PP here, sorry I realized you have a kid. So book it and tell him you will be fine those dates.

Dh is not a big bday guy or a planner...in fact he's forgotten it was my bday more than once. But for 40, he invited 8 friends to join us for s sunset cruise on a friends boat . He took care of good and drink. It was amazing. Not fancy or huge or expensive, but thoughtful.

I'm sorry OP. I.would imagine the lack of enthusiasm on your DHs part is a real disappointment. That's the issue here, not that he's not good at planning or a mind reader or whatever. And it makes you feel small for wanting to do this special thing with him.

I say book a solo or girls trip and just go. Do you have kids? Is there a care issue if you both travel or you go?

My wife bought me a frying pan. A frying Pan. Could you imagine what would happen if I bought her a frying pan. On her 40th?

10 day cruise, veranda room ( balcony) butler service. Had a great time!! cost me $4000.00 !! 50th I took her to New Orleans for 10 days that overlapped into marti gra. Another good time.

Our 40th birthdays are a few years apart. We each planned and took each other on surprise trips - weekends in different cities. Partly for the milestone birthday, but mostly as an excuse/kick in the pants to take a special trip without kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The title of your post should have been, " My husband can't read my mind".

What did you do for his 40th?

I planned a surprise party that included his best buddy from college and his brother from across the country, I had a caterer, a bartender, a signature drink (his favorite), and I hired a murder mystery company.

I don't expect him to be a mind reader - on two occasions, I told him, "I want to go with you to x for my 40th birthday"

Yes - but doing that kind of thing does not mean that he will do that for you. Ever. Even if you ask. I'm telling you - virtually no men will do this. They are more likely to surprise you by mowing the lawn. A good man will come and help you if you've wrecked the car or gotten a flat tire - does he do stuff like that?
Does he shovel the driveway? Run to the store for milk if you ask? These are man things. Party planning? Not so much.

Quit making assumptions on behalf of "men". Just because you are a douche, doesn't mean every guy is.

Maybe if you hold your breath until you turn blue he'll finally do what you want!

Anonymous wrote:I'm 50. I didn't treat my 40th or 50th birthday any different than the other birthdays. I know other people do but it's just not that big a deal to me and I don't buy into shit that other people do. If you feel you've lost yourself or want to reconnect with something, then do it but don't make it a litmus test for your DH.

No doubt.

It's really not his responsibility.

He stayed out of my way. I hated turning 40. Hated it.

We're in our mid 30s, but we love freaking out about milestone birthdays, although when we turned 30 we didnt have kids so we'll see how it goes for 40. But I took him to Bali for his 30th and I he threw me a huge cocktail party for my 30th with full service sushi food stations and bartenders. He also made the nicest gd speech in the world that my girlfriends still bring up.

God, you know, I mean I was grateful and happy on my 30th but typing it out makes me feel lucky all over again.

OP, I believe in birthdays, so take yourself out and go on a trip w your ladies!!

Nothing really. In fact, he asked, "what's for dinner."

He took me out to dinner. It was a nice restaurant, but definitely not a "once in a lifetime" type.

We to Sonoma and rented a house with three other couples and brought a long kids (one of friends mom came along to baby sit)-we did all day wine tours, hired a chef for a dinner at home etc. It was awesome and fun. I planned a lot of it with my friends who already live in CA but my DH was totally on board with the costs, logistics etc. Super fun.

I had a huge party for my 35th.

I just turned 40. DH and I took an amazing trip to the Riviera Maya for 6 days. We stayed at a 5-star boutique resort with only 41 villas.

My DH planned a 40th birthday party for me. I did help with some of the planning. I would have been just as happy going on a girls trip but that is harder to plan with everyone's schedule with kids plus trying to work out something that works for everyone's finances.

What would you do for child care if you and DH went away? I know for us getting our parents to watch the kids for us to go away is a big deal. We tend to ask if it is an anniversary get away - something that is really a gift for the two of us. Honestly, I were you, I would line up a girls trip for my 40th and look to get away for anniversary with my spouse (without kids) and plan that trip myself. I think you are just going to end up dissapointed if you keep hoping your DH will be someone he is not. I'm terrible at gift giving (DW) but I like to think I make my DH feel special in other ways. I would hate if this became a litmus test of our relationship.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 50. I didn't treat my 40th or 50th birthday any different than the other birthdays. I know other people do but it's just not that big a deal to me and I don't buy into shit that other people do. If you feel you've lost yourself or want to reconnect with something, then do it but don't make it a litmus test for your DH.

I agree completely. I don't understand these litmus tests - as you say - that wives here put on their husbands.