I have notice this kind of thing, too, OP, between me and my husband. He really does not care if the house is messy. But he also won't do basic tidying for guests. Last Friday he spontaneously invited the neighbors over for dinner while I was out. No biggie to me. But I came home, one of the two was already in the living room, and there literally was nowhere for him to sit. He was just standing there as the couch was covered in board game pieces and the chairs had dressup and god knows what, and markers and paper were all over the floor. Apparently the kids had all been playing together on a playdate, and he didn't think about the fact that cleanup should happen at some point.

So that kind of thing drives me nuts.

I find we live together pretty well if he does all the cooking and I do almost all the cleaning (and yelling at the kids to pick up their crap ).

After two years of not cleaning it doesn't get any worse.

I'm the PP that the person was responding to. I would never tell anyone to STFU, even on the Internet!
I don't think we have a ton of stuff. We do have a lot of kids. And I don't like things just thrown in wherever. I like Legos in with Legos, library books in the library book bin, play figures in the play figure bin, etc. plus there's all the mail, the endless crap the schools send home, the fact that everyone in my family just decides to take off their socks whenever they feel like it and just drop them on the floor....I agree probably 10-15 minutes to clean up the main living area, but then add in their rooms, loading and unloading the dishwasher, wiping down counters, etc., and I think you're already at least at 30 minutes. I was trying to figure out how much work I would really have for a housekeeper, and I just can't see it being more than 30-45 minutes a day. I can't imagine someone would be willing to come all the way to our house for less than an hours work a day. But adding 45 minutes of work to my day is crushing--it's means I'm up at midnight trying to do it. The kids do a bunch, but my husband's standards are pretty high--he would like to live in a model home!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Messes are one of the primary things my H and I fight about. He likes things really neat. (I, on the other hand, like things really clean -- there's a difference. Like, he'll put away a dirty pot to avoid looking at it on the counter. Yuck.) I'd love to stop fighting about it. We already have cleaners that come 2x a month, but they don't put anything away or anything -- so it actually causes more stress because we all have to clean for the cleaners to come.
For those that keep recommending a daily housekeeper, how does that work? is there really someone that will come and just spend 1/2 hour or an hour a day putting everything away where it belongs and doing general clean-up? I would do that, but I always figured it isn't worth it unless you live in a mansion that takes hours and hours to clean.

How does it take you 30 minutes to tidy things up? Barring chores like loading/unloading the dishwasher, laundry, and mopping/vacuuming, you should not be spending 30 minutes putting things away every day. I have little kids and tidying up everything, including toys, paints, dress-up costumes, etc, takes MAYBE 5-10 minutes maximum, and I'm not a naturally tidy person (ugh, DH is). I'm baffled, not trying to be snarky. Do you just have a lot of stuff?

STFU

Just because some of you think something, doesn't make it so.

Paging Mr. French!

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I'm a scrubby person. I don't nag bc my I recognize I out more value on cleaning than DH does, so I do it. But it means I can never relax bc I am always cleaning. I could totally see myself vacuuming during a party, like one pp said. learning to just embrace mess.

Yeah, you've got to take a break. Spending every waking moment cleaning is not normal. Set a time limit on how much you will do every day, say two hours, and after two hours stop. Do something else. Spend happy time with dh. The mess will wait but life will not. I have an older family member who regrets how much time she spent cleaning when her kids were young. She missed out on a lot. There's a minimal amount that truly needs to be done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I fight every day and are miserable. This weekend, I did what he does-relax and do no housework. The house was trashed by the end of it, but we didn't fight at all. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Is a perpetually trashed house a price you're both willing to pay to avoid fighting?

I don't know...maybe!

Hmm, if I had to choose between (a) happy marriage, or (b) clean house I'd go with (a). It really depends on the stress levels associated with each choice. Fighting is going to spike cortisol into your system and eventually kill you, not to mention make you miserable. But then, maybe messiness would do the same thing for you? It's up to you.

How's the sex?

Anonymous wrote:Because you weren't nagging him all weekend, that's why.

Some people dont' mind things messy. A good compromise is to get a cleaning person on a routine basis. THat's waht we do.

Cleaners don't pick up after slobs, organize your drawers/closets/office, or process your paperwork. They just vacuum and clean surface areas, maybe shuffling around things.

Just keep letting this pile up and pile up and then go away for a long biz trip and see what you return too? Clean? Same? Him yelling at you to clean up?

And I assume you don't have kids.... That slob bad habit will be 100x magnified then. Yuck.

I wouldn't be able to live in a pigsty however if it would state a point, I can see myself doing do.

Sometimes when we cease doing the "little" things that others take for granted from us, a clear understanding of just how much we ACTUALLY do becomes apparent.

Hopefully your husband can see now all that you do.

Though I wouldn't necessarily get any high hopes. Most men don't mind a little dust, dishes stacked in the sink or a ring around the bathtub.

But they eventually reach their breaking point when they cannot find any clean socks. Every guy loves clean socks.

Op here. I'm a scrubby person. I don't nag bc my I recognize I out more value on cleaning than DH does, so I do it. But it means I can never relax bc I am always cleaning. I could totally see myself vacuuming during a party, like one pp said. learning to just embrace mess.

Anonymous wrote:Look OP, you can do a few things. Wait til he realizes it's a pig sty which could take like a month (or if you're lucky 2 weeks like PP's DH). He doesn't have the awareness yet that he needs to contribute to keeping the household running (or else he's in denial or feels entitled to living like a king). He needs to get that awareness, and nagging probably hasn't worked. Maybe if he is surrounded by his own filth, he'll get a clue. You could clean up after yourself and not clean up his messes but that may not go over well. I think a lot of people don't realize that cleaning is too much work even for a SAH spouse. Or, you could make a chore list, tell him it's too much work for you to clean up after everyone, and have him pick out his favorite chores. Turn on some music every weekend, set a timer for 5 or 10 min, and everyone needs to help out. Slowly add more time to the timer. You could rotate chores too so everyone gets to do the dirty work. Or, like other people say, hire some maids, or else severely downsize your stuff so there is less to get in the way and it will take less time.

soinds like child management. Guess it's better than doing nothing.

Look OP, you can do a few things. Wait til he realizes it's a pig sty which could take like a month (or if you're lucky 2 weeks like PP's DH). He doesn't have the awareness yet that he needs to contribute to keeping the household running (or else he's in denial or feels entitled to living like a king). He needs to get that awareness, and nagging probably hasn't worked. Maybe if he is surrounded by his own filth, he'll get a clue. You could clean up after yourself and not clean up his messes but that may not go over well. I think a lot of people don't realize that cleaning is too much work even for a SAH spouse. Or, you could make a chore list, tell him it's too much work for you to clean up after everyone, and have him pick out his favorite chores. Turn on some music every weekend, set a timer for 5 or 10 min, and everyone needs to help out. Slowly add more time to the timer. You could rotate chores too so everyone gets to do the dirty work. Or, like other people say, hire some maids, or else severely downsize your stuff so there is less to get in the way and it will take less time.

I quietly stopped cleaning the house and DH after about 2 weeks started noticing and calling everyone slobs. It was hilarious!