Anonymous
Post 02/06/2016 10:57     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure you are ready to move on? I can definitely understand why the woman would have doubts. Dealing with another person's emotional baggage is not easy. I married a widower myself, but he was not ambivalent about finding a new partner. He never dodged kisses. Your surprise at your reaction makes me wonder if you have issues to work through still. Have you seen a counselor after DW died?


No never went to counseling, My mom and sister suggested it, but I didn't. Don't think I could do the spilling my guts and crying to a stranger it would be weird.

Anyway, I called her. She text me back saying she wasn't interested in playing games and it would be best if we didn't ta;k anymore. So that's it.


Playing games? You dodged a bullet here. Even if she didn't think dating you was best for her she could have found a more empathetic way to say that.


+1


Plus one million. She didn't deserve the kiss.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2016 10:52     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?
If I was still married to my ex and she passes I'll be dating the very next day if I could.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2016 10:46     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?
Anonymous wrote:Dude your 30. You should be living it up.
Sow some oats. Enjoy life. It's been 4 years.


Not everyone is interested in only getting laid. Maybe he's the type who wants to feel strongly about someone first, which is fine. But he should at least start socializing - coffee dates, whatever because isolation is not healthy, especially for men.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2016 10:17     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?

Grief counselors are a special breed. They really can help dig out the ugly feelings and help release them, however buried or entwined they might be.

I saw someone only a few times after a devastating loss. It. Helped.

I wouldn't be where I am in life without it. I recall the first couple of visits frequently, even years later. Please seek out someone who specializes in grief. It can help heal what you're struggling to just leave behind.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2016 10:15     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure you are ready to move on? I can definitely understand why the woman would have doubts. Dealing with another person's emotional baggage is not easy. I married a widower myself, but he was not ambivalent about finding a new partner. He never dodged kisses. Your surprise at your reaction makes me wonder if you have issues to work through still. Have you seen a counselor after DW died?


No never went to counseling, My mom and sister suggested it, but I didn't. Don't think I could do the spilling my guts and crying to a stranger it would be weird.

Anyway, I called her. She text me back saying she wasn't interested in playing games and it would be best if we didn't ta;k anymore. So that's it.


Playing games? You dodged a bullet here. Even if she didn't think dating you was best for her she could have found a more empathetic way to say that.


+1
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2016 10:13     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?
Dude your 30. You should be living it up.
Sow some oats. Enjoy life. It's been 4 years.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2016 09:02     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?
^^^^ areN'T
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2016 09:01     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?
Talking to a counselor could be weird but they are trained to help you deal with emotional issues like this, so go see one. You are young and you want children and you need to get to a place where you are finding it weird for another woman to kiss you.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2016 09:00     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure you are ready to move on? I can definitely understand why the woman would have doubts. Dealing with another person's emotional baggage is not easy. I married a widower myself, but he was not ambivalent about finding a new partner. He never dodged kisses. Your surprise at your reaction makes me wonder if you have issues to work through still. Have you seen a counselor after DW died?


No never went to counseling, My mom and sister suggested it, but I didn't. Don't think I could do the spilling my guts and crying to a stranger it would be weird.

Anyway, I called her. She text me back saying she wasn't interested in playing games and it would be best if we didn't ta;k anymore. So that's it.


Playing games? You dodged a bullet here. Even if she didn't think dating you was best for her she could have found a more empathetic way to say that.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2016 03:30     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?
It's okay - this enables you to see that maybe you aren't as ready as you thought. Counseling would be a good idea, but it sounds like you're not comfortable with that.

It's okay to be where you're at. Just live your life and keep yourself open to friendships and recognize that you may date several people people you meet someone you want to be in a relationship with.

It's very important that you are honest and upfront from the beginning, though. You don't need to disclose it right away but you shouldn't misrepresent it, either. That may get easier when things feel less raw. I think that most women wouldn't have an issue with it at all. Just be yourself.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2016 23:40     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?
Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure you are ready to move on? I can definitely understand why the woman would have doubts. Dealing with another person's emotional baggage is not easy. I married a widower myself, but he was not ambivalent about finding a new partner. He never dodged kisses. Your surprise at your reaction makes me wonder if you have issues to work through still. Have you seen a counselor after DW died?


No never went to counseling, My mom and sister suggested it, but I didn't. Don't think I could do the spilling my guts and crying to a stranger it would be weird.

Anyway, I called her. She text me back saying she wasn't interested in playing games and it would be best if we didn't ta;k anymore. So that's it.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2016 23:12     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find that just being honest and open to women is a pretty perfect way to go. Let her see how you are vulnerable. If she doesn't like that, she'll move on. At that point, it is no loss for you.

You need to find someone that you feel comfortable with so that you can be completely yourself.

Remember, you are not trying to find a replacement for your wife. You are looking for someone else who makes you happy and puts a smile on your face. You have to just get out there and try. You may have to date a lot of people before meeting the one. You will have some short term relationships in all likelihood before you find the right person.

Above all, stop feeling guilty about this. If your wife loved you deeply, I am sure that she would want you to be happy. You are not diminishing your love for her by dating someone new.


Best post here.

Op you are allowed to be happy again and you are allowed to fall in love again.
app is right that you should probably date around a bit. You were very blessed the first time around to find love so quickly most people have to do more work. It's okay if things don't work out with this one or the next.

You are also not cheating on your wife it's okay for you to kiss or have sex with another woman.

I'm sure your wife wants you to be happy here on earth. You don't mention children so I assume you don't have any . Do you want kids? Time to think of your future . Your wife and what you had will always be part of you, and seeking and eventually finding love again doesn't lessen what you and your wife had.
It's okay to keep living, op. Hugs.


No . Don't have any kids. We wanted to wait. We had these plans finish our degrees travel the world, live certain places, and save get a house, and all that stuff, and maybe start trying at 32.

I know I'm not doing anything wrong because she's gone but it was still a weird feeling.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2016 22:43     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?
Whether you should call her depends on whether you're ready. If you can't call with the clear intention of trying dating, it's disrespectful of her to get in touch just to drag her along.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2016 13:11     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?
Anonymous wrote:I find that just being honest and open to women is a pretty perfect way to go. Let her see how you are vulnerable. If she doesn't like that, she'll move on. At that point, it is no loss for you.

You need to find someone that you feel comfortable with so that you can be completely yourself.

Remember, you are not trying to find a replacement for your wife. You are looking for someone else who makes you happy and puts a smile on your face. You have to just get out there and try. You may have to date a lot of people before meeting the one. You will have some short term relationships in all likelihood before you find the right person.

Above all, stop feeling guilty about this. If your wife loved you deeply, I am sure that she would want you to be happy. You are not diminishing your love for her by dating someone new.


Best post here.

Op you are allowed to be happy again and you are allowed to fall in love again.
app is right that you should probably date around a bit. You were very blessed the first time around to find love so quickly most people have to do more work. It's okay if things don't work out with this one or the next.

You are also not cheating on your wife it's okay for you to kiss or have sex with another woman.

I'm sure your wife wants you to be happy here on earth. You don't mention children so I assume you don't have any . Do you want kids? Time to think of your future . Your wife and what you had will always be part of you, and seeking and eventually finding love again doesn't lessen what you and your wife had.
It's okay to keep living, op. Hugs.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2016 13:06     Subject: What should I do? Worth calling her again?
OP, call her. It's a no brainer. As you know, life is too short.