Anonymous wrote:Friends of my parents go by Poops and Grumps.

POOPS AND GRUMPS.

Hahaha! Love that! I bet they're the fun grandparents.

My mom is the only grandma my son has and she still had angst in deciding what she wanted to be called. She tried a few different things, but they didn't stick. My son calls her grandma.

My parents were wishy-washy about choosing their grandparent titles, so over almost two decades of grandkids being born, they got multiple names, according to which grandchild it is. A mess. I'm thinking ahead for what I'd prefer to be called, but I won't make a fuss if a grandchild calls me some wacky made-up name like Blompie or whatever.

All of my grandparents were Grandma/Grandpa to their faces, and their last names were tagged on, to clarify things, if talking about them at other times. They were all from the same area, similar backgrounds, so it was easy. When you mix families where grandparents typically have different standard names, then more than likely, you're going to end up being called whatever the dominant spouse uses when referring to you, unless you are clear right away as to what you want your grandparent name to be.

Maybe I will choose Blompie.

Lol. Sorry to laugh, my mom did the same thing. It was so annoying. She was way more focused on what the kids called her than the actual kids. I finally had to say just that to her. She's crazy though.

I got a chuckle out of this thread. MIL tried to do something similar when the first grandchild was born -- fortunately, SIL told us what MIL really wanted to be called so we just called her that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it "GrandMAma" or "GrandmaMAH"?

OP, it would annoy me, but I would probably try to grit my teeth and work with her on this. She's going to be around for a long time, and if this really does bother her you wouldn't want that affecting her relationship with your DD1, would you? Just roll your eyes to yourself, complain here to us, but try to dig for some compassion and see if you can turn her into "Grandmama" for everybody. She seems very confused about this, and there's something odd going on there that might warrant your sympathy.

GrandMAma.

Here's what--I won't not try. Which is actually tempting. But I just can't see myself making a huge effort on this. For myself or my kids.

She creates problems, and then hand-wrings. She invited people to our wedding before plans were made, without asking, when she wasn't hosting. And got put out that she had to in-invite. She knew I had already had our wedding invite professionally framed, and then she ordered a framed copy for us, and was put out when we said thanks but we like the one we already have, and don't need two.

Ah, so something that sounds like "Mama"? Gah.

You have my permssion not to try. Too many shenanigans.

"MIL, it's really too late. Larla knows you as ____, and let's just leave it at that."

I don't get the grandparent moniker angst. My parents are grandma and grandpa and so are my in-laws. If we need to differentiate when discussing the grandparents with the kids we append a name. But the kids don't use the name when speaking to their grandparents.
My parents do get referred to as grandma and grandpa "smith" while the in-laws are grandma and grandpa "first names". That is just a difference in how my husband and I were raised referring to our own grandparents. No big deal to anyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine wants to be called Grandmother Last Name. It is so weird. She is lower middle class.

That's what my grandmother wanted to be called, and was called. But she was not lower middle class. I just thought it was something very old-fashioned.

Both my southern grandmothers were Grandmother LastName, but Grandmother to their faces. And I was extremely close to both, so it's not like the formal name inhibited our relationships or anything. My mom is now Grandmommy and MIL is Grandma. I agree with OP, just pick a name!

Man, now I'm all nostalgic about the Grandmothers I adored (damn pregnancy hormones). The relationship you have with your grandparents is obviously more important than whatever name you call them. OP's MIL should know this and relax her iron grip on her craziness.

I have a version of this. My parents are divorced and my mom has an original Gma name. My dad's wife is Grandma Linda. My MIL has always just been Grandma to her one other grandchild whose father is not involved in her life (thus doesn't see his parents). But in my family, we always used Grandma FirstName for anyone who doesn't express a preference. So my MIL is Grandma Susan to our kids. She hates it and tries to become JUST Grandma. Even though there are 2 other women (a family friend and my step-mother) who are also grandmas. It's annoying she's annoyed by it.

I try to drop the first name around her, but in private I always call her Grandma Susan. It's part of a long history of her pretending my family doesn't exist, so that's the rub for sure.

Anonymous wrote:Is it "GrandMAma" or "GrandmaMAH"?

OP, it would annoy me, but I would probably try to grit my teeth and work with her on this. She's going to be around for a long time, and if this really does bother her you wouldn't want that affecting her relationship with your DD1, would you? Just roll your eyes to yourself, complain here to us, but try to dig for some compassion and see if you can turn her into "Grandmama" for everybody. She seems very confused about this, and there's something odd going on there that might warrant your sympathy.

GrandMAma.

Here's what--I won't not try. Which is actually tempting. But I just can't see myself making a huge effort on this. For myself or my kids.

She creates problems, and then hand-wrings. She invited people to our wedding before plans were made, without asking, when she wasn't hosting. And got put out that she had to in-invite. She knew I had already had our wedding invite professionally framed, and then she ordered a framed copy for us, and was put out when we said thanks but we like the one we already have, and don't need two.

Is it "GrandMAma" or "GrandmaMAH"?

OP, it would annoy me, but I would probably try to grit my teeth and work with her on this. She's going to be around for a long time, and if this really does bother her you wouldn't want that affecting her relationship with your DD1, would you? Just roll your eyes to yourself, complain here to us, but try to dig for some compassion and see if you can turn her into "Grandmama" for everybody. She seems very confused about this, and there's something odd going on there that might warrant your sympathy.

Anonymous wrote:I think it was kind of nice, actually that she gave up her preferred name out of deference to her own mother/MIL. It's probably what made her so indecisive earlier. Make an effort to call her what she wants and encourage your daughter to do so as well.

Calling someone by their chosen name is really the least you can to treat them with respect.

Actually, not making a spectacle of yourself and not making people jump through hoops for you = respect. If it really were about Grandmama, there wouldn't have been so many other names at play.

I think it was kind of nice, actually that she gave up her preferred name out of deference to her own mother/MIL. It's probably what made her so indecisive earlier. Make an effort to call her what she wants and encourage your daughter to do so as well.

Calling someone by their chosen name is really the least you can to treat them with respect.

My MIL wanted to be called by her mother's grandma name -- we'll just say, "Nana," for anonymity's sake. Fine. No problem. I refer to her as, "Nana," and she corrects my pronunciation! "It's not, 'Nana,' it's, 'Nana.'" Mhmmm. Ok. So annoying.

Call her Sarah. What a nut job.