Anonymous
03/13/2016 10:49
Subject: Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We've tried it before and found that our needs get tromped on by controlling MIL and inconsiderate SIL despite us having little kids and -- I would argue -- more right to guide schedules and such.
Maybe if I had unlimited vacation time, if they were paying, if I had other truly relaxing vacations lined up -- maybe I would do it for the sake of my kids and their relationships with these people. But otherwise, probably not.
Given your entitled attitude that you are more important bc you have kids, I can see why you don't get along.
No, I agree with PP. We do extended family vacations all the time and it only works if everyone can be considerate of the needs of small children and the elderly when a whole group event is planned. That can be balanced with grown-up nights out, and the occasional dinner where the new parent (usually happily) stays home and goes to bed early with the kids, or grandma babysits one night while the parents go out, kids eat early/grown ups eat late, etc. If anyone the group is not flexible about the needs of kids, it can be very stressful. If you are such a person, you should reconsider going on vacation with a family with small kids.
Anonymous
03/13/2016 10:23
Subject: Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
We've never been on a family vacation without the in laws. Our vacations always include one or the other side of the family, sometimes both. I think we'd be kind of bored without the whole gang.
Anonymous
03/13/2016 10:04
Subject: Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We've tried it before and found that our needs get tromped on by controlling MIL and inconsiderate SIL despite us having little kids and -- I would argue -- more right to guide schedules and such.
Maybe if I had unlimited vacation time, if they were paying, if I had other truly relaxing vacations lined up -- maybe I would do it for the sake of my kids and their relationships with these people. But otherwise, probably not.
Given your entitled attitude that you are more important bc you have kids, I can see why you don't get along.
I get what pp means. She's not more important because she has kids and sil doesn't, but I'm guessing that sil has no clue what it's like to have kids on a vacation. We have vacationed with in laws in the past and they're self centered. "Let's have dinner at 8:30" for example. my kids go to bed At 8, I don't mind keeping them up later on vacation, but not starting until 8 will spell poor behavior on their part that night and the next day because they don't sleep in. So then they're miserable and Dh and I are miserable for having to manage the meltdowns, and then the in laws are judgmental that the kids are out of control. All because sil wants dinner at 8p instead of 6:30. Why can't 1 person be flexible so that 4 people could have a better vacation? Before I had kids I did travel with a friend with kids and I was accommodating to them and the mom (my college friend) was extremely grateful. It's not a single no kids thing perse, it's someone who doesn't get that kids need a certain schedule. So if sil isn't hungry at 6:30 is it that hard for her to come along and order a soup and then have something to go later? No, but some people dig their heels in and don't see that their comforts don't trump the rest of the worlds.
PP. Thank you. This is exactly what I meant. It's pretty standard practice in my friend group to make some concessions to those with the youngest/neediest child. I gladly do this too when that person is not me, too.
Anonymous
03/13/2016 08:19
Subject: Re:Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
Yes. To help with the baby
Anonymous
03/13/2016 07:04
Subject: Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We've tried it before and found that our needs get tromped on by controlling MIL and inconsiderate SIL despite us having little kids and -- I would argue -- more right to guide schedules and such.
Maybe if I had unlimited vacation time, if they were paying, if I had other truly relaxing vacations lined up -- maybe I would do it for the sake of my kids and their relationships with these people. But otherwise, probably not.
Given your entitled attitude that you are more important bc you have kids, I can see why you don't get along.
I get what pp means. She's not more important because she has kids and sil doesn't, but I'm guessing that sil has no clue what it's like to have kids on a vacation. We have vacationed with in laws in the past and they're self centered. "Let's have dinner at 8:30" for example. my kids go to bed At 8, I don't mind keeping them up later on vacation, but not starting until 8 will spell poor behavior on their part that night and the next day because they don't sleep in. So then they're miserable and Dh and I are miserable for having to manage the meltdowns, and then the in laws are judgmental that the kids are out of control. All because sil wants dinner at 8p instead of 6:30. Why can't 1 person be flexible so that 4 people could have a better vacation? Before I had kids I did travel with a friend with kids and I was accommodating to them and the mom (my college friend) was extremely grateful. It's not a single no kids thing perse, it's someone who doesn't get that kids need a certain schedule. So if sil isn't hungry at 6:30 is it that hard for her to come along and order a soup and then have something to go later? No, but some people dig their heels in and don't see that their comforts don't trump the rest of the worlds.
Anonymous
03/13/2016 06:38
Subject: Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
I would love to go on vacation with my brothers wives and kids. They are awesome people. On the other hand, in-laws from DH side are monsters and there is no way DH and I would ever consider.
Anonymous
03/12/2016 22:40
Subject: Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
I would be good with either (and have been with both).
Anonymous
03/12/2016 22:35
Subject: Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:In a perfect world I would have 6 weeks of vacation like the Europeans do.
1 week with DH's parents (I don't enjoy it at all)
1 week with my parents ( I enjoy 4 days of it the rest is too much)
2 weeks with just DH and kids (heaven)
1 week sprinkled through the year for getaways with DH, mental health days, and other random but necessary stuff
1 week at Christmas
I hear you, but given we don't live in Europe, what gives? I struggle so much with that decision.
That's why spending your one precious week with passive aggressive bullshit sucks so so much.
Anonymous
03/12/2016 22:33
Subject: Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:In a perfect world I would have 6 weeks of vacation like the Europeans do.
1 week with DH's parents (I don't enjoy it at all)
1 week with my parents ( I enjoy 4 days of it the rest is too much)
2 weeks with just DH and kids (heaven)
1 week sprinkled through the year for getaways with DH, mental health days, and other random but necessary stuff
1 week at Christmas
I hear you, but given we don't live in Europe, what gives? I struggle so much with that decision.
Anonymous
03/12/2016 22:23
Subject: Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
In a perfect world I would have 6 weeks of vacation like the Europeans do.
1 week with DH's parents (I don't enjoy it at all)
1 week with my parents ( I enjoy 4 days of it the rest is too much)
2 weeks with just DH and kids (heaven)
1 week sprinkled through the year for getaways with DH, mental health days, and other random but necessary stuff
1 week at Christmas
1 week with DH's parents (I don't enjoy it at all)
1 week with my parents ( I enjoy 4 days of it the rest is too much)
2 weeks with just DH and kids (heaven)
1 week sprinkled through the year for getaways with DH, mental health days, and other random but necessary stuff
1 week at Christmas
Anonymous
03/12/2016 22:16
Subject: Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
Fuck to the no.
Anonymous
03/12/2016 22:12
Subject: Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We've tried it before and found that our needs get tromped on by controlling MIL and inconsiderate SIL despite us having little kids and -- I would argue -- more right to guide schedules and such.
Maybe if I had unlimited vacation time, if they were paying, if I had other truly relaxing vacations lined up -- maybe I would do it for the sake of my kids and their relationships with these people. But otherwise, probably not.
Given your entitled attitude that you are more important bc you have kids, I can see why you don't get along.
SIL/BIL have kids too but late elementary school. I don't think it's unreasonable when I have toddlers for the group to have dinner earlier than 8 p.m. which is my kids bedtime, for example.
Anonymous
03/12/2016 22:00
Subject: Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
I don't enjoy MIL's company...but they are awesome with the kids and basically take them off our hands so it becomes a win-win.
We having been able hit it down the middle and they join us for a few days vs spending an entire week together
We having been able hit it down the middle and they join us for a few days vs spending an entire week together
Anonymous
03/12/2016 22:00
Subject: Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:We've tried it before and found that our needs get tromped on by controlling MIL and inconsiderate SIL despite us having little kids and -- I would argue -- more right to guide schedules and such.
Maybe if I had unlimited vacation time, if they were paying, if I had other truly relaxing vacations lined up -- maybe I would do it for the sake of my kids and their relationships with these people. But otherwise, probably not.
Given your entitled attitude that you are more important bc you have kids, I can see why you don't get along.
Anonymous
03/12/2016 21:54
Subject: Would you want your in laws to join your family vacation?
I vacation each year with MIL, stepFIL and BILs (and girlfriends). It's fine and usually fun. I would never want to vacation with FIL and stepMIL (really just not FIL), but would be fine with stepBILs. Basically, it's the person not the IL designation.