Anonymous
Post 03/11/2016 08:11     Subject: I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
OP, when DD (now 6) was 2, I felt the same way. Leaving the workforce wasn't an option for our family, financially, but I was exhausted all of the time and I started the most important project of my entire career so far at that point. It was awful and I always felt like I was letting someone down and I was always tired.

But here's the thing: I got through it. If you don't want to leave the workforce, don't, but shorten your hours if you have to or push for more flexibility (I work a lot after bedtime). None of it is ideal but it's how I learned to make things work and now we are expected another child. This isn't something we would have been ready for even a year ago.
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2016 08:09     Subject: I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
Anonymous wrote:I'm absolutely drowning. I called my mom today because I was at my breaking point and she basically told me to man up and that my SIL doesn't have these issues I do. No, because she's a SAHM!!!!! That sounds awful and it's not to diminish what she does, but all of my problelms now are due to being a working mom. I told her this, and she said, "Well, I guess you shouldn't be working."

And she's right. I can't be even a decent mother as soon as I continue to work, but I don't want to quit. I like working and it keeps me sane. So what is it? Do I keep working and be a terrible mother, or do I quit and be an even worse mom? I feel stuck.


Where is your DH in all this?
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2016 08:08     Subject: I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
Anonymous wrote:One child, 2.

I know. I'm a total failure for not being able to handle one two year old.


hahahaha

YES

Do you want to have more? How do you expect to handle that when you can't even manage one???????????????
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2016 08:08     Subject: Re:I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
She's right. You do need to man up. Shit or get off the pot. In any case, stop whining. You're an adult. Figure your shit out.
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2016 07:45     Subject: I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP something is missing here:

You telework 90%
1 child
Every other week cleaning service

Is your child in preschool or daycare?
Where is you SO in all of this?


Yes this. What is your daily schedule like? Since you aren't commuting, I'd imagine you have some time to do errands etc instead of that. Does your DH/SO do any child care at all?


Agree we need more details OP. We can't offer suggestions if we don't understand your situation more. Where is the kids while you are working? What hours does your partner work? How to you share child care and household responsibilities?
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2016 07:29     Subject: I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
Anonymous wrote:OP something is missing here:

You telework 90%
1 child
Every other week cleaning service

Is your child in preschool or daycare?
Where is you SO in all of this?


Yes this. What is your daily schedule like? Since you aren't commuting, I'd imagine you have some time to do errands etc instead of that. Does your DH/SO do any child care at all?
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2016 07:12     Subject: I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
OP something is missing here:

You telework 90%
1 child
Every other week cleaning service

Is your child in preschool or daycare?
Where is you SO in all of this?
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2016 06:37     Subject: I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
I used to cry to my mom about being a Sahm, my oldest was HARD and I felt devalued and lonely.

The grass is greener, sahm's don't have it all, they can just get dinner on the table earlier.

Your mom sounds toxic, I would distance myself from her. Can you outsource some? Cleaning, cooking?
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2016 05:32     Subject: I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you telework some, or reduce your hours slightly? I work 35 hours a week and telework one day a week, and it really helps.


I telework about 90% but it doesn't help with the errands I just can't get done. For example, I've been sick on and off for two weeks but DC was too and got the doctor visit. I haven't been able to squeeze one in for me.

I can't reduce my hours.


OP, staying at home is or can be just as stressful as working. Some people just prefer one over the other. I was stressed out pumping, working and running around. Now, I can't keep up with the 3 year old at home who trashes the house constantly and we can still only make 2-3 stops during the day (including the store and a kid-friensly activity). I would have to take screaming DD to my doctors appt, too. There aren't doctor visits for SAHM's any more than their are for working moms.

You still can't run many errands with a kid at home. Maybe one or two, but then you can' do other errands. You pick the most important ones, but you are with this whining, running, meddling (cute) kid all day, so you chose carefully.

This is what "having it all" feels like. It is 6 in one basket and half a dozen in the other. We all have to accept what we can do, let go of the rest, and try really hard when we have those super hero spurts. Forgive yourself when you can't and just survive.


Well, the doctor thing is more work than not getting an appointment. Yes, it's impossible to get appointments, but I could go to urgent care - if I hadn't already taken a half day to take DC in. My manager is less than understanding about this stuff.


You know urgent care is open after work is over, right? If you can't leave your 2 year old with your DH/SO to go to urgent care, your issue isn't staying at home.
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2016 05:31     Subject: Re:I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
Things probably seem more tough now because you're sick. My whole family is sick now and I know I need to go to the doctor but I feel totally overwhelmed with work and taking care of them. I bet you will feel better when you're well. And find someone else to vent to besides your mother. She doesn't Sound supportive.
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2016 05:20     Subject: I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
Your mom sucks and are you a single mom? If not, your spouse needs to step up.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2016 23:21     Subject: I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
You need to stop talking to your mother about this stuff. She is clearly not supportive. Cut yourself some slack, if you have funds figure out what you can pay for, think about whether there is a less demanding job that would make you happy. But more to the point, you don't say what the problem is. Do you not have enough time for everything? Is your child really spirited and hard to handle? Do you have a partner and does he/she help?
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2016 23:06     Subject: I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is your husband doing to help you out?


This question reveals the problem - that Moms are supposed to carry the burden of childcare while Dads just "help". Why women continue to have babies is crazy. Women should go on strike by refusing to have kids until society makes huge changes in this messed-up attitude.


I'm also penalized at work because I'm a woman. But I'm not going to sacrifice my own career ambition (or desire to have kids) to punish men.


Then, are you okay with pulling more weight with the kids? In ALL of the families I know, with WOHM, WAHM, PT, FT, and SAHM, the Dads are helpers while the Mom bears most of the burden of childcare. For example, why do school nurses always call Mom when a child gets sick - never Dad?

Anonymous
Post 03/10/2016 22:48     Subject: I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is your husband doing to help you out?


This question reveals the problem - that Moms are supposed to carry the burden of childcare while Dads just "help". Why women continue to have babies is crazy. Women should go on strike by refusing to have kids until society makes huge changes in this messed-up attitude.


I'm also penalized at work because I'm a woman. But I'm not going to sacrifice my own career ambition (or desire to have kids) to punish men.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2016 22:44     Subject: I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option
Anonymous wrote:What is your husband doing to help you out?


This question reveals the problem - that Moms are supposed to carry the burden of childcare while Dads just "help". Why women continue to have babies is crazy. Women should go on strike by refusing to have kids until society makes huge changes in this messed-up attitude.