Anonymous wrote:If they are otherwise good on paper....I think they likely wasted their prime dating years in a bad or dead end relationship. And now are left with not a whole lot of desirable choices since most of their male counterparts are married or dating younger.

I think the difference with the man on the other thread - successful, attractive, charming - he is highly desirable (on paper) with far more opportunities for dating and marriage.

This is me. 39, single. Too many years in monogamous relationships when I should have been ending them sooner and dating other people.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36, divorced, and childless, and don't want kids. I have a great boyfriend who is 11 years my junior, and sexy as all hell. So, all the "desirable" men are not taken. I don't think anything is wrong with an older woman with no kids and not married. If she's confident, has her shit together work and finance-wise, who cares? A lot of these women are much more stable and happy than younger women, married with kids, whose lives are secretly falling apart behind closed doors.

Anonymous wrote:I'm AA so I know a lot of other AA women who fit this description. In fact, I thought I would never get married or have children, because my pickings were slim. I did end up getting married and having a child and that was a miracle. There is nothing wrong with these women. Many are smart, driven, bubbly, fun, and spiritually grounded. I do believe that many would like to be married and have children, but by the time they are in their mid-forites, they come to accept life on life's terms and enjoy the life they have. I see nothing wrong with that.

That's why it makes very little sense to compete for limited resources. No reason if you're

smart, driven, bubbly, fun, and spiritually grounded

to not live a full and complete life.

Anonymous wrote:I have friend 1) has 2 daughters this age, both professional, both unmarried; friend 2) has 3 children in this age zone - the eldest unmarried no kids, the others married no kids.

Is this a trend? No kids? Or even, no spouse? Seems to be among the people I know.

I think it's a familial issue. Something of which you may not be aware. My extended family is like that - women, none of them married, or had very dysfunctional, childless marriages. The men married, but I wouldn't call any of them successful spouses.

I married quite young (25) and had 2 kids before 30. In my husband's circle (military) this was the norm. In my circle (college friends) I was the first to marry and have kids by far. But all except one of my closest college friends are married with kids. The one who isn't married had a series of relationships that didn't pan out. About 2 years ago at 37 she decided to adopt a baby on her own because she didn't want to miss out on being a mother. A cousin of mine was in a similar situation and at 42 went the sperm donor route and has a 3 year old.
You can't make someone marry you but if you really want to be a mom, it's certainly possible.

1. Insanely picky
2. Unwilling to prioritize a relationship. Either more focused on work or traveling so much that it makes her unable to meet someone
3. Wasted many years dating or living with the wrong man.

I'm AA so I know a lot of other AA women who fit this description. In fact, I thought I would never get married or have children, because my pickings were slim. I did end up getting married and having a child and that was a miracle. There is nothing wrong with these women. Many are smart, driven, bubbly, fun, and spiritually grounded. I do believe that many would like to be married and have children, but by the time they are in their mid-forites, they come to accept life on life's terms and enjoy the life they have. I see nothing wrong with that.

We have several good friends who match this description. They are intelligent, adventurous, successful women. And pretty! They are happy on their own and not overly picky....it just didn't come together for them to get married. And I don't have a problem with that, because I know they are awesome and ok being single.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know in this sitation, both men and women, are insanely picky. Like..irrationally, no one can meet their standards picky.

Ditto. Especially the women, and yes I'm a woman. Now I do have a friend in this situation who really appears to be single and over 40 by choice and seems uninterested in meeting anyone beyond casual flings, but for the most part those I've known who were unmarried after 40 were simply unrealistic or were unpleasant themselves.

I'm PP @12:44 and this is precisely what I meant by 'want to be single, whether they know it or not'. Being insanely picky is a way of rejecting people when you just don't really want to get very close to anyone.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know in this sitation, both men and women, are insanely picky. Like..irrationally, no one can meet their standards picky.

Ditto. Especially the women, and yes I'm a woman. Now I do have a friend in this situation who really appears to be single and over 40 by choice and seems uninterested in meeting anyone beyond casual flings, but for the most part those I've known who were unmarried after 40 were simply unrealistic or were unpleasant themselves.

Everyone I know in this sitation, both men and women, are insanely picky. Like..irrationally, no one can meet their standards picky.

I also think where you live plays a part. I've mainly lived in mid to large cities so it wasn't really a problem meeting someone but then I moved to a small town and omg, I thought I would die, lol.

There was no one and I mean no one that I could even remotely meet or see myself with. Even a FWB was out of the question. I ended up moving away 2 years later.

If I could magically go back in time, I'd never marry or have kids.

Anonymous wrote:Is this a trend? No kids? Or even, no spouse? Seems to be among the people I know.

Real incomes have been stagnant or declining since the 70s...that's almost two generations now. It costs vastly more to have a child now than it did before, and people have even less money. It takes much longer to attain the education and experience to have the career needed to raise children in the same manner/SES you or your parent's generation were reared in. There is a degree of "keeping up with the Joneses" aspect to the costs - you can do it on the cheap - but even among the blue collar people (minority and white) I know for whom the next big life accomplishment after HS is children, the trend is now to remain unmarried so as to maximize the services for which the kids qualify. They literally cannot afford to get married, or it will lower the standard of living for their children.

I do think the culture has shifted to make the choice of remaining childless more acceptable but I think the social conservatives have it wrong: this is the result, not the cause, of the trend. More people have been forced to take this path and so we've learned to be more accepting of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they are otherwise good on paper....I think they likely wasted their prime dating years in a bad or dead end relationship. And now are left with not a whole lot of desirable choices since most of their male counterparts are married or dating younger.

I think the difference with the man on the other thread - successful, attractive, charming - he is highly desirable (on paper) with far more opportunities for dating and marriage.

Politically incorrect, but yes. I'd never say it though!

A lot of these women were either overly picky in their youth, or not nearly picky enough.

^yep.