Would a poor person be sending an invite announcing how many things their child has and that they just can't endure any more?
No?
Then it's pretentious and showy, don't do it.

Can you explain why you can't donate the toys? Not getting why that's not the best option, done quietly and not "bring a toy so we can donate it!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've said:

"This is a "no gift" party, but if you'd like to bring food or supplies for XYZ Animal Shelter, we will be making a group donation later this month."

This.

Why wouldn't you skip the birthday party and use those funds to make a donation to the shelter and has the time to make the donation and work at the shelter.
Why in the world would you teach your child to present and feel proud of food and supplies she got other people to buy? I'm not seeing the great act of philanthropy when other people are doing the majority of the giving.

You're overthinking this.

We're not playing it up to our child (or anyone else) as some big community service thing or a "great act of philanthropy," as you said.

And we're not telling our child to feel proud about any of it, including other people's contributions.

It's just something we do sometimes. And if other people want to contribute, that's fine. If not, that's fine, too.

We're talking about cat food. This really isn't a big deal.

But it's not something you do sometime.
It's a once a year birthday which in the 8 and under set is a big deal.
And if you're not telling your child to be proud and it's nothing, then why in the world would you make it a request on a personal party invitation?
If it's just cat food, then swing by Safeway the next day, load your cart up and drop it off at the shelter.
That's all I'm saying.
No need to make what is more of a show about what you admit is not a big deal

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like this kind of thing because it is akin taking credit for something you didn't do.
The previous post about how proud the daughter was to drop off the diapers? The daughter simply collected diapers other people gave. As in, they did the work and sacrifice and all she had to do was deliver.
Same with this party- you get a bunch of little kids to do something for you that you will get to "present" and feel great about. Huh?
A real sacrifice would be to skip the party and use the funds you were going to spend on food and cake to buy an equal amount of food for the shelter and use the Party time to buy it, load the car and take it over there.
Not instruct a bunch of kids to do 3/4 of the task for you.
Big NO from me

Um...Couldn't this same logic (in bold) could apply to every toddler school art project? Or, more similarly, charitable drives held by school PTAs?

At the end of the day, good causes get supplies they need. If you don't agree with the cause or have issue with someone "taking credit" for your work, you have choices: don't go to the party, or don't make a donation. The intention/motivation behind requesting these donations seems to be good, so...what's the problem? (Then again, I work for a nonprofit, so perhaps my view on this topic is "softer" than most)

At the very least, from a convenience standpoint, it's a heck of a lot easier for me to buy canned goods/diapers (that are more likely to go to good use) than a toy that may or may not. The OP isn't asking people to go out of their way to buy something.

The intention isn't really good though. It's mostly based on OP not wanting to deal with 30 toys so she's trying to find a workaround that makes her look good. It doesn't really matter to me if the intention IS good- it really sets a weird tone, for me, of the parent of the party trying to make some personal statement about how giving her family is and make others donate to charity using her kid's party as a front. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth, sorry.

Ok, now I get it.

Your cynicism is showing.

Some of us don't care about whether we "look good" to other parents, and we have no interest in making a "personal statement" about anything.

And even if we did, we'd recognize that collecting a few bags of dog food or packs of diapers isn't going to win us any awards in the charity department.

Here's what else we know: our kids don't need more presents from their friends, in addition to what the grandparents, uncles etc. get them. But some parents don't like to send their kids to a party empty-handed. So they can bring a few cans of cat food if they want to. Or not.

Again, nobody expects any admiration or approval here. Again, we're talking about cat food. Or diapers. Or a can for the food cupboard. This is not exactly Nobel Peace Prize kind of stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like this kind of thing because it is akin taking credit for something you didn't do.
The previous post about how proud the daughter was to drop off the diapers? The daughter simply collected diapers other people gave. As in, they did the work and sacrifice and all she had to do was deliver.
Same with this party- you get a bunch of little kids to do something for you that you will get to "present" and feel great about. Huh?
A real sacrifice would be to skip the party and use the funds you were going to spend on food and cake to buy an equal amount of food for the shelter and use the Party time to buy it, load the car and take it over there.
Not instruct a bunch of kids to do 3/4 of the task for you.
Big NO from me

I continue to be mystified by this whole "taking credit" thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like this kind of thing because it is akin taking credit for something you didn't do.
The previous post about how proud the daughter was to drop off the diapers? The daughter simply collected diapers other people gave. As in, they did the work and sacrifice and all she had to do was deliver.
Same with this party- you get a bunch of little kids to do something for you that you will get to "present" and feel great about. Huh?
A real sacrifice would be to skip the party and use the funds you were going to spend on food and cake to buy an equal amount of food for the shelter and use the Party time to buy it, load the car and take it over there.
Not instruct a bunch of kids to do 3/4 of the task for you.
Big NO from me

Um...Couldn't this same logic (in bold) could apply to every toddler school art project? Or, more similarly, charitable drives held by school PTAs?

At the end of the day, good causes get supplies they need. If you don't agree with the cause or have issue with someone "taking credit" for your work, you have choices: don't go to the party, or don't make a donation. The intention/motivation behind requesting these donations seems to be good, so...what's the problem? (Then again, I work for a nonprofit, so perhaps my view on this topic is "softer" than most)

At the very least, from a convenience standpoint, it's a heck of a lot easier for me to buy canned goods/diapers (that are more likely to go to good use) than a toy that may or may not. The OP isn't asking people to go out of their way to buy something.

The intention isn't really good though. It's mostly based on OP not wanting to deal with 30 toys so she's trying to find a workaround that makes her look good. It doesn't really matter to me if the intention IS good- it really sets a weird tone, for me, of the parent of the party trying to make some personal statement about how giving her family is and make others donate to charity using her kid's party as a front. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth, sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've said:

"This is a "no gift" party, but if you'd like to bring food or supplies for XYZ Animal Shelter, we will be making a group donation later this month."

This.

Why wouldn't you skip the birthday party and use those funds to make a donation to the shelter and has the time to make the donation and work at the shelter.
Why in the world would you teach your child to present and feel proud of food and supplies she got other people to buy? I'm not seeing the great act of philanthropy when other people are doing the majority of the giving.

You're overthinking this.

We're not playing it up to our child (or anyone else) as some big community service thing or a "great act of philanthropy," as you said.

And we're not telling our child to feel proud about any of it, including other people's contributions.

It's just something we do sometimes. And if other people want to contribute, that's fine. If not, that's fine, too.

We're talking about cat food. This really isn't a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like this kind of thing because it is akin taking credit for something you didn't do.
The previous post about how proud the daughter was to drop off the diapers? The daughter simply collected diapers other people gave. As in, they did the work and sacrifice and all she had to do was deliver.
Same with this party- you get a bunch of little kids to do something for you that you will get to "present" and feel great about. Huh?
A real sacrifice would be to skip the party and use the funds you were going to spend on food and cake to buy an equal amount of food for the shelter and use the Party time to buy it, load the car and take it over there.
Not instruct a bunch of kids to do 3/4 of the task for you.
Big NO from me

Um...Couldn't this same logic (in bold) could apply to every toddler school art project? Or, more similarly, charitable drives held by school PTAs?

At the end of the day, good causes get supplies they need. If you don't agree with the cause or have issue with someone "taking credit" for your work, you have choices: don't go to the party, or don't make a donation. The intention/motivation behind requesting these donations seems to be good, so...what's the problem? (Then again, I work for a nonprofit, so perhaps my view on this topic is "softer" than most)

At the very least, from a convenience standpoint, it's a heck of a lot easier for me to buy canned goods/diapers (that are more likely to go to good use) than a toy that may or may not. The OP isn't asking people to go out of their way to buy something.

I'm sorry, just noticed you work for a non profit so it may have struck a nerve (your bolded part)
Kids are not adults. Adults can give to your non profit or not, and it's not mixed up in a birthday party for your husband or child. I assume you have other ways of getting funds without using 6 year olds who want to attend a party

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like this kind of thing because it is akin taking credit for something you didn't do.
The previous post about how proud the daughter was to drop off the diapers? The daughter simply collected diapers other people gave. As in, they did the work and sacrifice and all she had to do was deliver.
Same with this party- you get a bunch of little kids to do something for you that you will get to "present" and feel great about. Huh?
A real sacrifice would be to skip the party and use the funds you were going to spend on food and cake to buy an equal amount of food for the shelter and use the Party time to buy it, load the car and take it over there.
Not instruct a bunch of kids to do 3/4 of the task for you.
Big NO from me

Um...Couldn't this same logic (in bold) could apply to every toddler school art project? Or, more similarly, charitable drives held by school PTAs?

At the end of the day, good causes get supplies they need. If you don't agree with the cause or have issue with someone "taking credit" for your work, you have choices: don't go to the party, or don't make a donation. The intention/motivation behind requesting these donations seems to be good, so...what's the problem? (Then again, I work for a nonprofit, so perhaps my view on this topic is "softer" than most)

At the very least, from a convenience standpoint, it's a heck of a lot easier for me to buy canned goods/diapers (that are more likely to go to good use) than a toy that may or may not. The OP isn't asking people to go out of their way to buy something.

Charitable drives are different because it is for adults, not kids who got a party invite, and the head of the fundraiser has not been told it is instilling her family's morals and values to give up something to feel good about presenting others money as something she did. The head of the fundraising committee is a full grown adult, not a 6 year old, and is not trying to pass off these donations as something they gave up.
People know how to contribute to schools.
These are kids. It's a birthday party.

You can't really be suggesting you would rather have kids not go?

Anonymous wrote:I don't like this kind of thing because it is akin taking credit for something you didn't do.
The previous post about how proud the daughter was to drop off the diapers? The daughter simply collected diapers other people gave. As in, they did the work and sacrifice and all she had to do was deliver.
Same with this party- you get a bunch of little kids to do something for you that you will get to "present" and feel great about. Huh?
A real sacrifice would be to skip the party and use the funds you were going to spend on food and cake to buy an equal amount of food for the shelter and use the Party time to buy it, load the car and take it over there.
Not instruct a bunch of kids to do 3/4 of the task for you.
Big NO from me

Um...Couldn't this same logic (in bold) could apply to every toddler school art project? Or, more similarly, charitable drives held by school PTAs?

At the end of the day, good causes get supplies they need. If you don't agree with the cause or have issue with someone "taking credit" for your work, you have choices: don't go to the party, or don't make a donation. The intention/motivation behind requesting these donations seems to be good, so...what's the problem? (Then again, I work for a nonprofit, so perhaps my view on this topic is "softer" than most)

At the very least, from a convenience standpoint, it's a heck of a lot easier for me to buy canned goods/diapers (that are more likely to go to good use) than a toy that may or may not. The OP isn't asking people to go out of their way to buy something.

Anonymous wrote:I hate any mention of gift preference on invitations. Hate no gift parties. Hate invitations including sizes of clothing. Absolutely hate charity requests.

My kids also have spring birthdays. They are 5 and 7. Birthdays in the same week. We get a ton of presents. They open a few each. Save a few for later. We return/exchange a few. A few just sit there for a while and I give it away or donate.

How dare you! Being all normal and relaxed about a tradition of gifts on birthdays. The nerve of some people....

Anonymous wrote:I may be naive, but i like the idea - if you don't want to force people, you could word it "no gifts, please! Mia has been collecting cans for the Manna food bank and plans to delivery then the day after her party; feel free to contribute if you wish!"

"We dropped ours off ourselves this weekend, thanks for offering to transport! See you Saturday."

I hate any mention of gift preference on invitations. Hate no gift parties. Hate invitations including sizes of clothing. Absolutely hate charity requests.

My kids also have spring birthdays. They are 5 and 7. Birthdays in the same week. We get a ton of presents. They open a few each. Save a few for later. We return/exchange a few. A few just sit there for a while and I give it away or donate.

I may be naive, but i like the idea - if you don't want to force people, you could word it "no gifts, please! Mia has been collecting cans for the Manna food bank and plans to delivery then the day after her party; feel free to contribute if you wish!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've said:

"This is a "no gift" party, but if you'd like to bring food or supplies for XYZ Animal Shelter, we will be making a group donation later this month."

This.

Why wouldn't you skip the birthday party and use those funds to make a donation to the shelter and has the time to make the donation and work at the shelter.
Why in the world would you teach your child to present and feel proud of food and supplies she got other people to buy? I'm not seeing the great act of philanthropy when other people are doing the majority of the giving.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate people who force their kids into pushing their causes. They implant the idea and praise their kid and the kid is pressured into going along with it. I bet OP's kid will remember it and overcompensate with her kids by letting them keep all gifts.

Really? You won't give OP the benefit of the doubt that she want her DD to model behavior and reflect their family's values? I think this is more your issue than theirs.

Then have OP do it on her own, not make her birthday party into a show of it. And what is to be learned about dropping off things other people actually went out and got? Don't beg for items you are going to turn around and donate on someone else's behalf and feel proud about it. That's not teaching anything besides begging and offloading