Anonymous wrote:There is something really weird about bragging about how kind your children are.

And I'm sure many of you will say that you aren't pressuring your kids. But I've heard you before. I've heard you chastise your kid after a soccer game. I've heard you compare your kid's project to a classmate's project. I've heard you say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

This is a great literary flight of fancy, but, is it possible...maybe...that you might not know "us" at all? That you're painting with a broad brush that you would surely warn your kids against doing? Do you really not see that you are engaging in the same kind of weird competitive "my children are better than xxx" stuff that you claim to hate? Except for "my children are smarter" you are just saying "my children are ever so much nicer?"

I believe you when you say your kids are nice and kind. I don't think that nice and kind kids are particular uncommon. Nor do I believe the parenting mindset you express here is particularly unusual. Nor do I believe parents who care about whether their kids get into an HGC are helicoptering monsters.

I agree with what someone else said earlier; this OP realizes this was an ill-advised thread. Can it be over now?

Anonymous wrote:I take your words that your kids are kind and nice kids. I am sorry to say your posts in this thread sound judgemental and superior. I hope this is an anomaly. Otherwise, they didn't get the kindness from you.

And I'm sure many of you will say that you aren't pressuring your kids. But I've heard you before. I've heard you chastise your kid after a soccer game. I've heard you compare your kid's project to a classmate's project. I've heard you say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

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Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

Involved parents aren't "anxious" about HGC admittance or travel teams...those are competitive helicopter parents who are living vicariously through their children...typically because they weren't as accomplished during their own childhood. Trust me, we can pick you out of the crowd. You aren't doing any favors for your child.

So, if I am anxious about my kid's HGC or magnet acceptance, I am a bad parent? WTF?

Yep. You're likely creating a very stressful environment for your child, and that's not helpful. It can actually be quite harmful.

You need to strike the right balance: be nurturing and supportive, but realize that your child's accomplishments are their own.

I would love to see how your kids turn out.

Thanks for proving my point.

Why are you in competition with a stranger on dcum? How would you measure success between our kids? And why would you want to?

You ladies are truly nutty. I hope your kids don't end up in therapy. You remind me of a girl I went to school with who literally busted out a bottle of Advil every time a new project was assigned. Her mother did a number on her. They were in family therapy and individual therapy starting in middle school. Sure, she graduated from an Ivy...but she's single, childless, and essentially a broken person thanks to her mother's actions. Of course, there are other ways for children of controlling helicopter parents to rebel: eating disorders, drugs, sex, and suicide.

So, do you take total "hands-off" approach? How old is your kid and how is (s)he doing?

My oldest is in high school. Mostly straight As.

Middle schooler is a straight A student.

Elementary student is Ps with 1-2 ES per quarter.

They're fine. Bright, happy, athletic and well-rounded.

I'm a lawyer and was an excellent student who tested well. DH didn't test well and was a solid B (sometimes C) student. (By the way, DH out earns me...which should be a lesson to some of you who erroneously believe that grades and fancy schools are a golden ticket). Education matters to us, but we aren't creating a pressure cooker for our kids. We aren't pushing. We aren't demanding. We aren't setting unrealistic expectations. We don't feel anxious about anything. We realize that we had our own childhood, and that this is their childhood. Their accomplishments are their own---not mine.

And I'm sure many of you will say that you aren't pressuring your kids. But I've heard you before. I've heard you chastise your kid after a soccer game. I've heard you compare your kid's project to a classmate's project. I've heard you say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

My kids are being raised in an environment where they realize that kids who do a semester or two at MC before graduating from UMCP are on equal footing with the Blair kids who got free rides. That takes the pressure off. They know that DH and I aren't living vicariously through them and that we are always proud of them regardless of their grades and academic accomplishments. Ymmv (heck, I know it does after reading these threads).

Candidly, I derive the most pleasure from hearing compliments on how kind my kids are. From a very early age, my kids have been adept at carrying on conversations with adults, putting people at ease, and charming folks. They're the kids who stand up and introduce themselves when a person joins the group. They're the kids who jump up and offer their seat to an adult.

Last summer my oldest was mowing the lawn when the trash collector pulled up, and my son ran inside to grab water bottles for the men. He chatted with them for a few minutes before they moved on. My neighbor told me the story. That was a proud moment.

I'll beat the snarky comment from the haters by proactively saying that my son will not grow up to be a garbage collector. He's going to college and is on the fence about a career in philanthropy or as a sports agent. He's pushy in a fun way, so he would excel in either arena.

I'm not saying to ignore your child's education. I'm just observing a tremendous amount of angst and pressure that is completely unnecessary and often harmful.

The people who "win" at life typically weren't top of their class...think about that. And think about how you would define "winning at life" for your kids. My definition doesn't contemplate GPA at all.

Does anyone else read her description of her son and think she's raising a real life Eddie Haskil?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

Involved parents aren't "anxious" about HGC admittance or travel teams...those are competitive helicopter parents who are living vicariously through their children...typically because they weren't as accomplished during their own childhood. Trust me, we can pick you out of the crowd. You aren't doing any favors for your child.

So, if I am anxious about my kid's HGC or magnet acceptance, I am a bad parent? WTF?

Yep. You're likely creating a very stressful environment for your child, and that's not helpful. It can actually be quite harmful.

You need to strike the right balance: be nurturing and supportive, but realize that your child's accomplishments are their own.

I would love to see how your kids turn out.

Thanks for proving my point.

Why are you in competition with a stranger on dcum? How would you measure success between our kids? And why would you want to?

You ladies are truly nutty. I hope your kids don't end up in therapy. You remind me of a girl I went to school with who literally busted out a bottle of Advil every time a new project was assigned. Her mother did a number on her. They were in family therapy and individual therapy starting in middle school. Sure, she graduated from an Ivy...but she's single, childless, and essentially a broken person thanks to her mother's actions. Of course, there are other ways for children of controlling helicopter parents to rebel: eating disorders, drugs, sex, and suicide.

So, do you take total "hands-off" approach? How old is your kid and how is (s)he doing?

My oldest is in high school. Mostly straight As.

Middle schooler is a straight A student.

Elementary student is Ps with 1-2 ES per quarter.

They're fine. Bright, happy, athletic and well-rounded.

I'm a lawyer and was an excellent student who tested well. DH didn't test well and was a solid B (sometimes C) student. (By the way, DH out earns me...which should be a lesson to some of you who erroneously believe that grades and fancy schools are a golden ticket). Education matters to us, but we aren't creating a pressure cooker for our kids. We aren't pushing. We aren't demanding. We aren't setting unrealistic expectations. We don't feel anxious about anything. We realize that we had our own childhood, and that this is their childhood. Their accomplishments are their own---not mine.

And I'm sure many of you will say that you aren't pressuring your kids. But I've heard you before. I've heard you chastise your kid after a soccer game. I've heard you compare your kid's project to a classmate's project. I've heard you say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

My kids are being raised in an environment where they realize that kids who do a semester or two at MC before graduating from UMCP are on equal footing with the Blair kids who got free rides. That takes the pressure off. They know that DH and I aren't living vicariously through them and that we are always proud of them regardless of their grades and academic accomplishments. Ymmv (heck, I know it does after reading these threads).

Candidly, I derive the most pleasure from hearing compliments on how kind my kids are. From a very early age, my kids have been adept at carrying on conversations with adults, putting people at ease, and charming folks. They're the kids who stand up and introduce themselves when a person joins the group. They're the kids who jump up and offer their seat to an adult.

Last summer my oldest was mowing the lawn when the trash collector pulled up, and my son ran inside to grab water bottles for the men. He chatted with them for a few minutes before they moved on. My neighbor told me the story. That was a proud moment.

I'll beat the snarky comment from the haters by proactively saying that my son will not grow up to be a garbage collector. He's going to college and is on the fence about a career in philanthropy or as a sports agent. He's pushy in a fun way, so he would excel in either arena.

I'm not saying to ignore your child's education. I'm just observing a tremendous amount of angst and pressure that is completely unnecessary and often harmful.

The people who "win" at life typically weren't top of their class...think about that. And think about how you would define "winning at life" for your kids. My definition doesn't contemplate GPA at all.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

As an educator, I am more than horrified by some of the postings and apologize to my colleagues in higher ed who have to endure the bombardment of phone calls from crazy helicopter parents who cannot seem to cut the cord!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

If you actually have or know bright kids, you should realize that sometimes it is the brightest kids who need the most parent involvement. Truly bright can equate to being disorganized, not motivated, distorted sense of how much work is involved to do well...

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I get the reaction.

I could have made my point better, or not tried to make it at all.

Maybe if I just hadn't said the part about my kid getting in, but said the rest. Different reaction, I would think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

Involved parents aren't "anxious" about HGC admittance or travel teams...those are competitive helicopter parents who are living vicariously through their children...typically because they weren't as accomplished during their own childhood. Trust me, we can pick you out of the crowd. You aren't doing any favors for your child.

So, if I am anxious about my kid's HGC or magnet acceptance, I am a bad parent? WTF?

Yep. You're likely creating a very stressful environment for your child, and that's not helpful. It can actually be quite harmful.

You need to strike the right balance: be nurturing and supportive, but realize that your child's accomplishments are their own.

I would love to see how your kids turn out.

Thanks for proving my point.

Why are you in competition with a stranger on dcum? How would you measure success between our kids? And why would you want to?

You ladies are truly nutty. I hope your kids don't end up in therapy. You remind me of a girl I went to school with who literally busted out a bottle of Advil every time a new project was assigned. Her mother did a number on her. They were in family therapy and individual therapy starting in middle school. Sure, she graduated from an Ivy...but she's single, childless, and essentially a broken person thanks to her mother's actions. Of course, there are other ways for children of controlling helicopter parents to rebel: eating disorders, drugs, sex, and suicide.

So, do you take total "hands-off" approach? How old is your kid and how is (s)he doing?

Thanks for proving my point.

Why are you in competition with a stranger on dcum? How would you measure success between our kids? And why would you want to?

You ladies are truly nutty. I hope your kids don't end up in therapy. You remind me of a girl I went to school with who literally busted out a bottle of Advil every time a new project was assigned. Her mother did a number on her. They were in family therapy and individual therapy starting in middle school. Sure, she graduated from an Ivy...but she's single, childless, and essentially a broken person thanks to her mother's actions. Of course, there are other ways for children of controlling helicopter parents to rebel: eating disorders, drugs, sex, and suicide.

Anonymous wrote:congratulations on successfully and brilliantly illustrating the meaning of a "humble brag."

someone should screen shot this post and copy it when people ask what a humble brag is.