Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 21:27     Subject: Re:I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
Anonymous wrote:Mental illness my ass. Stop making excuses. Mental illness doesn't only happen at home. Mental illness isn't a switch that he turns on at home only. It is a parenting fail that can be fixed but first, start by getting yourself some mental help.


Could you and 20:42 (if not you) please just stop.

You have no idea. I have a DD who was voted most popular in her large high school class, but home life became very difficult and she fell apart after graduation. Luckily she was not a danger to others, though she was to herself--two hospitalizations for attempted suicide.

The only people who think tough love approaches work don't have kids with these problems or they had them and the kids are now dead.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 20:49     Subject: Re:I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
Mental illness my ass. Stop making excuses. Mental illness doesn't only happen at home. Mental illness isn't a switch that he turns on at home only. It is a parenting fail that can be fixed but first, start by getting yourself some mental help.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 20:47     Subject: Re:I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
He needs a full psych evaluation without delay. You also need to protect the rest of the family because this type of thing can affect the siblings terribly. The types of punishments suggested will not work here, especially with a mood disorder such as this which is forcing everyone else to walk on eggshells. Protect yourselves and get him the help he needs and your lives will all improve with the proper treatment/therapy/possibly medication for your son. Good luck and I'm sorry you're having to go through this horrible time.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 20:42     Subject: I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What are the consequences of this behavior? Does he have a cell phone, video games, or outside activities that get taken away? Do you make sure there are no electronics in his bedroom. Have you take the hinges off his door because he lost privacy?

Because I would never in a million years tolerate that mental/physical abuse you are allowing to take over your home. You need someone to come into the home, evaluate the entire situation and take over with advice/solutions. A home counselor. Similar to Super Nanny. I remember people posting recommendations here awhile back. Something went wrong somewhere and it needs to be fixed ASAP.


I am so glad you think you wouldn't tolerate the situation and that clamping down is the answer. Don't you think we tried that? Talk to me when you have a child in your life that might have a mental illness. It's nothing like the parenting books, or how we were parented, etc. could prepare you for. It is heartbreaking, overwhelming, and awful. And it is the judgement of people like you that make the whole thing that much more painful and isolating. It's easy to armchair quarterback. I did it myself before being in this situation. And let me tell you it is humbling like you cannot imagine.


Well if you are the OP and have put up with all of this without getting mental counseling and are saying you don't want to live with him, that is YOUR fault for not dealing with it.

And I am going to guess the kid still has all of his electronics, has a door on his bedroom, and has a cell phone to use whenever he pleases.


If mental illness was treated by taking away cell phones and doors to bedrooms, what a wonderful world it would be!


How do we know OP's kid has a mental illness? She hasn't said he has nor has she gotten him the psychiatric evaluation to check it. In the meantime, I am going to guess OP's son still has all of his privileges because it is easier to do so.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 20:33     Subject: I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
Here is a resource too, OP. Your son sounds like he does need a full evaluation but this site has some options once you know what is going on.

https://www.allkindsoftherapy.com
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 20:31     Subject: I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
Sorry you are going through this. only thing I can suggest is a comprehensive psychiatric and psycho-social evaluation by a qualified professional. They should interview you all as well to get the complete picture. They will then come up with recommendations.
If he needs an out of home placement until he is stabilized, Maryland has a Voluntary Placement Agreement through child welfare. You do not give up custody of your child and a finding of abuse or neglect is NOT made. It is for kids who have severe mental health issues or disabilities who need a level of treatment their parents cannot provide.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 20:04     Subject: I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
Isn't boarding school a cop out? Most of the kids I knew that went to BS were total F ups.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 19:58     Subject: I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What are the consequences of this behavior? Does he have a cell phone, video games, or outside activities that get taken away? Do you make sure there are no electronics in his bedroom. Have you take the hinges off his door because he lost privacy?

Because I would never in a million years tolerate that mental/physical abuse you are allowing to take over your home. You need someone to come into the home, evaluate the entire situation and take over with advice/solutions. A home counselor. Similar to Super Nanny. I remember people posting recommendations here awhile back. Something went wrong somewhere and it needs to be fixed ASAP.


I am so glad you think you wouldn't tolerate the situation and that clamping down is the answer. Don't you think we tried that? Talk to me when you have a child in your life that might have a mental illness. It's nothing like the parenting books, or how we were parented, etc. could prepare you for. It is heartbreaking, overwhelming, and awful. And it is the judgement of people like you that make the whole thing that much more painful and isolating. It's easy to armchair quarterback. I did it myself before being in this situation. And let me tell you it is humbling like you cannot imagine.


Well if you are the OP and have put up with all of this without getting mental counseling and are saying you don't want to live with him, that is YOUR fault for not dealing with it.

And I am going to guess the kid still has all of his electronics, has a door on his bedroom, and has a cell phone to use whenever he pleases.



I GET it. I have been you in a previous life. Let me tell you, until you have lived it you have no clue. If it were that easy, than it would have worked. I have been through a lot in my life, and I can tell you this is the hardest and most painful. I was raised by an alcoholic parent, terrible family life, I was raped in my 20s (violent, stranger rape), and this is the worst, most helpless feeling you can imagine. Signed, a parent going through similar to the OP.



This is the OP. We have had counseling off and on for years. It's just not getting any better. And yes, you cannot imagine what it feels like to want to walk away from it all when it is your own child. It is awful and nothing I ever thought I would feel in my life. Be thankful you do not have to go through this. FWIW I have other children, they have their "normal" issues and yes, we take away privileges and the like, and that works. The difference is this child, who clearly has a lot more going on than what we do in our regular life as parents to regular kids.


You could send him to boarding school. Or a reform school type of thing.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 19:56     Subject: I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
For the sake of your daughter, one of your kids needs to go to boarding school
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 19:51     Subject: I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What are the consequences of this behavior? Does he have a cell phone, video games, or outside activities that get taken away? Do you make sure there are no electronics in his bedroom. Have you take the hinges off his door because he lost privacy?

Because I would never in a million years tolerate that mental/physical abuse you are allowing to take over your home. You need someone to come into the home, evaluate the entire situation and take over with advice/solutions. A home counselor. Similar to Super Nanny. I remember people posting recommendations here awhile back. Something went wrong somewhere and it needs to be fixed ASAP.


I am so glad you think you wouldn't tolerate the situation and that clamping down is the answer. Don't you think we tried that? Talk to me when you have a child in your life that might have a mental illness. It's nothing like the parenting books, or how we were parented, etc. could prepare you for. It is heartbreaking, overwhelming, and awful. And it is the judgement of people like you that make the whole thing that much more painful and isolating. It's easy to armchair quarterback. I did it myself before being in this situation. And let me tell you it is humbling like you cannot imagine.


Well if you are the OP and have put up with all of this without getting mental counseling and are saying you don't want to live with him, that is YOUR fault for not dealing with it.

And I am going to guess the kid still has all of his electronics, has a door on his bedroom, and has a cell phone to use whenever he pleases.



I GET it. I have been you in a previous life. Let me tell you, until you have lived it you have no clue. If it were that easy, than it would have worked. I have been through a lot in my life, and I can tell you this is the hardest and most painful. I was raised by an alcoholic parent, terrible family life, I was raped in my 20s (violent, stranger rape), and this is the worst, most helpless feeling you can imagine. Signed, a parent going through similar to the OP.



This is the OP. We have had counseling off and on for years. It's just not getting any better. And yes, you cannot imagine what it feels like to want to walk away from it all when it is your own child. It is awful and nothing I ever thought I would feel in my life. Be thankful you do not have to go through this. FWIW I have other children, they have their "normal" issues and yes, we take away privileges and the like, and that works. The difference is this child, who clearly has a lot more going on than what we do in our regular life as parents to regular kids.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 19:50     Subject: I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
OP, you should not abandon him. He would be homeless, at his age. Unless you want to pay for an apartment or something.

I think therapy and a psychiatrist is a good option, though.

Sorry you have to deal with this. Best of wishes to you.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 19:49     Subject: I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What are the consequences of this behavior? Does he have a cell phone, video games, or outside activities that get taken away? Do you make sure there are no electronics in his bedroom. Have you take the hinges off his door because he lost privacy?

Because I would never in a million years tolerate that mental/physical abuse you are allowing to take over your home. You need someone to come into the home, evaluate the entire situation and take over with advice/solutions. A home counselor. Similar to Super Nanny. I remember people posting recommendations here awhile back. Something went wrong somewhere and it needs to be fixed ASAP.


I am so glad you think you wouldn't tolerate the situation and that clamping down is the answer. Don't you think we tried that? Talk to me when you have a child in your life that might have a mental illness. It's nothing like the parenting books, or how we were parented, etc. could prepare you for. It is heartbreaking, overwhelming, and awful. And it is the judgement of people like you that make the whole thing that much more painful and isolating. It's easy to armchair quarterback. I did it myself before being in this situation. And let me tell you it is humbling like you cannot imagine.


Well if you are the OP and have put up with all of this without getting mental counseling and are saying you don't want to live with him, that is YOUR fault for not dealing with it.

And I am going to guess the kid still has all of his electronics, has a door on his bedroom, and has a cell phone to use whenever he pleases.



I GET it. I have been you in a previous life. Let me tell you, until you have lived it you have no clue. If it were that easy, than it would have worked. I have been through a lot in my life, and I can tell you this is the hardest and most painful. I was raised by an alcoholic parent, terrible family life, I was raped in my 20s (violent, stranger rape), and this is the worst, most helpless feeling you can imagine. Signed, a parent going through similar to the OP.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 19:46     Subject: I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What are the consequences of this behavior? Does he have a cell phone, video games, or outside activities that get taken away? Do you make sure there are no electronics in his bedroom. Have you take the hinges off his door because he lost privacy?

Because I would never in a million years tolerate that mental/physical abuse you are allowing to take over your home. You need someone to come into the home, evaluate the entire situation and take over with advice/solutions. A home counselor. Similar to Super Nanny. I remember people posting recommendations here awhile back. Something went wrong somewhere and it needs to be fixed ASAP.


I am so glad you think you wouldn't tolerate the situation and that clamping down is the answer. Don't you think we tried that? Talk to me when you have a child in your life that might have a mental illness. It's nothing like the parenting books, or how we were parented, etc. could prepare you for. It is heartbreaking, overwhelming, and awful. And it is the judgement of people like you that make the whole thing that much more painful and isolating. It's easy to armchair quarterback. I did it myself before being in this situation. And let me tell you it is humbling like you cannot imagine.


Well if you are the OP and have put up with all of this without getting mental counseling and are saying you don't want to live with him, that is YOUR fault for not dealing with it.

And I am going to guess the kid still has all of his electronics, has a door on his bedroom, and has a cell phone to use whenever he pleases.


If mental illness was treated by taking away cell phones and doors to bedrooms, what a wonderful world it would be!
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 19:07     Subject: I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What are the consequences of this behavior? Does he have a cell phone, video games, or outside activities that get taken away? Do you make sure there are no electronics in his bedroom. Have you take the hinges off his door because he lost privacy?

Because I would never in a million years tolerate that mental/physical abuse you are allowing to take over your home. You need someone to come into the home, evaluate the entire situation and take over with advice/solutions. A home counselor. Similar to Super Nanny. I remember people posting recommendations here awhile back. Something went wrong somewhere and it needs to be fixed ASAP.


I am so glad you think you wouldn't tolerate the situation and that clamping down is the answer. Don't you think we tried that? Talk to me when you have a child in your life that might have a mental illness. It's nothing like the parenting books, or how we were parented, etc. could prepare you for. It is heartbreaking, overwhelming, and awful. And it is the judgement of people like you that make the whole thing that much more painful and isolating. It's easy to armchair quarterback. I did it myself before being in this situation. And let me tell you it is humbling like you cannot imagine.


Well if you are the OP and have put up with all of this without getting mental counseling and are saying you don't want to live with him, that is YOUR fault for not dealing with it.

And I am going to guess the kid still has all of his electronics, has a door on his bedroom, and has a cell phone to use whenever he pleases.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 19:04     Subject: I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What are the consequences of this behavior? Does he have a cell phone, video games, or outside activities that get taken away? Do you make sure there are no electronics in his bedroom. Have you take the hinges off his door because he lost privacy?

Because I would never in a million years tolerate that mental/physical abuse you are allowing to take over your home. You need someone to come into the home, evaluate the entire situation and take over with advice/solutions. A home counselor. Similar to Super Nanny. I remember people posting recommendations here awhile back. Something went wrong somewhere and it needs to be fixed ASAP.


I am so glad you think you wouldn't tolerate the situation and that clamping down is the answer. Don't you think we tried that? Talk to me when you have a child in your life that might have a mental illness. It's nothing like the parenting books, or how we were parented, etc. could prepare you for. It is heartbreaking, overwhelming, and awful. And it is the judgement of people like you that make the whole thing that much more painful and isolating. It's easy to armchair quarterback. I did it myself before being in this situation. And let me tell you it is humbling like you cannot imagine.


Amen. Been there too.