Anonymous wrote:I don't think facetime is that important. But 3:30 is WAY too early to leave. I still have a lot of meetings in the 4pm hour. I would be upset if my coworkers were all leaving that early. What about putting the kids in aftercare?

This is yet another reason it's ridiculous for the schools to have a significantly shorter day than working parents. Schools need to go until 4 or 4:30 to accommodate parents.

School is not daycare, loser.

Why can't people understand that?

I work at a really leftwing agency but nonetheless, some women (with kids) get very judgmental about and make fun of dads there who take parental leave following the birth of a child , or leave for school pickups, activities, and the like. Sexism and gender "normative" roles are so embedded in our strange, sad country.

I just went from a nonprofit job where I felt like I was leaving early ducking out at 5:30, to a corporate job, where people come in early and are gone by 3:30. SO different.

Two cents - it totally depends on the work culture. I'd say over 50% of my colleagues get to work by 6:00 and leave at 3:30 so they can dodge traffic. They flex one day off every pay period.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I get to the office at 7, and am available by phone and email anytime.

But consensus is 3:30 is too early? Kids being in aftercare till 5 seems like crazy long day.

Ok, new question, how do I ramp up my career so DW can stay home? I came from a small town and my parents were barely lower middle class -- I really have no idea how to hustle especially now that we have kids? I worked hard early on but I thought a salary of 70k was amazing, bc my parents home cost less than that. There's been a hard lesson on how life is in 'real' world outside my dying home town.

We want to prioritize our kids, but need to have money to live off, and around here that means two working parents for those of us without 'BIG' career...

It's not. tens of thousands of kids do this everyday. Some even to 6pm. Kids often beg to be able to continue playing with their friends even after you show up to pick them up.

Ridiculous. Just because many kids have to stay at aftercare late to accomodate their parents' work schedules, doesn't mean this is good for them. They've already had a long day at school. They need to have downtime and alone time - neither of which they can get if they're staying at aftercare until 6pm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think facetime is that important. But 3:30 is WAY too early to leave. I still have a lot of meetings in the 4pm hour. I would be upset if my coworkers were all leaving that early. What about putting the kids in aftercare?

This is yet another reason it's ridiculous for the schools to have a significantly shorter day than working parents. Schools need to go until 4 or 4:30 to accommodate parents.

Will you listen to yourself? That is a long day for kids. Why not put an effort into changing the culture of these offices? Everyone is clamoring for "family friendly" but when it comes down to it they want to preserve work at all costs and make kids pay for it. Work should be the flexible one here. It can happen but everyone is to busy being suckers.

+1
My kids' elementary school already dismisses at 4pm and it is a very long day for them. Why should kids have to pay the price for parents wanting/needing to work later? School is not daycare.

If everyone else arrives at 9 and works until 5 or later then I think you will get dinged for leaving at 330. But there are other jobs like PP mentioned where it is more common. It matters a lot whether it is seen as the norm in your office to leave early (unfortunately.) I've had alternative work arrangements in the past that are different than my peers and I am very vocal about it so everyone understands what was agreed to so it doesn't seem like I'm doing something that is not permissible. Overall, though OP, sounds like you might want to consider living outside DC so you get more balance

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single dad who runs a large department. I am absolutely out the door at 5. And I am pretty flexible when it comes to getting work done. The big thing is results. Good managers know this. Paranoid managers or under performing managers use facetime as a metric to cull the herd and cover their own poor performance.

What I will say is suddenly becoming a single parent of small children has fundamental changed my views of feminism, work place discrimination and the "mom" tax so many women pay. It is the one good thing I can point to when I think about my situation.

5 is completely different than 3:30. School in MoCo ends at 3:45 (most schools), an hour, hour and a half of aftercare is not harmful. My daughter gets a snack, recess, does homework, and then had more free time with her friends.

An alternative work schedule where one parent works and leaves early is also acceptable, but you are kidding yourself if you want to get ahead and leave at 3:30 each day.

PP here. Honestly, I am going to have to grapple with this. My children are 1.5 and 3.5. But I will have to figure out something when the kids go to school and it's going to likely be pushing that 5 pm sharp exit to a 4 p.m. exit. It is what it is. But I do work after the kids go to bed for hours. I agree there's no big issue with aftercare, but if you can't get in then it's tough.

I'm also fortunate because my job rallied around me when my wife passed away. Not everyone is so lucky. I've realized that you sometimes need to pay it forward and be the change you want to be. I know in this year of utter hell, the two things I've managed to do well is my job and raise my kids. I wouldn't have been able to do either if I didn't step back and really try to squeeze the square peg into the circle.

ES age kids really are different than 1.5 and 3.5 year olds. I know it seems hard to imagine them staying at school until 5pm but, at least in my experience, with a good aftercare program they really do like it. That's when they get the unstructured playtime that they don't otherwise get at school since recess is so short. My DD is now in 5th grade and DH has started to WAH but we still have her in extended day 3-days a week because that's where her best friends are and she wants to hang out with them after school. We will have plenty of family and quiet time (older kids also go to bed later).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single dad who runs a large department. I am absolutely out the door at 5. And I am pretty flexible when it comes to getting work done. The big thing is results. Good managers know this. Paranoid managers or under performing managers use facetime as a metric to cull the herd and cover their own poor performance.

What I will say is suddenly becoming a single parent of small children has fundamental changed my views of feminism, work place discrimination and the "mom" tax so many women pay. It is the one good thing I can point to when I think about my situation.

5 is completely different than 3:30. School in MoCo ends at 3:45 (most schools), an hour, hour and a half of aftercare is not harmful. My daughter gets a snack, recess, does homework, and then had more free time with her friends.

An alternative work schedule where one parent works and leaves early is also acceptable, but you are kidding yourself if you want to get ahead and leave at 3:30 each day.

PP here. Honestly, I am going to have to grapple with this. My children are 1.5 and 3.5. But I will have to figure out something when the kids go to school and it's going to likely be pushing that 5 pm sharp exit to a 4 p.m. exit. It is what it is. But I do work after the kids go to bed for hours. I agree there's no big issue with aftercare, but if you can't get in then it's tough.

I'm also fortunate because my job rallied around me when my wife passed away. Not everyone is so lucky. I've realized that you sometimes need to pay it forward and be the change you want to be. I know in this year of utter hell, the two things I've managed to do well is my job and raise my kids. I wouldn't have been able to do either if I didn't step back and really try to squeeze the square peg into the circle.

It's easier for a woman than a man, in my experience, but if you've put in your time and aren't looking to advance like crazy in the near future, you're probably ok.

If you can, alternate with your wife. Or do M-W-F leaving work at 3:30 and then T-Th aftercare.

It works really well in my office, this is pretty common with both men and women. It's not just for kids, it's for commuting purposes. If you are the ONLY person with the alternative schedule, I can see that causing problems. But my office is pretty much full by 7:30am and a ghost town at 4pm. Meetings are in the mornings generally. I am a gov't contractor, lots of ex-military, they all LOVE early mornings.

My DH has a different office culture and most people don't come in until 9am. So yeah, I do think he gets dinged when he leaves at 4:30, even though he's there at 7:30am. I think that has less to do with him being a man and more to do with his office culture.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single dad who runs a large department. I am absolutely out the door at 5. And I am pretty flexible when it comes to getting work done. The big thing is results. Good managers know this. Paranoid managers or under performing managers use facetime as a metric to cull the herd and cover their own poor performance.

What I will say is suddenly becoming a single parent of small children has fundamental changed my views of feminism, work place discrimination and the "mom" tax so many women pay. It is the one good thing I can point to when I think about my situation.

5 is completely different than 3:30. School in MoCo ends at 3:45 (most schools), an hour, hour and a half of aftercare is not harmful. My daughter gets a snack, recess, does homework, and then had more free time with her friends.

An alternative work schedule where one parent works and leaves early is also acceptable, but you are kidding yourself if you want to get ahead and leave at 3:30 each day.

So you want to watch her pick them up or her watch you pick them up? I don't understand. School pickup is not exciting.

I'm a single dad who runs a large department. I am absolutely out the door at 5. And I am pretty flexible when it comes to getting work done. The big thing is results. Good managers know this. Paranoid managers or under performing managers use facetime as a metric to cull the herd and cover their own poor performance.

What I will say is suddenly becoming a single parent of small children has fundamental changed my views of feminism, work place discrimination and the "mom" tax so many women pay. It is the one good thing I can point to when I think about my situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It totally depends on the office. I work part time, leaving at 2;30 every day so that I can pick up the kids. My coworkers and bosses have been extremely supportive. I make sure to call in from home and check email when needed, but even that is pretty rare. And I received a promotion about six months ago and still get the assignments/projects that I should be getting.
That said, I worked for this group for 11 years before I went part time, so before I went part time, I'd already proven myself as a reliable member of the team who makes some key contributions.

Are you DW or DH?

I've found such arrangements more likely when the mom asks than the dad, from my experience, which is why I ask.

I'm the wife. And that's actually a really interesting point... my office mate when I first started here was a dad who worked part time. He's the only part time guy that I can think of in our group. At the time I was still full time so didn't pay too much attention to the logistics, but he did mention a few times that he felt like when moms said they had to leave for a sick kid or couldn't make a meeting because it was their day off, that everyone was really supportive, but that he got the occasional eye roll or push back.
I really would love to see more dads doing flex time/part time - it would be a huge benefit for everyone to normalize those schedules for whichever parent wants it in any given family!