My sibling cut off all of us because they are the mentally unstable one and it is very painful. They are married to a narcissistic BPD psychopath who has slowly cut them away from entire family. It is like a cult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow the fuck up. My sister did precisely what you are proposing with my two brothers. It blew the whole fucking family up. Nieces and nephews no longer have aunts and uncles, siblings no longer talk to one another, children have taken sides against their parents. Adults do not behave this way. She didn't even have to have any contact with them. This formal declaration was more about her childishness than it was about my brothers' admittedly bad behavior. When dealing with family it isn't all about you. Your actions have tentacles that reach to everyone else. Every time I see one of these posts, I can't help but think did you people never move beyond middle school emotionally?

You sound very angry at an internet stranger, can't imagine what it's like to have you in the family. Each of us has the right to live a joyous and peaceful life, and we are first and foremost responsible to ourselves, then others. Maintaining unhealthy relationships, out of a sense of duty, is self-abuse. I don't agree with OP's approach and don't know the dynamics of the relationship. My suggestion is putting some distance and OP working on herself and stop focusing so much on what her sister is doing.

I am very angry. I have seen the devastation left in the wake of these "declarations." There are mature ways to deal with a users that don't result in destroying families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow the fuck up. My sister did precisely what you are proposing with my two brothers. It blew the whole fucking family up. Nieces and nephews no longer have aunts and uncles, siblings no longer talk to one another, children have taken sides against their parents. Adults do not behave this way. She didn't even have to have any contact with them. This formal declaration was more about her childishness than it was about my brothers' admittedly bad behavior. When dealing with family it isn't all about you. Your actions have tentacles that reach to everyone else. Every time I see one of these posts, I can't help but think did you people never move beyond middle school emotionally?

And whenever I see responses like yours, I can't help but think you people are just angry that you don't have the courage to do what the OP is contemplating and are angry that you're stuck in an abusive situation. Or, you're angry because the sibling that cut everyone off isn't around for you to abuse anymore. Regarding formal declarations: you'd still be pissed even if she just faded away and didn't make the formal declaration.

OP - do what is healthiest for you.

you obviously cannot read. My sister cut off my brothers. She did not cut me off. While my brothers behaved poorly when my mother was dying, so did my sister. None of the three of them acted like adults and this, our entire family blew up. Frankly, I don't give a damn if they hate each other, but the next generation was negatively effected by the actions of three people who acted like immature brats. Btw, my sister and I have a very good relationship but she was completely dead wrong in the way she handled her anger.

10:13 here - I know you didn't say you wanted to end your relationship with your mother, so just sub "sibling" in those posts. However, I have a feeling you are in a bit of a package deal situation. Ending your relationship with your sister will also end up in the loss of a relationship with your mother who will refuse to see anything wrong with your sister, and will blame you for everything (you sort of said this in your first post).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow the fuck up. My sister did precisely what you are proposing with my two brothers. It blew the whole fucking family up. Nieces and nephews no longer have aunts and uncles, siblings no longer talk to one another, children have taken sides against their parents. Adults do not behave this way. She didn't even have to have any contact with them. This formal declaration was more about her childishness than it was about my brothers' admittedly bad behavior. When dealing with family it isn't all about you. Your actions have tentacles that reach to everyone else. Every time I see one of these posts, I can't help but think did you people never move beyond middle school emotionally?

And whenever I see responses like yours, I can't help but think you people are just angry that you don't have the courage to do what the OP is contemplating and are angry that you're stuck in an abusive situation. Or, you're angry because the sibling that cut everyone off isn't around for you to abuse anymore. Regarding formal declarations: you'd still be pissed even if she just faded away and didn't make the formal declaration.

OP - do what is healthiest for you.

Unless I've missed it, Op hasn't really given any examples of egregious behavior in her sister other than "saying things" that Op doesn't like. Is she making nasty and intrusive comments about Op's kids/husband/job/life or is Sis simply rubbing the Op the wrong way?

If the woman is being abusive - steer clear. But if the woman is simply annoying or not as doing as Op likes...that is different.

But that is the thing with emotional abuse. It's so easy to twist it and say "Oh I didn't mean that!" "Stop being so sensitive!", etc. etc. The abuser gets to play the victim (see the PPs above) and everyone feels sorry for them.

OP - there is some good info on this website: https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/ This post may be of particular use to you: https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2013/06/27/prepare-yourself-for-backlash-when-going-no-contact-advice-for-adult-children/

But it could also boil down to jealousy on Op's part or plain sibling rivalry. Op might wish that her sister wasn't such an annoying in-your-face braggart (makes Op look/feel like chopped liver) but is the sister really being *abusive* when she toots her own horn? "I'm working on my second major promotion in a year! How is your job going sis?" (grrr)

Anonymous wrote:Grow the fuck up. My sister did precisely what you are proposing with my two brothers. It blew the whole fucking family up. Nieces and nephews no longer have aunts and uncles, siblings no longer talk to one another, children have taken sides against their parents. Adults do not behave this way. She didn't even have to have any contact with them. This formal declaration was more about her childishness than it was about my brothers' admittedly bad behavior. When dealing with family it isn't all about you. Your actions have tentacles that reach to everyone else. Every time I see one of these posts, I can't help but think did you people never move beyond middle school emotionally?

You sound very angry at an internet stranger, can't imagine what it's like to have you in the family. Each of us has the right to live a joyous and peaceful life, and we are first and foremost responsible to ourselves, then others. Maintaining unhealthy relationships, out of a sense of duty, is self-abuse. I don't agree with OP's approach and don't know the dynamics of the relationship. My suggestion is putting some distance and OP working on herself and stop focusing so much on what her sister is doing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow the fuck up. My sister did precisely what you are proposing with my two brothers. It blew the whole fucking family up. Nieces and nephews no longer have aunts and uncles, siblings no longer talk to one another, children have taken sides against their parents. Adults do not behave this way. She didn't even have to have any contact with them. This formal declaration was more about her childishness than it was about my brothers' admittedly bad behavior. When dealing with family it isn't all about you. Your actions have tentacles that reach to everyone else. Every time I see one of these posts, I can't help but think did you people never move beyond middle school emotionally?

And whenever I see responses like yours, I can't help but think you people are just angry that you don't have the courage to do what the OP is contemplating and are angry that you're stuck in an abusive situation. Or, you're angry because the sibling that cut everyone off isn't around for you to abuse anymore. Regarding formal declarations: you'd still be pissed even if she just faded away and didn't make the formal declaration.

OP - do what is healthiest for you.

Unless I've missed it, Op hasn't really given any examples of egregious behavior in her sister other than "saying things" that Op doesn't like. Is she making nasty and intrusive comments about Op's kids/husband/job/life or is Sis simply rubbing the Op the wrong way?

If the woman is being abusive - steer clear. But if the woman is simply annoying or not as doing as Op likes...that is different.

But that is the thing with emotional abuse. It's so easy to twist it and say "Oh I didn't mean that!" "Stop being so sensitive!", etc. etc. The abuser gets to play the victim (see the PPs above) and everyone feels sorry for them.

OP - there is some good info on this website: https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/ This post may be of particular use to you: https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2013/06/27/prepare-yourself-for-backlash-when-going-no-contact-advice-for-adult-children/

Anonymous wrote:How about a break first? I'm actually doing this with my mother after she really started acting out around my kids. She didn't change so the break has gone on for six months now.

If she changes into someone stable, I'll consider a reconciliation, but if she continues to flip out (I don't want to go into specifics, but she was an extremely dysfunctional parent to me) then it's over.

Sad but true.

Same relationship with my mother. Our conversations go as far as discussing the weather, how my DC is doing, but that's it. I received a cryptic text last week, just very rude, and then a phone call. I broke down, completely broke down. I'm 800 miles away from her, keep my distance, and she still affects me, and continues to hurt me. This time she directed her crazy world on my DH, who has never done or said anything negative towards her, even knowing she's mentally unstable. I hate myself for saying this, but I hate her. I do. I can't stand her. I'm so envious of my friends who have great relationships with their mother; hurts my heart.

But knowing she's ill helps. But my childhood was hell.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow the fuck up. My sister did precisely what you are proposing with my two brothers. It blew the whole fucking family up. Nieces and nephews no longer have aunts and uncles, siblings no longer talk to one another, children have taken sides against their parents. Adults do not behave this way. She didn't even have to have any contact with them. This formal declaration was more about her childishness than it was about my brothers' admittedly bad behavior. When dealing with family it isn't all about you. Your actions have tentacles that reach to everyone else. Every time I see one of these posts, I can't help but think did you people never move beyond middle school emotionally?

And whenever I see responses like yours, I can't help but think you people are just angry that you don't have the courage to do what the OP is contemplating and are angry that you're stuck in an abusive situation. Or, you're angry because the sibling that cut everyone off isn't around for you to abuse anymore. Regarding formal declarations: you'd still be pissed even if she just faded away and didn't make the formal declaration.

OP - do what is healthiest for you.

"Abusive"? You don't know real abuse if you chalk up petty sibling fights/rivalry/issues to being "abused." People like the OP and yourself are the real toxic forces in a family and a community. They are selish and petulant and actively hurt people who love them very much. I have been on the receiving end of a sister who brutally cut me out of her life. We had flights, it was NOT worth losing a family member.

Actually I am quite familiar with emotional abuse.

When your sister cut you out of her life did you ever stop and ask yourself why she did that? Clearly she thought you were worth losing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow the fuck up. My sister did precisely what you are proposing with my two brothers. It blew the whole fucking family up. Nieces and nephews no longer have aunts and uncles, siblings no longer talk to one another, children have taken sides against their parents. Adults do not behave this way. She didn't even have to have any contact with them. This formal declaration was more about her childishness than it was about my brothers' admittedly bad behavior. When dealing with family it isn't all about you. Your actions have tentacles that reach to everyone else. Every time I see one of these posts, I can't help but think did you people never move beyond middle school emotionally?

And whenever I see responses like yours, I can't help but think you people are just angry that you don't have the courage to do what the OP is contemplating and are angry that you're stuck in an abusive situation. Or, you're angry because the sibling that cut everyone off isn't around for you to abuse anymore. Regarding formal declarations: you'd still be pissed even if she just faded away and didn't make the formal declaration.

OP - do what is healthiest for you.

Unless I've missed it, Op hasn't really given any examples of egregious behavior in her sister other than "saying things" that Op doesn't like. Is she making nasty and intrusive comments about Op's kids/husband/job/life or is Sis simply rubbing the Op the wrong way?

If the woman is being abusive - steer clear. But if the woman is simply annoying or not as doing as Op likes...that is different.

Anonymous wrote:Grow the fuck up. My sister did precisely what you are proposing with my two brothers. It blew the whole fucking family up. Nieces and nephews no longer have aunts and uncles, siblings no longer talk to one another, children have taken sides against their parents. Adults do not behave this way. She didn't even have to have any contact with them. This formal declaration was more about her childishness than it was about my brothers' admittedly bad behavior. When dealing with family it isn't all about you. Your actions have tentacles that reach to everyone else. Every time I see one of these posts, I can't help but think did you people never move beyond middle school emotionally?

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow the fuck up. My sister did precisely what you are proposing with my two brothers. It blew the whole fucking family up. Nieces and nephews no longer have aunts and uncles, siblings no longer talk to one another, children have taken sides against their parents. Adults do not behave this way. She didn't even have to have any contact with them. This formal declaration was more about her childishness than it was about my brothers' admittedly bad behavior. When dealing with family it isn't all about you. Your actions have tentacles that reach to everyone else. Every time I see one of these posts, I can't help but think did you people never move beyond middle school emotionally?

And whenever I see responses like yours, I can't help but think you people are just angry that you don't have the courage to do what the OP is contemplating and are angry that you're stuck in an abusive situation. Or, you're angry because the sibling that cut everyone off isn't around for you to abuse anymore. Regarding formal declarations: you'd still be pissed even if she just faded away and didn't make the formal declaration.

OP - do what is healthiest for you.

"Abusive"? You don't know real abuse if you chalk up petty sibling fights/rivalry/issues to being "abused." People like the OP and yourself are the real toxic forces in a family and a community. They are selish and petulant and actively hurt people who love them very much. I have been on the receiving end of a sister who brutally cut me out of her life. We had flights, it was NOT worth losing a family member.

Anonymous wrote:Grow the fuck up. My sister did precisely what you are proposing with my two brothers. It blew the whole fucking family up. Nieces and nephews no longer have aunts and uncles, siblings no longer talk to one another, children have taken sides against their parents. Adults do not behave this way. She didn't even have to have any contact with them. This formal declaration was more about her childishness than it was about my brothers' admittedly bad behavior. When dealing with family it isn't all about you. Your actions have tentacles that reach to everyone else. Every time I see one of these posts, I can't help but think did you people never move beyond middle school emotionally?

And whenever I see responses like yours, I can't help but think you people are just angry that you don't have the courage to do what the OP is contemplating and are angry that you're stuck in an abusive situation. Or, you're angry because the sibling that cut everyone off isn't around for you to abuse anymore. Regarding formal declarations: you'd still be pissed even if she just faded away and didn't make the formal declaration.

OP - do what is healthiest for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you, Lady Edith?

And she still manages to live in the same house with that bitchy sister of hers.

Well, it's a pretty big house...

And there are lots of servants to run interference. It's not like she even has to ask Edith to pass the salt.

Grow the fuck up. My sister did precisely what you are proposing with my two brothers. It blew the whole fucking family up. Nieces and nephews no longer have aunts and uncles, siblings no longer talk to one another, children have taken sides against their parents. Adults do not behave this way. She didn't even have to have any contact with them. This formal declaration was more about her childishness than it was about my brothers' admittedly bad behavior. When dealing with family it isn't all about you. Your actions have tentacles that reach to everyone else. Every time I see one of these posts, I can't help but think did you people never move beyond middle school emotionally?