True for me:

I keep snagging my diamond on my cashmere sweaters! annoying and also I'm destroying them! (7+ carat solitaire)

I have a small etch on my marble counters. Just enough to be annoying, but no other etches enough to be a respectable patina.

The carseats won't fit in the Porche until they are forward facing!

People are always thinking my body parts are fake (breasts, lashes, eye colour, lips and hair!) It's kind of an insult really (but I realize this sounds like a humblebrag)

Anything starting with "My nanny/My Lawn service/My pool" sounds humblebraggy even when it's not, too.

Anonymous wrote:4 year old DD has recently taught herself to read totally on her own. I did nothing to promote this other than read to her. No sight words, no phonograms, nothing. I haven't told anyone other than grandparents cause I know it comes across as an obnoxious brag but I really am proud of her.

That's a brag, not a humble brag. Here's your humble brag:
"It is so annoying that I can't tell my 4 yr old DD that the pizza store is closed because she taught herself how to read and can now call me out on the 'open' sign."

4 year old DD has recently taught herself to read totally on her own. I did nothing to promote this other than read to her. No sight words, no phonograms, nothing. I haven't told anyone other than grandparents cause I know it comes across as an obnoxious brag but I really am proud of her.

Neighbor " OMG I"m so stressed I don't know what to do"
Me "whats wrong?"
Her " I don't know if I should let the kids go to ( island vacation home) on the private plane by themselves. Do you think they'll be okay?"
Me: blink, blink

In-laws $$ but still...

I am 50 and divorced and have started dating using an online site. I am sick of all the really handsome 40 year olds that keep contacting me. And, I am also tired of all the really rich guys my age that want to date me. It feels so bad to let them down after I decide that I don't want to date them anymore. Poor me.

Anonymous wrote:My toddler still takes two long naps a day! Makes it so difficult to get errands done. He already sleep so well at night- I can't figure out why he naps so well!

The true humble brag goes like this:

I find it so hard to get my errands done; I don't know how others manage. You see, my toddler gets very upset if he does not take his two long naps and his 12 hours of sound sleep at night. I hope nothing is wrong with him.

I had kids a little later so I'm older than the other moms. Problem is, I look their age but all we really have in common are our kids' ages! I try to make friendships but I just get along better with the older moms I guess!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My small children love to sleep in on weekends. We have to set an alarm if we need to be anywhere before 11am.

Is this a humble brag? This might just be true, right? One of my neighbors' kids are like this. They do all get to sleep in.
I wish I was them, but I don't think they are bragging.

absolutely! unless there is some sort of context the poster is not telling us about.

DH started his own firm and is making even more money than he did while in Big Law, but he's home all the time. I have to schedule my Neiman packages with FedEx for when he's not home because he doesn't have to know about everything I buy!

A friend who posts on FB about how their kid read the entire harry potter series (in a very low elementary grade). UGH.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not really a humble bragger but I know a mom who complains that its so hard to vacation with her husband because he will ONLY vacation at a Ritz or Four Seasons and will ONLY dine in fine restaurants. She acts SOOOO irritated by this.

I actually would find that to be incredibly annoying. To never be able to stay in a fun boutique hotel in an interesting new neighborhood you want to explore? And "fine dining" is often really boring, especially if you are surrounded by the sort of stuffy people who would only ever consider eating at the priciest restaurants in town.

This is the most fun thread I have seen in a while.

Kudos OP!

Anonymous wrote:I have a great 9 yr old son. Easy going, fun to be with, witty, bright, loves school, has a couple sports he loves and is good at, eats all food groups and just so easy, I sometimes feel like he's raising himself. He's an only, and loves it, has never asked for a sibling but has a lot of friends. I may get some sassiness here and there, but overall, he's awesome.

I would have had a second if I could have been guaranteed to have another child with the same disposition, but we had him late in life, so we stopped at one.

yeah, I've heard some comments like this before from friends about their children. What I don't say is that *I* was one of those kids growing up, and I heard my own mom describe me at times like that to her friends. The truth? I had a hard time turning to my parents for emotional support, and felt I had to "be" a certain way to keep them happy...I didn't feel like I could make trouble, or be picky, or complain. So now if a young child is like that, I'd actually feel more concern than pride.

Anonymous wrote:My small children love to sleep in on weekends. We have to set an alarm if we need to be anywhere before 11am.

Is this a humble brag? This might just be true, right? One of my neighbors' kids are like this. They do all get to sleep in.
I wish I was them, but I don't think they are bragging.

This weekend my friend regaled me with a narrative of how far her body fat percentage has dropped in one or two years (I think 22 to 15%, wasn't really listening). Her bikini bottoms are falling off of her! Normally would just be a brag, but I think the humble part was when she mentioned that she doesn't care about weight or how she looks. ? The really tone deaf part was that I'm pregnant and (happily) gaining!