Anonymous wrote:She also may have forgotten the time difference - it was what, 8pm her time?

This. Plus a text isn't as urgent as a midnight call for money. I don't know why the time of the text matters at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say, "sorry we just can't afford it."

Everything in me wants to say this. Also because she literally does not take an interest in anything in my life and then texts both my husband and myself at midnight to ask for $. But I feel like I can't.

If I sent a text at midnight asking a basically estranged relative for money, I must need it desperately.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say, "sorry we just can't afford it."

I want to. Especially since I feel like she takes zero interest in having a real relationship with me and does not reciprocate when I try to extend myself to her. And also because she randomly texts both my husband and myself at midnight asking for cash. But I feel like to say no would be harsh.

We're you closer to her three years go when you borrowed $800 from her?

+1
She's probably wondering why you still had zero interest in a relationship after she loaned you $800.

I would loan her what I could ($1000?) without causing a huge hardship to yourself. I wouldn't ask why she needs it either.

OP, given it was panicky credit card stuff, I think your offer of $500 as a gift is awesome. I also think it is a bit odd to want to borrow to pay off a credit card (she would still be paying someone back, although I guess she assumed no interest).

You have no savings, no 401k, etc., etc.?

Also, $1000 if fair as she lent you $800.

Lend her half and modify the trip; or take out a $1000 loan from your bank. Not ideal financing but a vacation is great for your mental health (I know it is for mine.).

I talked to her. You have to know, three years ago we were much closer. Anyway I talked to dh and we agreed I would ask her what it was for (to make sure she is ok) then lend her the $. I spoke to her and it was so she could pay off a credit card. I guess she is panicking over owing $3000 on a card. She paid off $1000 and at 9pm panicked that she'd never pay off the remaining $2000 and decided to ask me for the remainder. We had a conversation about paying off credit cards (minimum payments and how that doesn't work). I told her I'm happy to give her $500 as a gift to help her out today but this cal sounded like there are larger stressful issues that have nothing to do with the credit card and more to do with life choices.

You need to discuss this with your husband and make a decision together on whether to loan the money or not. What does he say?

Did you talk to her yet? What did she say she needed it for?

I would probably loan it to her, unless it was for a gambling debt or something trivial. But I would make sure to get a timeline of when she plans to pay you back.

At first I was going to tell you not to loan her the money, but then you mentioned that she lent you $800. I would suck it up and give her the money. Clearly if you have enough to go on a vacation, you can consider this a one-time gift if you don't get it back. If you don't, I think this will cause a permanent rift between you two. Talk to her and find out what she needs it for.

Tell her you don't have cash on hand but would figure out what to sacrifice to lend her the 2k - maybe she will help you understand why it's so important.

Never loan money to family. Always consider it a gift. You may never see it again, and if so, do you really want a relationship to be destroyed over money?

She also may have forgotten the time difference - it was what, 8pm her time?

The whole "she doesn't take an interest in our lives" thing doesn't hold water because she was in that position three years ago when she lent you the $800. You aren't close, but you still asked her for a loan.

You can float $2k of trip expenses on your credit card for a month and talk to her about when she can pay it back. If she has a more protracted time line, then you'll have to talk to her and work together to budget around that. How much can she get to you in the next couple of months, then after? You paid her back a month later. If she can do the same, your credit card can hold you fine.

Don't be that person. You asked her; of course she should feel free to ask you right back. NBD.