No, you're not a jerk. Contrary to popular opinion, college is not a necessity. Sure, a degree may open up opportunities in certain jobs or professions, but perhaps your child will not even be interested in those. There are so many other trades, skills, jobs and professions out there that your child will be able to learn and support themselves and a family in the future without even going to college. (Trade schools, 2 year programs, apprenticeships etc.) And don't force them into going to college or make them feel like they won't be successful if they don't go.

There are successful hardworking grateful adults in honest decent paying jobs that don't have a degree. There are also spoiled spoon fed adults who squandered their parents money in college partying sitting in the same administrative positions as those who paid $0 for schooling.

When your child reaches that age, they can make the necessary arrangements to move out the house, get married, go off into the military all without your approval because they will be an adult. If they decide to go to college, they can also make the decision as an adult and the necessary arrangements to pay for it.

Sell a rental property when your child needs money for school. Problem solved.

In my view, "can't help" financially with college is completely different than "won't help." If it's within your means, yes, you should help your child with college. It doesn't have to be the full cost, but to not help at all with a paid off home and significant other financial assets (rental properties) would be jerky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but I don't get it. Doesn't rat race mean that you had a stressful well-paying job or something like that? Where's the money?
I'm poor but I'll help my boys to pay for college since I have nothing better to do with my income.

Op here. So what happened is we moved when DS was born and I have been unemployed for a year. We are in a lower cost of living area, but lower salaries too. However, the money I saved when working, I'd like to use to buy a house in cash. DH will continue to work FT, and I will try to find a PT job that can cover additional retirement contribution plus vacation/travel and college contributions. I feel like we could have a nice life with this arrangement.

OP, this has nothing to do with being a jerk or not at this point.

It has to do with being wise about how you use the money you have.

You are prioritizing buying a house in cash over putting money into retirement or college savings? No, no, no. Why do you think this is a wise idea?

Honestly we are doing ok on retirement, DH has a pension, I have rental properties that will generate income down the road. I just like the idea of having a paid off house and not being a slave to a mortgage. I'm also a bit of a conspiracy theorist when it comes to mortgages. I feel like home ownership is the American Dream" that makes financial institutions rich- it's like 30 years of indentured servitude. Can you imagine not having a mortgage...it would be so amazing! Plus my son would inherit the house as well as 1m worth of paid off DC rental properties in great areas of the city, plus my life insurance policy.

Um. Okay, so you could easily pay for college for your kid while still downsizing now. Just sell a rental property when kid is 18 and BAM, college payment done. I'm confused.

yes this. sounds like you have lots of options to me.

OP, you don't need to make this decision now. Have a 5 year plan that allows you to stay home. Put down a significant down payment but still have a small mortgage. When your child is in Kindergarten, go back to work. That paycheck should be able to entirely fund retirement and school costs.
Good luck

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but I don't get it. Doesn't rat race mean that you had a stressful well-paying job or something like that? Where's the money?
I'm poor but I'll help my boys to pay for college since I have nothing better to do with my income.

Op here. So what happened is we moved when DS was born and I have been unemployed for a year. We are in a lower cost of living area, but lower salaries too. However, the money I saved when working, I'd like to use to buy a house in cash. DH will continue to work FT, and I will try to find a PT job that can cover additional retirement contribution plus vacation/travel and college contributions. I feel like we could have a nice life with this arrangement.

OP, this has nothing to do with being a jerk or not at this point.

It has to do with being wise about how you use the money you have.

You are prioritizing buying a house in cash over putting money into retirement or college savings? No, no, no. Why do you think this is a wise idea?

Honestly we are doing ok on retirement, DH has a pension, I have rental properties that will generate income down the road. I just like the idea of having a paid off house and not being a slave to a mortgage. I'm also a bit of a conspiracy theorist when it comes to mortgages. I feel like home ownership is the American Dream" that makes financial institutions rich- it's like 30 years of indentured servitude. Can you imagine not having a mortgage...it would be so amazing! Plus my son would inherit the house as well as 1m worth of paid off DC rental properties in great areas of the city, plus my life insurance policy.

Um. Okay, so you could easily pay for college for your kid while still downsizing now. Just sell a rental property when kid is 18 and BAM, college payment done. I'm confused.

Yes.

Op here. So what happened is we moved when DS was born and I have been unemployed for a year. We are in a lower cost of living area, but lower salaries too. However, the money I saved when working, I'd like to use to buy a house in cash. DH will continue to work FT, and I will try to find a PT job that can cover additional retirement contribution plus vacation/travel and college contributions. I feel like we could have a nice life with this arrangement.

I was on your side OP that in general you don't "have" to put saving for college completely above all else but now with more information from you, yes, I do think you are a jerk. Get job. Your going to take it easy while DW works full time? You do sound selfish.

I have a job. My job is to raise my 14 month old son pp.

My gosh, OP, just SAH - it's obviously what you want to do, and I'm sure it would be wonderful for your son. (BTW I'm a WOHM by choice, but different strokes...) You have quite a bit of time before you have to fund college for your kid, and the fact that you are already worrying about it now indicates to me that you guys will do a fine job of helping out your son when the time comes. If you are selfish, then half the families with SAH parents are too!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but I don't get it. Doesn't rat race mean that you had a stressful well-paying job or something like that? Where's the money?
I'm poor but I'll help my boys to pay for college since I have nothing better to do with my income.

Op here. So what happened is we moved when DS was born and I have been unemployed for a year. We are in a lower cost of living area, but lower salaries too. However, the money I saved when working, I'd like to use to buy a house in cash. DH will continue to work FT, and I will try to find a PT job that can cover additional retirement contribution plus vacation/travel and college contributions. I feel like we could have a nice life with this arrangement.

I was on your side OP that in general you don't "have" to put saving for college completely above all else but now with more information from you, yes, I do think you are a jerk. Get job. Your going to take it easy while DW works full time? You do sound selfish.

I have a job. My job is to raise my 14 month old son pp.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but I don't get it. Doesn't rat race mean that you had a stressful well-paying job or something like that? Where's the money?
I'm poor but I'll help my boys to pay for college since I have nothing better to do with my income.

Op here. So what happened is we moved when DS was born and I have been unemployed for a year. We are in a lower cost of living area, but lower salaries too. However, the money I saved when working, I'd like to use to buy a house in cash. DH will continue to work FT, and I will try to find a PT job that can cover additional retirement contribution plus vacation/travel and college contributions. I feel like we could have a nice life with this arrangement.

OP, this has nothing to do with being a jerk or not at this point.

It has to do with being wise about how you use the money you have.

You are prioritizing buying a house in cash over putting money into retirement or college savings? No, no, no. Why do you think this is a wise idea?

Honestly we are doing ok on retirement, DH has a pension, I have rental properties that will generate income down the road. I just like the idea of having a paid off house and not being a slave to a mortgage. I'm also a bit of a conspiracy theorist when it comes to mortgages. I feel like home ownership is the American Dream" that makes financial institutions rich- it's like 30 years of indentured servitude. Can you imagine not having a mortgage...it would be so amazing! Plus my son would inherit the house as well as 1m worth of paid off DC rental properties in great areas of the city, plus my life insurance policy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but I don't get it. Doesn't rat race mean that you had a stressful well-paying job or something like that? Where's the money?
I'm poor but I'll help my boys to pay for college since I have nothing better to do with my income.

Op here. So what happened is we moved when DS was born and I have been unemployed for a year. We are in a lower cost of living area, but lower salaries too. However, the money I saved when working, I'd like to use to buy a house in cash. DH will continue to work FT, and I will try to find a PT job that can cover additional retirement contribution plus vacation/travel and college contributions. I feel like we could have a nice life with this arrangement.

OP, this has nothing to do with being a jerk or not at this point.

It has to do with being wise about how you use the money you have.

You are prioritizing buying a house in cash over putting money into retirement or college savings? No, no, no. Why do you think this is a wise idea?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but I don't get it. Doesn't rat race mean that you had a stressful well-paying job or something like that? Where's the money?
I'm poor but I'll help my boys to pay for college since I have nothing better to do with my income.

Op here. So what happened is we moved when DS was born and I have been unemployed for a year. We are in a lower cost of living area, but lower salaries too. However, the money I saved when working, I'd like to use to buy a house in cash. DH will continue to work FT, and I will try to find a PT job that can cover additional retirement contribution plus vacation/travel and college contributions. I feel like we could have a nice life with this arrangement.

I was on your side OP that in general you don't "have" to put saving for college completely above all else but now with more information from you, yes, I do think you are a jerk. Get job. Your going to take it easy while DW works full time? You do sound selfish.