This fantasy model of two parents being the same is utter nonsense. In every relationship, one person's career takes priority over the other, and that person will earn more. Is that person therefore better? Never. Make no mistake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not apologize. Work hard while you are there. Contribute and get some "wins" early. Don't take lunch if you think you need the time. But repeat: do not apologize. Leave at 5 everyday when you start. Jobs are usually slow to gear up and it will be easier at first. People who leave at 5 and are high performers are rarely questioned.

I actually disagree with a lot of these replies.
We have no idea what kind of industry OP is in.
If there are meetings scheduled with different time zones, if there are corporate events like in the food industry where dinners are expected, if it's healthcare where patient care doesn't always go according to schedule, if her team member have morning commuting issues of their own and drive in from WV at 930 am to avoid traffic and work late, etc etc.
OP is going to be the newbie in a job where perhaps everyone else is also staggering their schedules and have done so a long time and come in late and leave late. We have no idea and neither does she.
So going into a new job with this "everyone must work around me, I don't care what everyone has done and worked out before I got here" is not the feminist power statement you think it is.

Where do you see that, exactly?
Setting your own boundaries <> everyone should work around me.

The strong advice to leave every day at 5 from day 1, refuse to apologize, seemed like too much on the first day of a new job where you have no idea what the deal is or the reasoning behind it. Being completely inflexible, and "refusing to apologize" but seems like someone gearing up for a fight when there may be no need for one.
Per some of the reasons I listed, and there could be infinite more, there are often very valid reasons why leaving at 5 is not going to work for the entire team, and that needs to be taken into consideration.
Refusing to bend is indeed making everyone else work around you, per the examples I gave, which we don't really know and neither does OP.
My advice was more to expand the thinking of *why* it may not be okay to leave at 5, instead of a knee jerk reaction that this is anti woman, anti working mom, anti OP

Do what you need to in order to get through the rest of your daycare contract. Find care that allows you to work the hours you need to.

Sounds simple, but can be easier said than done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not apologize. Work hard while you are there. Contribute and get some "wins" early. Don't take lunch if you think you need the time. But repeat: do not apologize. Leave at 5 everyday when you start. Jobs are usually slow to gear up and it will be easier at first. People who leave at 5 and are high performers are rarely questioned.

I actually disagree with a lot of these replies.
We have no idea what kind of industry OP is in.
If there are meetings scheduled with different time zones, if there are corporate events like in the food industry where dinners are expected, if it's healthcare where patient care doesn't always go according to schedule, if her team member have morning commuting issues of their own and drive in from WV at 930 am to avoid traffic and work late, etc etc.
OP is going to be the newbie in a job where perhaps everyone else is also staggering their schedules and have done so a long time and come in late and leave late. We have no idea and neither does she.
So going into a new job with this "everyone must work around me, I don't care what everyone has done and worked out before I got here" is not the feminist power statement you think it is.

Where do you see that, exactly?
Setting your own boundaries <> everyone should work around me.

Anonymous wrote:Do not apologize. Work hard while you are there. Contribute and get some "wins" early. Don't take lunch if you think you need the time. But repeat: do not apologize. Leave at 5 everyday when you start. Jobs are usually slow to gear up and it will be easier at first. People who leave at 5 and are high performers are rarely questioned.

I actually disagree with a lot of these replies.
We have no idea what kind of industry OP is in.
If there are meetings scheduled with different time zones, if there are corporate events like in the food industry where dinners are expected, if it's healthcare where patient care doesn't always go according to schedule, if her team member have morning commuting issues of their own and drive in from WV at 930 am to avoid traffic and work late, etc etc.
OP is going to be the newbie in a job where perhaps everyone else is also staggering their schedules and have done so a long time and come in late and leave late. We have no idea and neither does she.
So going into a new job with this "everyone must work around me, I don't care what everyone has done and worked out before I got here" is not the feminist power statement you think it is.

Block off your day after 4:30 so no one schedules a meeting and you have a minute to catch your breadth/do some last minute emails before you go.

Do not apologize. Work hard while you are there. Contribute and get some "wins" early. Don't take lunch if you think you need the time. But repeat: do not apologize. Leave at 5 everyday when you start. Jobs are usually slow to gear up and it will be easier at first. People who leave at 5 and are high performers are rarely questioned.

Frankly, this is why I am staying in my current job, despite the fact I am miserable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the idea that you can 'have it all' is a myth. Pick your priorities. (signed WOH mom.)

Bingo. These two parents *have* picked their priority, and it ain't the child. Poor thing.

I cant stand people like you. Some people have to work to provide. We have had to make many sacrifices for our child because she is our priority. We are doing the best that we can. I've turned down offers for better positions because it would mean less time with my child. Don't make assumptions about other people!

Who said my post was for you? It wasn't. Get a grip.

I think you can set the expectation for when you leave, though I would have done it before accepting the job. I took a job with a long commute, and before accepting I said the only way I could see making it work was if I could leave at 4:15 everyday (got in by 8am). They came back and said that was fine. I was worried about how it would go, but my co-workers were actually very accommodating. My boss, ultimately, was not, but she frankly didn't like me for several reasons and was ultimately fired for corporate malfeasance so...

I think it's just about setting expectations. You are in your most idyllic honeymoon phase when you start a new job, so set expectations early.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the idea that you can 'have it all' is a myth. Pick your priorities. (signed WOH mom.)

Bingo. These two parents *have* picked their priority, and it ain't the child. Poor thing.

I cant stand people like you. Some people have to work to provide. We have had to make many sacrifices for our child because she is our priority. We are doing the best that we can. I've turned down offers for better positions because it would mean less time with my child. Don't make assumptions about other people!

I don't judge OP. It all sucks, honestly.

Hmmm-- then you are doing 8:30-5. I say, set your boundaries and leave at 5. If anyone ever questions you, simply state you come in early and have to leave right on time for pick up. IMO it's all about boundaries.

As a WOHM, I know that childcare drop offs/pick ups can be stressful. I did both temporarily when our nanny was out on extended sick leave. It was particularly difficult because the younger one went to day care with me and older one went to PT preschool on some days (in our neighborhood) and drop in day care with me on others.

We have a nanny so that helps a bit, but we can only afford 40 hours a week (with 2 kids and preschool tuition), so my husband and I have staggered our schedules. I go in earlier and leave a lot earlier than my co-workers. I know it's not ideal but after years or working very long hours before kid #1 and through pregnancy #2 (earned promotion soon after birth of 1st), I really like having very little traffic to get home and see my kids during the day before their bedtimes (makes things a lot less frantic between the hours of 5 - 8 pm). Also, I telework a few times a week which also allows me more time to see the kids during the late afternoon/early evenings because no time spent in traffic.

Is it ideal for my career? Definitely not, but given that we can't afford to afford one income (my income is higher than DH's), I prefer to spend more time with my kids. Plus my office allows for way more flexibility than my husband's office.

This is a new company, right? Well, their SOPs on this kind of thing are probably still under development. Try to level with them and see if this can work. If it's not working after two weeks, agree to look into alternative care arrangements. Part-time preschool + an au pair might give you the right amount of flexibility without tripling your childcare costs.