could never have worked full-time. I worked in a family owned business for a while and now work as a consultant which gives me a lot of flexibility. Flexibility is absolutely key. I also don't think it is good for both parents to have high stress jobs. Raising kids with special needs is stressful enough and at least one parent needs to make the kids their top priority.

This sounds like me except my second kid has ASD and ADHD. I'm a real estate agent. Flexible and setting your own schedule is definitely key. My husband has a high stress job with lots of travel. We have a 3-afternoon/week nanny.

Having local grandparents who are willing to do school pickups, run to appts. and therapies, etc. and provide gap childcare coverage as needed (beyond aftercare or pt nanny) has been key to myself and DH both working ft.

Anonymous wrote:I think the big takeaway is that in order to work full time you need excellent support AT HOME. If you are unable to afford the support, even with a full time job, then it does not make sense to stay at the job as your child will have too many demands.

Full time help is VERY expensive, especially when you have a child with behaviors. Therefore, like everything in life it seems to come down to money- who has enough and who doesn't. Money also affords you the right to get private services that might come with better appointment times.

Let's all support each other with the options that are available.

I think for the most part your post is spot on, but I'm guessing the majority of families in this country who have special needs children also have working parent/s. A lot of these kids are poor and undiagnosed.

In the DCUM crowd, it is likely that you have one spouse pulling in enough income to make ends meet on one salary (you are not living large, but can make it work), or, both salaries are high enough that you can afford significant household help.

I was in my late 20's making in the mid 50s salary-wise and it was not worth it to outsource, therefore I quit my job to manage the therapy appointments, doctor appointments, different pre-school programs, etc.

In our family things got easier once kid was school age (they are in school all day), and I have gone back to work part time. Obviously everyone will have a different experience.

I don't have FMLA protections either. Sucks.

But for OP -- s/he needs to find what works best in their family. For us, we needed 2 salaries to make therapies and private school work. Our insurance doesn't cover a great deal, and many therapists require you to pay up front and then seek reimbursement on your own.

I truly marvel at how any of us make it work. Yes, some people are rolling in cash. But many are not. We are making sacrifices to send our child to private, forgoing fancy vacations for a couple of years... being frugal. No nanny. But this is what we do to make it work. And I know we are blessed bc so many parents can't afford anything but what public school gives them. It's a sad state of affairs.